Month: November 2005

maybe i’ll get a chance to actually update my journal today?
i’s about 5pm right now
but the time on this computer is fuct, date too
and i can’t change it: locked.
where am i?
i´m in the sacred valley of the incas
i´m a block away from the Posada we are staying at
in a small anything shop
filled with candy and clearner and soda and meat… and two computers.
everything is in spanish..
which i suppose is good
coz i know that more than Quechua.
i woke this morning at 6am
and before that
around 4
and before that…
i didn’t get to sleep til past midnight
.. this fucking altitude…
i didn’t know it would do this
but i spent most of the night tossing and turning
and woke at 4 to two cocks crowing behind my window…
why?
i don’t know.. it wasn’t day..
but the moon had lit the sky so much there was an aura around the surrounding mountains before i went to sleep
so i can only imagine what the moon looked like then…
the roosters were confused
i forgive them
but it kinda scared me..
good though
coz i wasn’t really having a good dream.
my whole body hurt…
what was it from?
the lack of oxygen?
the massage i gave before heading to bed?
running up and down the inca terraces?
my chest felt like an asthma spasm
heavy, filled, very painful
it hurt to breath
and i wasn’t getting enough anyway
i pissed in a bottle
and placed my pillow under my body length wise
to enforce sivasana and open my chest
eventually i found sleep
woke again with the sun, sometime before 6
tried to deny it
but jim was up and clearing his throat and talking and doing things
so i got out of bed
walked into the shower
and poured the piss through my hair
scrubbing the coat of oil and chlorine and minerals and pollution out
then let the hot water pound down on me for…
a long time.
no soap
but a cold rinse
some streatching
and talking with jim in the morning.
i love him more and more each day.
(grin)
thanks mercury!
we headed down to breakfast at about 7:40
and i couldn’t bring myself to eat
so i made colt’s foot, yerba sante and tulsi tea
drinking it through my bombilla
— the waitress was confused.
eventually i added coco leaves to the tea
and had a bowl of cut bannanas and papaya
and two glasses of papaya juice and one of water (with emergency)
breathing…
laying on the bed..
off into the bus
into a small town
local market.. not for tourists
no
just people trying to feed themselves..
a woman with a burst out eye asked me to photograph her so she could get a Sol from me…
i denied.
i didn´t take any photos of people
but of the bull ring
of the buldings
of the mountains…
there were guiney pigs on sale for food
photos taken
i was feeling my tourist nausea
i kinda rushed through it
but here’s what it it was
bags of potatoes
beans, green and red
grains.. i couldn’t tell you what they were
stuffed into canvas bags
you know
like you’ve seen in those pictures with the indians?
yeah, these indians
and second hand USA clothes
from the 80s
or early 90s
or whatever
down here
for pretty cheap`
nice.
we met the raft captains
both stocky handsome guys
i took their picture
and got on the bus
headed to the river and dropped them off to prepare the rafts
then to the school to hang out with the kids
these were different than the amazon kids..
it was a school day
but the teacher was off at a meeting
so they kids were entertaining themselves..
better than going home to work in the farms
our guide acted as teacher
they sang us a song in quecheua
that i didn’t record coz i thought i was going to be the same peruvian anthem the other kids sang us..
this was quite beautiful
and we replied with me leading a three-round, three versed version of “row row row your boat”
merrily merrily merrily merrily…
i did some yoga for the kids out i the basketball courts..
the wheel
they were all very impressed
then i lifted a kid onto my back and supported him in front of the kids..
life
here..
the mountains surrounding every side..
i talked to the kids in english a lot
i know they couldn’t understand me..
but i had to tell them how good they had it
and i was sorry for other things
and the church…
well..
we left there for the rafting
and i forgot to bring my sandals
so went barefoot
so did deetmar
professional rafts..
though they said this section we were doing today only had a class 2 rapid on it
it was mostly just floating..
my stroke was so strong compared to everyone on my side
from my years of canoeing…
elizabeth was in front of me
and instead of watching to stay synched with deetmar
she kept making sure we were following her
which was kinda annoying
but deetmar did his best to watch and match her
nothing said..
our rafting guide tried to teach us some quechua
ima suma
pretty lady
ima wikiki
what’s your name?
ou(ch)
one
isyane
two
quinsay
three
(d)thowé
four
pisca
five
sa-yeah
stop!
we paddled around
playing in the water
got splashed a bit
seeing the beautiful mountains float by..
took plenty of pictures
the ride was about 1 hour and 20 minutes
we landed near ollantaytambo
and had a picnic lunch of cold chicken
beets, green beans, broccoli, yuca, sweet potato, mustard celery, gucamole (avacados here are called “palta”) and pico de gallo (“de condor” guillermo called it… who made it)
i took lots of pictures of guillermo.
we drank big beers
had our desert of cake and pineapple and banna
and headed to the town of Ollantaytambo
we walked around the town first
amazing
not really all that destroyed
and well re-furbished
lived in..
canals runing through it like friebourg
a little house with the happy fourtune man
guine pigs
kitten and puppy
i took pictures of all this for nayland
the old rock walls
the hillsides with the terraces and the ruins on them…
then we headed up the 200 something stairs to the … used to be temple
which was pretty amazing.
the huge huge huge blocks they used for the temple had been taken from the top of the mountain… across the valley.
a landslide marked the place
the blocks were taken by the spanish..
this site is special because it is the ONLY place that they defeated the spanish..
but eventually they came back and did their best to destroy it
taking the blocks from the temple on top of the mountain
to build their church in the central square below.
i walked up
noticing that my altitude adjustment must have clicked in
coz i didn’t feel all that winded.
deetmar and elizabeth were the only ones able to keep up with me
i went off the trail
above it all
to the top of the mountian
…
down again
because climbing over the ridge would have been lovely
but would have taken many hours
and.. i only had a half
(damnfuckingtour)
so i scuttered back down
(only after suffering some sharp cactus needles in my arms and hands)
and around to the other side of the mountain
little houses
opening to the energy..
a whole different world…
but you know
every civilization beyond a family
beyond a community
seems based on abuse: slavery, etc..
they could only acheive this greatness by enslaving thousands (or more)
but were those slaves happy to have made this?
happy to have been a part?
… did they think there might have been another option?
known any better?
i walked down the hill
getting back to the bus before judy and pancho
but then leaving again to change more money:
tomorrow we head to Machu Pichu…
we stopped by a bar on the way home
playing a game of Sopa! (frog)
throwing bronze coins into a board filled with holes
centred with a bronze frog…
if you make it into his mouth: 5000 points!
men against women
the men one
but only at the end..
then we had their local corn beer..
no one else really liked it
it reminded me a bit of the khumis from mongolia
that sour fermented taste
and now i have terrible gas.
(laughs)
they sprout the corn kernals first
then dry them
then grind them
then ferment them
only for a few days
filter (feed the solids to the guinea pigs)
and drink!
and drink and drink!
the flag of red and/blue plastic outside of a place says that they make it..
and it can be a bar
or a house
or anything..
anyone who makes it
can advertise others to come drink with them.
..
then we headed back here to the posada
and i came directly here
figuring out how to move my files into the public directory
so you can view SOME of the photos from the amazon trip at

Peru!

but it’s just a directory structure and all the files are over a Meg
so only do it if you have a fast connection.
it’s slow here
so i’m not going to bother trying to upload anymore right now
back in cuzco?
back in USA?
we’ll see.
now i´m going to go back through and try and catch up on my back-dating my hand written entries
í’ve only got an hour..
then back to the hotel
then off to a private family’s house to eat dinner with them
—-(added after dinner)—-
i’m very tired
and i don’t know if it’s more that
or the altitude (did i mention i’m at 9,500 feet?)
or that i ate two servings of the guacamole today
but i wasn’t able to eat much.
i almost didn’t bring the camera
because i figured i had taken enough pictures today
a little burnt out on the tourist picture thing..
but jim asked me to bring it
so i did
and… got some.
dinner was nice
lamb and potato salad (there are over 300 types of potatoes down here, these were thick and stringy), rice with pasta, stuffed pepper, squash soup (with added spicey Pico De Condor made by Guillermo… imagine a cross between Shrek and Bob Hoskins and make it Peruvian…)
a purple corn drink
with lemon, clove and cinnimon
tasted almost like coca-cola…
a little bit of conversation
but i was really tired
didn’t finish all i ate
came back to the hotel
— didn’t go in
stayed out here to write a bit
had to walk around a while waiting for one of the computers to be open
got some time
i’ll see what all i can get typed in tonight…
tomorrow
we take a train at 9am for machu pichu for two days…
probably won’t be able to post from there
but these should be enough to read
if you have the time.

woke up around 5 this morning in Lima
tried to get some more journaling done, but it paled agsint the lust machine of bear411 and silverdaddies
however
i did get the rest of the day 5 photos uploaded
though i haven’t yet been able to figure out how to move them to the public html directory…
i wrote half of yesterday’s entry
and then had to go
– we left shortly after 7am
everyone is enjoying making a big deal out of my being late all the time…
crumby people…
to the Jorgé Chavez Internationale Aeropuerto again
got more money exchanged
small bills
rolls of soles (40 of ’em)
Flight 023 out of gate 3
we only waited a half hour
— i was obsessed with a daddy (with this family) who was probably mostly spanish
my god
he was beautiful
i took as many pictures as i could..
he reminded me strongly of Eddie Carreri
— he’d just be trouble anyway.
then took a bus, piled in, tight
about 100 feet
climbed our stairs
and i drifted a lot
listening to “it´s all gonna break” again, the last track from the new Broken Social Scene album…
“why are you always fucking girls?”
then listened to Compulsion again
looking out the window
astounded by the farmlands on nearly verticle slopes
the lakes
the glaciers
the deserts
what the fuck
this place is amazing..
people
live.
we landed in cusco
and because they put me in seat 2(L -window)
i was among the first off
walking into the empty baggage claim area
i was assulted from every side by
“SIR SIR SEÑOR!”
putting the make on a bit heavy
i felt sleep deprived and headed straight to the toilet with my blinkers on
came out
and noticed a band in “traditional” costumes getting ready to play..
so i just took picturs of the sexy fat and furry tourists
waiting for the rest of the group to show up…
got a shot of homer simpson too..
but he smiled and that kinda ruined the affect.
when we walked outside
a local man jumped infront of us excitedly pretending to take our picture
holding up his finger and exclaiming like he’d got a great shot
stopping all of us
and … taking our picture
it DID make me feel uncomfortable
he did a good job at reminding.. me at least.
there were about 8 million vendors behind the tour busses
and stray radicals floating around everything
trying to sell paintings and hats and belts
and coco leaves
we all bought some.
our bus driver is named… Guillermo!
a cute little troll he is: i adore him.
stocky little dark skinned fellow with a toothy open smile..
our guide, Walter..
he talks a lot.
has a lot of National (and Personal) Pride.
.. he tends to answer “yes” to lots of my questions
and i’ve realized he often has no idea what i’m talking about.
we drove up to 12,500 ft immediately
up to the top of Cusco…
the main city of the incas!
beautiful
pretty fucking amazing
people
live…
then we headed down towards the Sacred Valley of the Incas…
on the way
we visited a little tiny town
so Walter could show us a bit of how things worked..
people walk around
and if you ttake a picture of them
you owe them money
usually 1 Sol is fine (about $.33)
—
the first guy we got a picture of was 77
… and looked pretty good in his colourful pointy peruvian hat!
bulls on the roof for good luck
and/or a cross
to hold it up?
god´s handle?
dirt streets
adobe bricks… basically like Cob…
we bought tons of supplies for the school kids tomorrow from a little shop
the kid was shocked: no one ever buys an entire package…
we got back on the bus
and headed down into the valley
amazing
1000 year old terraces all over the place
some preserved
some left to the weather
some still farmed
though the current style of farming is like what you’d see everywhere..
blocks of land cut up… but on steep hillsides…
crazy.
walter explained that all of the ruins here had been invaded and destroyed by the Spanish
and that´s the special thing about Machu Pichu: they never found it… it is the only Incan ruin that was only destroyed by time.
we went above a small town called Pisaq
and i left most of the group
and ran
trying to get to the temple of the sun..
the incans always built sun temples very high in the mountains
calling them “sun-hitching-posts”
maybe that´s where you could get on and go for a ride?
their cross (google it and see if you can find it… pre-christian)
represents the three levels of the world they live in
above… this one.. and below..
of course, if you know how (or are priveledged) you can transverse them.
anyway
i tried to run to this sun temple
going on small trails
over tops
asounded by every view
listening to the drums of a festival banging up the hillsides
puffing and nearly falling over
running through a tunnel
over a mountain
to an opening
what was this building?
was that it?
that platform over there?
if i didn’t turn around right now i would be late getting back to the group
so i just opened up and felt the…. Time.
the present.
it charged me
and i said i would do my best to bring the good of it into this now…
i ran back
following a low path this time
a sign for the bus…
down through the old terraces
(a woman is yabbering in qechua behind me, nearly crying)
the path went down down..
back up, to the busses
i realized i was at the Peruvian bus stop
totally different tourist trap
interesting
but it was about time for me to get back
and i had to hike another 200ft or more back up
by the time i got there
i was totally fucking wrecked
breathing huge
trying to expand my chest as much as i could possibly take it in
connect
pranayam
fuck…
and there was a fuzzy version of yerba sante growing here..
i stuffed it in my mouth with more coco leaves hopening it would open my lungs and dialate my vessels..
i collapsed into the bus
and we headed back down into the valley
to a small town
market..
OH!
i found so many things i wanted
and spent over $100
about S/403
presents for friends
and two ponchos…
but when i got on the bus
they were all shocked at how much i spent
and walter said i got ripped off bad
i felt terrible about that..
i shoped around
and haggled..
how could i have been so mistaken?
when we got to our posada
i showed walter the ponchos
and he said corrected himself
i actually got a really good deal
i was chuffed
this posada is different than the brazilian pousadas.. which are subsidized by the government..
this one is privately owned
and very fancey looking
but not all that well thought out
and very fucking expensive.
of course.
falling into the room
i felt a huge desire to devour jim’s nipples, i had a taste last night and it created a hunger
but we were too tired
we just lay on the bed
then went down for dinner
a meeting first
then, almost to dinner
i got stopped by this American Bear fellow named… Jim.
from Minnessota
his energy was flying
i was almost certain he wanted sex
so i was pretty happy
but i HAD to eat first
he told me to meet him in the bar afterwards
i ate light
on account of the lack of oxygen i was feeling
still
had some nice vegetables
and ate some alpaca
a bit of desert
quinoa soup
walter asked about my life
was i going to cut my hair and shave my beard here in peru?
everyone was asking him about it…
why did i have long hair?
how did i know Jim?
so i told him.
i love telling people i´m gay with out saying “i´m gay”
my life story just makes it evident.
he stared
got up to get more food
i talked with judy about it a bit
and then took off to the bar.
Jim was buying jewlrey for his daughters
” how many do i have? . . . one, two, three… four. ”
and his… Wife.
i sat in the bar a while
the first sip of beer
not great beer
the local bear
Cuscosqueñas
.. i felt it burning through me
i tried not to sip much..
he came in
asked me who i was
all about my life
how could i survive looking like that?
with the long hair and beard and facial tatoos?
(laughs)
i told him stories
then he told me some..
he´s about 66 years old, april 2nd
constantly said he didn’t have much time left
had never traveled before
and is down here for a week coz he wants to see machu pichu..
then he’ll go to cambodia next year to see the “new” ruins that have been uncovered there..
his wife has no interest in this
she prefers europe
and he doesn’t travel with her much…
he’d worked as some kind of administrator at a college in MN so his kids could go there free of tuition
for 18 years
grew up a farmer.
left the college job to do a similar thing in the state-run zoo
though he didn’t like zoos.. and had never been to one before in his life.
worked there four years before being fired/quit
then started a general contracting company
specializing in building McDonald’s and Wendey’s buildings
so he’s hot
but EVIL!
(laughs)
i asked my self if i DID want to have sex with this guy..
what did i want from it?
what did i want to do?
nothing really
i didn’t feel it.
i haven’t been really horny here
it’s strange
i don’t know how to describe it
sex is floating around in my mind like it always does
but the act of it is not really appealing right now..
and i even tested the waters..
telling him i would go back to his room with him and give him a massage..
but he said No..
so i guess he didn’t want that.
just wanted to talk
and i’m glad i had the conversation
til late into the night
the moon was astounding.
i went back to our room
got my massage oil
and went to Regina’s room
and gave her some massage and reiki stuff
she was SO tight..
but i was glad to do it
then went down stairs again
outside
to watch the moon
and write it all down..

i woke up about 2 am
came down stairs a bit bleary eyed
and saw some british people checking into the hotel
the man stared at me and said
” do you know someone´s been drawing on your face? ”
ahh, kitty kitty.
i sat here at the computer for hours
trying to get an FTP client that worked
found one
while all the photos were moving from the camera..
over a gig on a USB 1 transfer…
finally got all that together and realized the pictures were going to a directory on my server that is not public..
hopefully i´ll get a chance to move it before i leave

Peru!

just the files..
in a tree…
then i wrote about Yesterday
accessing the notes i had written in my book
but mostly just writing..
THEN
went through the last two days
copying many parts directly from the book
and sometimes just carrying off on some tangent
re-arranging, re-phrasing
my hand-written voice is different…
but i didn´t get done
and the photos did not all get transferred…
much slower than i thought..
Jim and E and D came down and said ” are you ready? it´s time to go ”
so i shuffled all my things together and ran upstairs to get ready
rather quick..
back to the van..
and we waited for our new group member: Jim… from orange county
an older man.. older than my Jim, Jim S
Jim D was a nice fellow, from oklahoma originally (april 13)
i felt kinda hung over/burnt out
tired, i guess
not even 6 am and going..
we got to the airport
checked in
and the flight might have been delayed?
paid our airport tax
and headed down to the gate..
but the weather was bad..
where?
here or there?
dunno
but we waited a long time..
another guy from another OAT trip was there
jim said..
“he reminds me of someone… some cartoon character… the father guy from the simpsons”
yeah.. he did…
it was over an hour wait..
but we
eventually
got on a bus and headed out to the… planes?
” in a Single Engine Cessna… You say we´ll never make it there… so all we do is Circle it…
til we find out where the edges are
and it bleeds into where you resist
and i know my only way
way out
is to go
so far in…
billowing out to somewhere…”
quote from tori amos circling through my head:
i´d never flown in a plane this small…
three in a row
i was in the front
crammed between two nice canadians from New Brunswick originally
now they live in calgary, alberta
very nice
they were surprised i could tell they were canadian..
how could anyone not?
the accent..
i slept once our plane got above the heavy clouds..
tips of the mountains sticking out..
woke just before we landed
all of a sudden
in the dessert.
a small town called Ica (EE-kah)
huge sand dunes
skeletons of buildings…
farms..
i could see the landing strip clearly
first time i´ve had that experience
of seeing what it looks like to land from the front…
it was nice and hot and dry
we walked around
and i remembered
that mercury went retrograde a few days ago (14th)
we were supposed to land
then take off again and fly over the Nazca lines…
then land, have lunch and go visit museums before flying back to Lima..
but everything was… something else.
we were late
so we went to the museum first
our guide was impossible to understand
and impossibly uninteresting
so we all kinda followed him around and vaguely paid attention
i snapped pictures of mummies and skulls..
then we went to a desert Oasis
there used to be 12
this is the only one left
and i wonder if they have put it together with flush toilets and farms?
jim was turned on to a sand boarder kid, i snapped his picture
and three fat men i had been watching laughed when i walked up to the “Burger Queen” van
and tried talkig with me..
so i took their picturs..
damn.. Ica is HOT.
i wish i had time to run around in the sand dunes…
but…
back on the bus
back to the airport
fucking more (mercury) problems
waiting
they said our plane had engine trouble and they had to fix it
great.
waiting
d & E drinking at the lounge thing
zoo behind
with a llama, alpaca… some ducks
and a condor.
a condor in a fucking cage
with a pile of rocks
i talked with him
he waddled up to me and stuck his beak out
and desperately tried to kill me.
he was VERY unhappy
and i sang him a little song of “sorry”
and tried to scope out the scene to see if i could break him out..
then D & E arrived with their camera
and a local guy opened the door to the cage
got in and grabbed the condor’s comb
and wrenched him up onto the pile of rocks
then jammed his comb back into his face
causing him to hold his wings out to full span.
how… beautiful…
D had E pose on the rocks in front of the bird..
i took pictures
horrified
and helpless.
amazing animal
poor guy.
waiting.
they bought lots of gold.
waiting.
i saw this incredibly hot guy
wide, thick
furry dark forarms
big thick fingers
wide face
HOT
i tried to snap a picture of him
and wished i could seduce him somehow..
i feel almost inpotent here…
jim fell asleep
and we went to watch a movie about the nazca lines..
it was a bit over a half hour..
the guy talking to us told us they were a calender, maybe
gemini is a tree!
and i found out that Deetmar is a Leo (and a cardiac surgeon)
and Elizabeth is a Picese (and executive)
— fits.
waiting more
we were all starving
and i had one more amaranth bar in my bag
and ate it
moments later
they said our plane was ready for the flight over the Nazca Plane…
it was also a single engine Cessna
but even smaller.
deetmar had to sit in the cockpit for us all to fit.
as soon as we took off
i started feeling a bit ill
and was worried that if E got sick
i´d get sick too..
the view was amazing..
amazing desert
the mountains
dead farm patches
wind swept up the dead desert mountains
jostling the plane
nausea started to rise and take over
i tried to turn the vent towards my face
and it broke and fell off onto the floor
as we got to the nazca plane (about a half hour)
i could not control it anymore
i had been trying reiki and qi-gung and grabbed for my lavendar oil
but it was too late
i grabbed the barf bag and hurled
…
i´d never thrown up in a plane before
so as we’re sliding back and forth
turning almost perpendicular to the earth
back and forth and back and forth to see the shapes in the desert
i am
over and over and over
vomiting into a bag
all the amaranth and chocolate and water…
until it was just dry heaves
coughing up mucous…
i couldn’t photograph while it was happening, of course
i had vomit on my pants and hands and beard
but jim kept trying to hand me the camera..
i refused the last time..
as we left the plane and headed back to Ica
i felt much better
and hoped i wouldn´t throw up again…
but i felt it comming
so tried to lose myself in a sexual fantasy about that guy i’d seen at the airport earlier today
it didn’t work.. i threw up a few more times.
landed
and flew out of the plane
washed the vomit off my shirt in the bathroom
and wished i could just lay down somewhere…
but no rest
had to go to lunch
some buffet somewhere
couldn’t take it…
they wouldn’t let me just sleep in the bus
so
i walked out to a court yard outside of where they were eating
and put an electrolyte packet in my water bottle
and slowly sipped it
there was a terribly loud construction noise coming from behind the fence
so i put on my new ear-plug headphones
listened to the new Broken Social Scene album
and decided to write down the sexual fantasy i had started on the plane
to read what i wrote, click here

…& locks on the doors.
The other lodges just had hook&eye latches… s´ok. No one Complained
but this place has air tight box rooms with door knobs (offensive!) & LOCKS!
so fucking annoying. inconvenient.
sad…
someone´s gotta hold the key. guess right now it´s mee.
…& Electricity, of course: the lights (power savers), the fans going constantly, the AC (headache)…
This morning they had a toaster…
how nice!
but not a little box & slice one, no –
an industrial conveyor huge machine… turning away & throwing off heat… & no one using it — ahhh… luxury means we can waste all we want!
i shoveled down some sweet yoghurt & puffed grain cereal… couldn´t even eat the omlet.
rushing to take a shit, then ran back up to catch the boat to monkey island.
i woke up early this morning…
but heavy curtains…
i thought it was too early, so went back to sleep…
without looking at my watch i keep getting screweed up on Time—-
FIE!
— —
i just ate cuchichuapé
kah-she-chew-ah-pé
cat fish broth, scallions — mashed plantaines.
—————————————————–
i wish i could have written “the power of now”
.. done it my way: whatever that is.
because i want to help & contribute to the whole of society… & i´d like to write a book or something…
i´ve had these ideas for Years!
… but not the awareness & skill to manifest a book.
… & i wouldn´t want to coast on this… & be a part of New Age Super Stardom…
being fully present to any situation back to front. both sides…
it´s fun, i guess – so it´s always pleasureable … engrossing… entertaining
… all i ask for is…
The whole thing to be conscious & not poisonous and violent
how?
… by being what i wish for i bring it into being.
… Let´s Play!
/
back to journaling.
i slept in Judy´s room last night. so tired i didn´t want any conversation
she´s a nice lady… tries a bit too hard with her New Agey stuff
i woke from some strong dreams
skinny boy blue gave my camera away to some homeless guy (how i lost it in the dream) then invited him back into the house (party?) and then let him get away again!
woke up angry and frustrated
had to piss… then went back to bed
woke to an empty room– then she came in and told me i had only a half hour befre we left & i better hurry–
which put me in a stressed & pissy mood
running on sleepy auto pilot, i rushed through breakfast..
which all tasted bad this morning–
then went to take a shit & get the camera and shoes…
everyone had left the lodge — so i ran to the boat..
& they were about to pull away — everyone gave me greif for being late;
i sulked.
but the monkey´s were great!
so fun to see them playing around
Though Ary said we weren´t allowed to let them climb on us… one tried & i ducked her… him… dunno.
there were 7 types here…
i only remember him calling one a “wooly monkey”
-curled tail… classic monkey. very personable.
Bianca… or Blanca? the one who got me…
Inglese was the red-faced beast … & there were a few smaller types like squirrels… and another large and shy one with a white face…
i fed a few soem strange black palm berries that one of the guys on the island gave to me
& then… walking away back to the clearing, Blanca held up her hand to me
and i held out mine
she grabbed my fingers and swung up onto my arm and climbed up my body onto my head
which tickled me, of course
and i would have liked nothing more…
but said ” off me girl, you´re gonna get me in trouble ”
— feeling insecure this morning.
Ary pointed out some blooming Datura
i guess they´re the same as ours..
but they had no scent right now.. too late in the day? (round 9am)
— i love explaining what these plants do to these people…
we all went into a monkey-proof building
where the rest of the group sat down to some guy telling them about the island and the monkey´s there
Ary whispered in my ear “follow me if you´d like to eat something”
so when he dissappeared
i dissappeard with him..
into the back
a kitchen.
he gave me some bannanas: chiquita and manza
had to wait for the water to boil
so i sat and watched the monkey, listened…
when the food was ready
a woman gave it to me:
a bowl full of broth… and a cat-fish.
with scallions!
and a plate of boiled plantains.
Ary came back in and grabbed the plantains and mashed them into the broth
and kept laughing while we ate:
that´s what they eat here
” all the tourist food is junk ”
and, indeed, this food filled me better… for the rest of the day.
simple real food.
back at the lodge
i went to see the giant ceiba tree again
huge. beautiful. gigantic ( a big big hug )
fold big enough to get lost in..
my one complaint with the jungle: i could never just sit and spend time with the trees: it´d get eaten to death by the skeeters.
so i walked on windy paths through the forest
trying to remember the turns i was taking so as not to get lost
up and down around
amazing tree and plant after another
but i couldn´t linger long on any of them
so i just walked
breathing deep
taking it in
being with it..
i realized, after a while
that, though it looks like the path was winding
it was actually pretty straight: i could just feel it
and following that feeling
i ended up at the back propety line:
a fence…
18 acres, Ary said…
so, heading back, i had very little worry about time or getting lost
just followed that feeling: straight back to the lodge
came out by judy´s room in a little over a quarter hour.
time enough for a shower, swim (the pool water left me feeling sticky)
skipped lunch, ate some more bananas
and it was time to go:
i was still the last one on the boat
one of the medium sized covered ones… back to Iquitos..
watching the jungle turn to town
but never really to city..
big buildings, yes… but still with thatched rooves… sometimes layered between the palms and tin…
we got in the wooden bus
and rode back out to the airport..
i wondered where Dan had lived here
had he stayed in the city the whole time?
why didn´t he live in the jungle?
the airport…
hustling through things
people always in a rush
for what?
more waiting.
while waiting
everyone started talking
through side comments under their breath
about tipping Ary…
what?
i dismissed the idea by saying ” i´ve already tipped him: i gave him a massage ”
coz i don´t really like the idea of tipping.
(that being said, anytime i buy anything in NYC, i give an extra dollar.. but food is different than personal service: like a massage… i rarely get tipped– i charge enough)
but he kept making comments about money
so i gave him another 20 soles…
coz jim said he´d given him 40…
it was only later that i realized jim had paid him in Dollars
and then i felt bad
20 soles is about 6 dollars…
but it was too late.
Ary had left
and we were getting on the plane
and flying to some small town elsewhere in the Amazon reigon…
some beautiful mountainous jungle place
we lifted off again
to see the moon rise: yes, full tonight.
sun gone
landed in Lima just an hour later…
then met Walter: our new guide.
came back to the hotel
and i tried to get to sleep as soon as possible so i could wake up early to come down and journal and FTP those pictures…

Ceiba Tops. listening to the amazon. 12:30 — just before lunch
Yeah, i´m hungry.
but i´m really impressed with the furniture…
wrought iron… Rebar
that they´ve welded into chair shape
wrapped in plastic cord
soft/firm
ah.
talk about HARSH MY MELLOW.
this morning i woke up before Jim & it took me only a second to know why:
i threw my clothes on and ran back to the botanic garden to grab a leaf of Yagé and Chacruna: two of the four in their local Ayahuasca mixture…
the other is the tall standing, down-facing Datura, called “Toé” here
i didn´t see her around… but i didn´t need any of her right now..
i ran back & shredded the leaves with my fingers into my Absinth bottle.
Jim was still asleep & my orange shirt smelled like cat piss — all that sweat in the heat & humidity…
so i grabbed my jacket, the camera & my watch to see what time it was:
still before seven: i had plenty of time before breakfast and leaving —
i ran back to the garden to photograph the plants & signs (with names and latin names)
… Plenty of time!
& many other plants too…
cashew..
& a turtle in the pond…
on the walk back to the lodge i passed Guillermo going to fetch more Huito to re-touch our tattoos…
so i packed & met him in the lodge so he could work on me
i then i offered him a massage
layed him on some tables and did the same session i´d given to Ary
— it surprised me how tense both of them were (for living in the jungle)
… though G was worse than Ary.. i hurt him a few times…
he probably just didn´t feel comfortable
& everyone was waiting, so i had to hurry—
the boat we took today was like the small boats we´d used, but with a fabric canopy and a bigger engine
back loaded down with all our luggage
when we sped out onto the Napo
the back went down so low into the water
the waves were well above the sidewall of the boat…
and then engine was loud
so i got my iPod shuffle and newheadphones back from Ary to mainly block out the noise — first time i´d listened to it in the jungle.
it helped.. i heard ” lover´s spit ” and ” intuition ” by Feist
but by the time Devendra started singing
we´d arrived at where we were going
a village called Mazan.
we got off the boat ( i got a picture of the boat driver i´d admired from the day before… his name was “mardey” maybe? )
everyone was gathered round
kids
— i started using Kwai´s tecnique of taking pictures of people and then showing them the picture on the back of the camera…
they were all fascinated
Deetmar got his own bike
Judy and Pancho rode on the back of bikes
the rest of us sat double in the MotoCars
— a model-T ford back attatched to a Motorcycle Front..
or… a Motorcycle-rickshaw..
get the idea?
we barrled along a road that was more like a sidewalk
section paved cement
barely wide enough for one of the motocars,
had to pull over into the grass to pass
the road went from the Napo to the Amazon on the thinnest area of land between the two..
it maybe took 15 minutes… probably shorter (everything seems longer here )
-(lunch and dinner break, lost my pen, had to borrow one from the bar)-
on the way, jim dropped his fan and some guy on a motorcycle rode back up and gave it to us..
we passed a boy carrying a dead cat, holding it up to us to show…
to take home to eat?
Deetmar had a little accident, crashed into a building, nearly
grazed it
just a swath of blood on his elbow
… we both agreed that good living leaves it´s marks
( always end up with scabs )
and Ary pulled out his bottle of syrup i´d noticed him carrying the whole time but had never used..
it was Sangre de Draco… Dragon´s Blood
a sap from a palm… or epiphyte?
he smeared it all over Deetmar´s wounds
and they scabbed instantly.
we walked down a little dirt path to the boat
piled in
and road 10 minutes to our next and last lodge:
Explorama INN at the Ceiba Tops
… a totall different beast than the two we´d been at before.
Electric lights. Air Conditioning. Cement. Big Chlorinated pool (With Water Slide!)
Elizabeth started cheering… i felt the dread creeping–
Ary immediately took us to see the last of the huge Ceiba Trees in the area…
similar in size and energy to the Redwoods..
but standing all by itself:
they have almost been logged into extinction
because they are EXCELLENT for making plywood…
WHAT!?
Elizabeth and Deetmar started talking about how that one tree must be worth $50,000
and i wanted to strangle them both.
when we got to our rooms — i shattered:
Fucking Freezing Cold AC. ugh.
i panicked and ran.
hating the cement.
hating tourists.
hating america.
i walked…
i´d been having SUCH a good time..
feeling so close to nature out in the jungle…
& this felt SO GROSS
fucking british emperialist BASTARDS everywhere
i found a little cement deck by the amazon and just collapsed in a chair…
and listened.
thought i would write out my anger…
but ran out of time for writing before i even got there.
it was funny, though
i´d been writing a few moments
and looked up: a worker had sat in a chair near by and was watching me
… i must have looked so funny…
i waved good bye to him
and headed back up to the lodge to get to lunch
— i wondered if i was so crabby from listening to the music
.. i did my best to release the tension
vented only a little bit when i got back to the group
´ Ary ´ , i said ´ This Place Is SO UnCivilized. ´
he laughed.
he took us out back after lunch to see a Tapir
— this thing was like a huge pig with a small elephant trunk & Capivara feet (like a three-pointed leaf)
eating lunch´s leftovers…
it DID NOT want me to pet him…
wouldn´t let me close to him
i took some pictures though…
they were offering to do laundry here
for $3.00 an item (yeah, US dollars)
so i washed my shirt and pants in the sink i the room
stood in the shower to rinse them
and wore them around to dry them
then took them back to the room and used the AC to suck the rest of the moisture out of them.
after lunch
i went back to that deck to write
but just lay and drifted
listening to the river flowing by
… killed a golden fly that was trying to bite my foot
when i swatted at him i knocked one of his wings off
and he just buzzed around in fast circles on the ground..
i figured it´d put him out of his misery
so crushed his heady with a leaf and threw him in the grass..
— then went walking.
the jungle smelled SO SWEET
the cocoa… the Chocolate Trees were blooming!
little white flowers growing from the trunk, a large pod hanging..
oooooohhhhh— it smelled SO GOOD!
… walked through a soccer field to get some sun… & musquitos…
i couldn´t stop to spend time with the trees or i´d get eaten..
so i just walked a while
and breathed the sweet air
forest cleaning me off..
when i got back to the lodge i felt much better
& it was time to go on our excursion..
i had an Inca Kola and waited…
then got my sadals
Ary pointed out the Datura on the walk to the dock
but it wasn´t blooming
he told us stories of a friend of his
huge guy who was really into … experimenting with the plants
wrapped and tapped the sap from a datura
and was gone for three days
constantly taking too many plant mixtures and flipping out:
lived with his parents
and scared the shit out of them.
we got in the boat and went back to the place we´d left only hours before
the dock at the amazon side of Mazan
got in the motocars
and headed back to the Napo side (where the actual village was) on the same MotorizedRickshaws
we ate a leaf-wrapped coxinha! rice ball with chicken inside…
a fish/yuca tamale kinda thing…
and fresh pineapple that Ary cut up for us…
we walked through a market
salted meats with parts of the hoof and fur still left so you could see what animal it was…
and all sorts of fish
didn´t smell too bad
but was hot as hell
Jim and i hurried through
while the rest (it was only us and Judy and Pancho and Deetmar that came on this trip ) stayed to buy fixins for Ary´s salsa
when everyone came out
we sauntered down the street
to the dock
saw pigs getting weighed for sale (squeeling their heads off)
trussed up by two tied feet
two men holding a pole with a suspended scale hook..
the pigs didn´t like it..
it looked like men were building a levee or something..
the rivers always flood, of course…
we walked down the broken street
bought some sweets (mmmm, flour)
and then stopped at a DVD store.
yeah… who in this town had TVs and DVD players?
the shop also had engines and tubing and hardware..
and pop culture t-shirts (Gorillaz)
Ary had been telling me about a peruvian movie called Holocausto Cannibal!
and they had it there (well, the sequel) so i bought it… for 5 soles (DVD-R)
i figured Nayland would get a kick out of the camp value at least…
and still, Jim and i walked away first
he was pretty sure one of the boys was putting the make on him..
but we had no idea how homosexuality works here.
we got back in our rickshawas
and headed over to the bigger town in the area:
INDIANA
it was a pretty amazing journey
the road had Maybe 5 inches to spare
and those guys never fell off…
they must have driven it a hundred times
but damn..
if we would have come off the edge of that cement it would not have been pretty..
and we did have to pass people sometimes..
just pull over into the grass..
i took pictures of the people and places we passed..
the bannanas and maize felds
houses
catholic school kids in uniform
jungle…
Indiana.
two lane big boulevard with flowers down the centre
.. the drove us near the main squre and dropped us off by some Turkeys who were strutting around. very blue heads..
i took a picture of a plaque that explained that the founder of this town had lived in Indianapolis and studied there.
came back here and started this town as a Model Village for the Amazons…
— never far from home
i tried to explain what “Hoosier” was
and then got really giddy
and tried talking to all the kids
telling them how i was from Indiana
..
the kids flocked around us
and Ary gave us more vender food:
a fried Knish type thing with carmelized onions and boiled egg…
and a tamale with nearly the same
SO GOOD!
we walked down another blvd lined with trees that had been sculped into shapes:
cones. toucans. triangles. spirals. U…?
sat at a bar with the millions of kids around us
and drank huge beers.
after the first sip, we started singing
“show me the way to go home”
and the kids loved being photographed and shown their pictures…
they started gathering flowers and giving them to Judy..
and the night was coming on.
so we headed down to the dock
and rode back to the resort with the sun setting in front of us..
beautiful colours…
i went to the lodge to write
but no luck…
it was all conversation with the ladies that didn´t go with us
then dinner
til now…
it´s late
i´m tired
and i want to go to bed…
—
judy (CO,IL) is july 12th
Judy (TX) is march 2nd
Christine (NY,VA) is may 31st
Regina (NY) is November 16th…
Judy said i could sleep in her room coz AC does the same thing to her as it does to me
so i´m off to her room now
still cold, but the AC turned off, just the fan going.
ahhh… ball point pens smell bad
but christopher O´Riley´s “Hold me to this” is nice
last song of tonight:
” the tourist “

This morning i woke up lazy
… strange dreams
but i figured i’d be “doing ayhuasca” today
so i had tea for breakfast
all four varieties:
Maté de Cocao, Manzanilla (chamomile), Anis, Canela y Clovo, and a glass of Star fruit juice.
i enjoyed petting the capybara again this morning
that strange clicking sound he makes
… even the pet dog was friendly with him…
then we went off to the school
a small open air boat down the Napo
in the next stream
we went into the first big house we came to
surrounded by animals
… pigs, chickens…
and a strange raccoon-like creature they had made a pet of
a “guatamundi”
the mother held it
cuddled it
played with it
then it jumped out of her lap and ran along the roof beams
Ary was using this house to explain things about the culture..
in this area
they are trying to make the people stop killing all the animals
— everyone here kills everything they can get their hands on
and eats them
but it’s not good for tourism:
all the animals learn to be afraid of humans
so don’t come around
so this raccoon thing, the capybara at the lodge
trying to convince people to see them as friends and stop hunting them.
mmmm
he showed us the construction of the house
the kitchen:
open fire stove
flame licking up
smoke blackened ceiling
a work shop
the little raccoon thing interested… but skirting us.
we left there, thanking them
walked around and saw various houses
Ary gave me a fresh chiquita banana
small, but not a finger banana
The children gathered
clotted to us like platelettes
followed us in droves
to the house built high, on a little hill, to look over the river
the family that sold the gasoline
.. another strange raccoon beast
another house
with baby kittens, still blind, staggering around the floor
it was a wonder they didn’t get smashed
bought more necklaces from the young girls…
went through a large brick building with a satelite phone
men Taking the day off, drinking their own rum
drunk in the morning
-loud-
across a large covered bridge to the school-house
… i’d started chasing the kids around
getting them all riled up
scaring them
growling
running around..
but in the school
everyone was calm
Jim remarked on how patient they all were–
lack of Tv & Cocacola?
they sang us their national anthem
so we sang them ours..
i didn’t know all the words…
and could not sing it from my heart
just swallowed it
we sang the ABC’s song twice
sang the second time with me pointing at the alphabet chart so they could have some idea of what we were singing about
… we gave our gifts
then headed out to the lawn
more shopping
i bought another necklace
then took off my jacket
let down my hair (i’d braided my beard to entertain them)
took off my sandals
… and started chasing them!
running all around the yard
slipping in the grass
catching kids (not trying too hard to catch them)
lifting them over my head
roaring and growling
i stopped for a while to rest
and tried to teach a kid who was playing a string game by himself
our “cat’s cradle”
which i played growing up
and it’s more fun, right? you do it with two people…
… he didn’t get it
Regina and i started doing it
and then a local woman recognized it
and she started showing the kid…
just then
i grabbed a kid who had forgotten i was a monster
– a boy wearing a “quicksilver” shirt who i’d not been able to catch before
— i spun him around a long time and lifted him up and down…
turned him upside down
and tickled him squirming on the ground
… chased a few more kids around
then we went to the boat to leave
the kids followed us
and one of them hurt another
so i leaped out of the boat
and picked up the little crying boy
& carried him away from the throng
cradling him like a baby
i pet/reikied his head & kissed his neck, trying to make him feel better
— never been great at comforting people
but the attention made him stop crying
he just looked at me
.. i put him down in the grass
waved Bye
and ran down to the boat
back to the lodge
i napped & slept through lunch!
woke right before everyone left to visit the shamans at the EthnoBotanical garden..
caught up & sat & listened to another guide with another group…
Ary handed me a variety of spilanthes:
same affect
but different than ours: smaller flowers..
perhaps 7mm diameter
he then introduced me to one of the shamans who took care of the gardens
a guy named Guillermo
who offered to give me a tattoo from the same plant i’d read about Tobias Schneebaum using to colour his body black when he lived in the amazon..
it was called Huito
they asked me what i wanted on my face!
i told them “Jaguar”
and i thought he’d do it in the shaman style like i’d seen in the museum
but.. he did a little cat face on my fore head!
it looked kinda silly
but there i was: stuck with it for a week or so.
it was watery, very light grey when he put it on
over the next few hours it darkened to black
the two shamans (the other was named Julio)
gave out peices of Uña de Gato
and offered to sell us balm made of it
and some special type of oil they said was all the rage in china…
— i asked Guillermo if he would show me the Ayhuasca (” Soul Vine “)
he showed me where it was… and then how it was growing Everywhere!
— right next to some San Pedro cacti
he told me the vine was mixed with the leaves of Yage (they call it Ayhuasca “yage” in columbia.. but here it is another plant)
the leaves of another sisterplant: Chacaruna
and … “Angel Trumpets”… “Toé” … or what we know as “Datura”
he cut me a small slice of the vine
i smelled it
licked it
he said it was used here as a regular medicine to rid the body of parasites
but mixed with the others for shamanic work…
then he lifted the lid off a bucked by the wall behind us
and… there was an Anaconda inside.
he pulled it out and held it up for me to see
then let me hold it
… the rain was coming down now
and our group had left while i was looking at the plants
so i just enjoyed the feel of the snake on my body
let it crawl up my arm
wrap itself around my neck and chest
it’s not poisonous: it’s a constrictor…
like the snake i had as a pet for many years as a teenager
.. he took some pictures of me
then gave me a large piece of fresh Ayahuasca, Uña de Gato balm
and the special oil
“copiaba” oil…
and a plastic bag to wrap the camera in
i walked back through the rain, through the forest
and got to the dock just in time for the boat to be leaving:
they were heading off to catch Piranas!
so i ran down to the dock and jumped in the boat
and off we sped.
i took off my shirt
put everything in the plastic bag
.. everyone else was wearing panchos
– i was naked to the waist
i stood up in the boat
feeling the rain hit my body..
it was cold if i was sitting down
but
for some reason
warm when i was standing up
so i rode most of the way standing
it put me more in touch with my surroundings
exhilerating
all that nature touching me so intensely
i was high..
the destination was the same inlet the school was on
but much further back
we baited simple stick-rods, lines, hooks with…
beef? pork? water buffalo?
stuck hunks of raw meat on the hooks
and dangled them in the water.
because pirana have such sharp teeth
they don’t get caught the same way
they don’t try and swallow the whole bait
they just rip it to shreds: avoiding the hook
so the technique for catching them was different
: when you felt them biting
you had to yank the rod quicky
attempting to spear the fish
our beefy and very indigenous-looking boat driver was excellent at catching them
he caught three big fish
apart from him
i am the only one who caught any
and i caught two small ones
which, apparently, one wasn’t a pirana
but some other variety of similar fish.
mine was the size of an angel fish
his were the size of two & 1/2 fists
orange belly, big teeth
Ary told us they wouldn’t eat us
it’s only in the movies that humans get devoured by pirana
he stuck his hand in the water
the women gasped…
out of meat
the mosquitoes getting heavy
and everyone tired of not catching anything
we rode back to the lodge
— not much rain
heavy clouds
beautiful.
i stood up in the boat when we got back on the napo to try and dry my pants…
i kept turning to watch our boat driver…
turning back to watch the water and sky
… eventually i got cold an sat down
right before we turned back up the Sucusari (where ExplorNapo is)
i was continually amazed at how much water our boat and small engine displaced
huge waves that would rock & fill the low-riding dug-out canoes…
sometimes we’d slow down as we passed the locals
other times
the drivers wouldn’t notice them and get them wet…
when we got back
Jim had been watching the Yellow Rump Cassics making their nests
hanging sack-like nests from the branches in the trees out front
he said he’d been out there for over an hour
.. i went to shower
then rub the oil of Copiaba on me.
i rested for a while in the room
then went back to the lodge & deck to chat with Jim &E&D&J&P.
we went in for dinner
i had more tea while Ary played & sang
i realized now was not the time for consuming & brewing Ayuhuaca
so i ate dinner
which wasn’t great:
the first lodge had much better food…
and i notice Ary never ate the food they served for us…
but the papaya was good
then we got back in the same boat & went out for a night ride…
motor at first… slow… quiet…
up stream.
further…
deeper..
then motor-off…
just two men paddling (guillermo up front)
we saw birds, “manequin”, sleeping in the trees,
their plump little bodies squat and still on the tiny branches
& in one
a black/green/shiny snake heading up the branches to eat one of the birds!
Guillermo grabbed the snake out of the tree (he’s a snake aficionado)
and gave it to me.
everybody in the boat freaked out
— Jim included.
very unhappy i had the snake in the boat
but i pet him and held him & wrapped him round my neck..
but he was uncomfortable… wanted to be released
and everyone was on his side
so i let him go on a bank after about 10 minutes from the tree where the bird was:
better luck next time..
more birds on the branches..
sleeping blue iridescent butterflies
tree frogs
and other frogs…
the sky cleared
the ring around the moon
Jupiter?
watching it reflected inn the water..
the frogs, crickets, birds all talking
conversations
quiet
listening…
fireflies…
moving through the dark liquid night…
back to the lodge
Guillermo gave Pancho a massage
so i got my oil and worked on Ary for a while
sitting in the chair for a bit
but massaging in a char is no good [no bueno]
so i he layed on the floor & i did my proper style
neck, head, face, shoulders, back & chest.
reiki…
he was zonked
he was impressed
i was glad
only us left in the lodge
he was passed out for a while
when he woke
i told him to drink plenty of water
then came to bed to write by the light of the lantern
DONE!

… it’s about 18:15 now, raining
went to sleep last night about 8, i guess.
fell asleep pretty easy — & slept well.
[thunder rolling through the sky]
woke about 7 or so today…
stretched a bit . .
felt the soreness in my shoulders from two days ago.
legs from the cliff side.
but the morning was beautiful…
as i lay in bed turning over & over
i kept hearing the things hitting the roof
[thunder]
& thought it was rain.
but it wasn’t, still clear skies…
some clouds…
Breakfast —
i ate the rest of the Medjool Dates i brought from California..
havine one to give to Ary…
explaining to him that it was like a banana of the desert
from a palm.
–he liked it…
but who wouldn’t like a medjool date?
mmmmmmmmm
—&There were GOOD omletes!
Regina, from Ronkokomo, does NOT eat Eggs.
poor girl…
she explained – her mother was an Orthodox Jew, Father a very poor German
bland foods.
anyway
We said GoodBye to the Noisy, but Beautiful, Parrots
… vulchers roosting on the roof of the bird house…
— put our stuff in the boat —
then walked across land to the YanaMono Clinic
started by an American woman, Dr. Linnea Smith
though she was back in the USA learning some new medical advancement at the time we were there…
She came here as a tourist back in ’90 and decided working here was more important than anything she was doing in Wisconsin…
nice of her
but this clinic was Aleopathic, western medicine
though, talking with the other doctor who was there ( a local man who’s family lived in Iquitos)
it sounded like they still used SOME of the plants
the example he gave, oddly enough, was how they used Ayahuasca to help cure people of parasites in the intestines…
he told us it was very infrequent that they treated malaria
and then
it was mostly hunters and fishers who were out after dark, spending a lot of time still in the jungle
.. i figured, from the statistics he gave, that we had less than a 3% chance of getting malaria while we were there..
now if the book had said that i wouldn’t have worried about it at all!
On the walk out to the clinic
we passed by quite a few cow-dung heaps
with many mushrooms growing out of them
at one point, Ary stopped us and asked me to explain to the group what these were used for
i told them it was used for unifying the consciousness of groups of people
like an entire tribe
or tribunal of shamans
Judy (CO) asked if it Really did that – or i just THOUGHT it did
— i related the story of Tucson with Syzygy & Scott Webel
[basically, i imagined i was controling Syzygy with my mind, but also believed it was just a hallucination.. and Scott, who had not consumed any mushrooms, stopped me by telling me i “should go play puppets” with myself – terrorfied me not only for that one instance, but of the many others i’d had and Not had a ‘control’ person be able to verify what i was doing from the outside — i was 20 at the time]
… Later i told her the nature of mushrooms (rhizome connection, one being; dissolving everything back into primal nature) and Monotheism (everything is just one thing anyway, awareness of that allows consciousness as that)
Ary told her not to listen to me
and i made a show of grabbing two of the largest caps and sticking them in my pocket
i ate one
Ary told me they were much stronger than anything i’d get in the US
… but he’s a Nationalist
.. i hardly felt anything..
…but enough to know that right now was NOT a good time to have a mushroom trip.
i threw the other overboard on the boat trip up the Napo River.
The Dolfins run here
they don’t come up to the boat to say Hello
they don’t follow and play
— all the animals in the jungle are hunted and eaten by the people that live out here
and, just like almost everywhere else on the planet, the people are multiplying like crazy
so the animals everywhere are terrified of humans
— the tourism people are trying to stop the people out here from doing that
so that the tourists actually have something to see..
there are two types of dolfins in the amazon
pink and grey… fresh water dolfins!
– the first spanish explorers called the amazon “el Rio Mar”
the River-Sea
coz it’s So Huge.
& like the sea
wind & storms
very deep…
i sat up front this time
& rode out the mushroom
stuffy nose, slightly giddy
nothing Really Happening though…
just a higher degree of self consciousness
— but i do understand now the mushrooms i saw in Brazil last year
– these are not Psylacibie Qubensis … it’s something else
& i remember someone at Wolf Creek having brought some back for Beltane once..
explaing “amazonian witches mushrooms”
— something else.
–
(arrived at the NapoLodge)
when i got off the boat at the lodge
walked up the planks onto the land
i was greeted by a strange black chicken thing (Ary called him Raul)
who ran right up to me
and started pecking at my shoes and legs kinds playfully
he wouldn’t let me pet him
but he danced around me…
The lodge here is similar to the other one
Nice Long Walkways…
i took a NAP.
Jim takes naps a lot…
this trip is very healing
all the oxygen in the jungle…
& all the Naps.
Rest: i need it.
when i woke
i walked over to the dining hall to get lunch
but it wasn’t ready yet
… out side
i ran into a large rodent thing
Ary called him Charlie
… apparently it’s a Capivara
the largest Rodent on earth!
Nayland had just showed me one of these in the Natural History Museum a few weeks ago..
he was kinda cute
strange
he really liked being pet, though
he made little happy squeeling/yippy noises when i pet him
thick brown fur, sparsely on the body…
big tri-tipped feet.
strange.
we had a lunch of pineapple chicken
palm heart salad
olive tamari rice
yuca
rolls
i had Two servings of chicken
then came here to sleep again!
Woke just in time
[thunder]
for our canopy walk..
groggy, i forgot the camera…
only noticed about 10 minutes into the walk when i saw Dietmar taking a picture of a tree…
& I Wanted Pictures Of This!
so i bolted back
running through the jungle IS GREAT!
so much oxygen & moisture in the air
– no asthmatic feelings at all
… my lungs often get dry and arid feeling when i run..
but there were quite a few turns on the trail
i did my best to remember where the turns were
up to this point they had all been right turns (but not at every branch…)
so at the lodge
i walked to catch my breath
then ran back along the trail
following the rights…
when i got to the point i’d left the group at
i started walking again
to breathe…
and to watch
next turn… i took a right
walked fast
called out ” HOLA! ”
… no reply
walked faster
called again
heard a response
– i was on the right trail! –
so i ran…
& caught up.
[had dinner, back at 21:45]
sweating profusely
we stood around
so i could catch my breath
but really
Ary was showing the group where the Army Ants lived
smashing up their house in the roots of a big tree to get them all to run out
amazing everyone at their population
Yeah.
we took a left at the next branch
down
and a right back up the hill
a small short cut
(i’m glad i got back when i did)
ary showed us the special palms in the forest that they used to make the rooves
Lapido Cardium
a special oil in the leaves
great protection from rain… and decay
they only need to change them every 8 years or so…
— these palms only grow around here, he said…
and then we were there at the Canopy Tower
the exit tower, we were doing it backwards.
the walks and platforms were hoisted to the trees with steel cables
the trees supported by steel cabels connected to the earth somewhere
… the idea came from a man in Borneo who had visited
had built a few there and thought it would be good here
only one other in the world, in Costa Rica…( or guatemala?)
they thought it would be great for scientific study… but it’s beautiful for Tourists too
only 3 people on the planks at a time
(aluminum ladders with wood boards on top,
ropes through the rungs;
dacron nets along the sides up to rope hand rails hanging off the steel cables.)
& 4 people allowed on a platform
( : wooden tree-house type areas high up in the threes…
suspended by steel cables connected to the trees with padding, trees supported from falling by steel cabels connected to the ground)
so we went in teams of 4
— dietmar, elizabeth, judy & pancho went first.
then the accountant & his wife & kid
then Jim, Judy, Christine & Regina
— Ary and i stayed back to wait for the Noisy Americans to get far ahead…
.we talked about yoga & martial arts
— he was impressed by my streatching… & he has studied various Martial arts most of his life
— he’s a black belt in a few of them…
.spiritual healers & brazil
— he was interested to hear about John of God and told me about someone he’d heard about…
.traveling & our work
–he’s travelled a lot as well in his day: his wife is american
–and he was curious of my way of… Living
… while the musquitos gathered..
then he let me go…
always allowing me plenty of time to just watch & soak up the beauty
… the green.
while i stopped to feel the energy of the trees up there
i was amazed to see ants all of the way at the top of the trees…
but i guess that’s part of their work…
the vistas that went on forever
from up there..
it kinda looked like the grasslands of Kansas
.. it was beautiful.
the view, the trees, all the green
so healing in so many ways
… but i was taking too long
everyone started calling up to me
complaining
afraid we’d get caught in the dark
but the trip back was just over a half hour at the longest
and we had over an hour and a quarter left before Night
so.. i took my time.
& lagged behind them on th eway back to take pictures
.. til it got too dark to take the pictures without a flash
— the forest getting dark much quicker than the sky
( i did not figure that well into my calculations )
…& the clouds were getting heavy too
( i could see them comming in from the canopy… from the boat right out here too
i’d been watching them all day… wondering if they’d blow through or… stay a while )
Large things started falling from the forest ceiling…
walking so far behind the group
i couldn’t hear their noise…
i got a bit spooked at the crashing sounds
looking for large animals… or monsters
i ran to catch up
& walked the last five minutes back to the logdge
at the front of the group
when we got out; back to the resort
i played with the strange chicken/birds: “Raul” & his mate…
just as i’d finished taking pictures of them
it started to lightly rain
— as i walked back to the room
the rain turned to a downpour.
i took off my pants & shoes,
put away the camera…
& walked out into the rain…
for about 45 minutes or so…
letting the rain drench my shirt & boxers…
letting it wash all the sweat off’
cool me down.
i wrote for a while, naked in my bed
then changed into my loose billowing cotton pants & army shirt (with all the pockets)
& went to have dinner…
hot chocolate first
… then More!
& purple corn & prune jelly/pudding
with pineapple
then spaghetti alfredo with mushrooms
rice with salsa
cat fish in tomato sauce
cooked whole tomato
green beans
some cauliflowers & salad…
drank a cup of coco tea…
talking with E&D about Tucson
then A&J&P about martial arts & dancing;
then a toilet break
and back to talk with Jim & R about Polotics…
drank a bit of absinth
… then came back to the room to write!
rain still falling
i gotta pee again
… then sleep.
[ i’ve had the songs “kerosene hat” & “communist’s daughter” in my head today… as well as “fade into you” and “knuckle too far” since i left… i sang them in the rain. ]

random thoughts and notes

we didn´t wake up til about 11 am this morning
and it was slow…
but after Jim left the room
i took a shower
and organized my things…
–noticing i had an acute paranoia…
so i got the key the safe-box in the room
and locked up my money and passport and tickets… Jim´s too…
then i left Jim in the lobby reading a magazine
to walk around the city.
— as Sao Paolo did last year, the air here kinda burned my nose and throat…
big cities…
just the slight difference of pollution control between here and NY makes the difference..
that
and i´ve been used to the clean air out in the desert… so i´m actually breathing deeply..
—i walked down to the ocean..
beautiful high cliffs covered in morning glories
tourists parasailing
gardins of beautiful purple succulents…
it´s spring here…
there was a large section of the garden made for lovers…
a huge statue of a man and a woman laying together and kissing
mosaic benches about 200ft long
in a U shape
… creating an intimate space..
and the ocean beyond..
the green cliffs down to the road, the beach
a little dirt trail for those who would walk..
i took pictures
and smiled at the people who were curious of my look
— beautiful women..
but i had to be aware of time: we were meeting the guide at 12:30
i got back just in time
but she was a half hour late…
South American Time!
— it gave everyone in the group a chance to talk.
9 of us on this Pre-trip section
all couples, except one woman from the mountains outside of Denver, CO
a german/latina couple from Tucson
a spanish speaking couple from near San Antonio
two female friends from NYC (jamaica and Ronkokamo)
we piled in the bus
and drove down to the retaurant
all telling stories of or lives and travels
— i hardly remember anyone´s names..
then we drove off into Lima
(we´re staying in a nice sea-side tourist district called Miraflores — litterally “Look at Flowers”)
the old architecture
the slight dilapidation… the colours..
our guide, Nieves, pointed out a man sitting down on the corner with a clip-board
he was marking what time the busses went by
and
if a driver wanted to
he could stop and ask when the last one was
to know if he should speed up or slow down..
and he´d give him 20cents for the information..
apparently
people do this because they make more money at this than the minimum wage.
similarily
men were sitting next to stacks of cardboard boxes:
they sell these to anyone who needs them to organize things in their houses, etc…
2 or 3 Soles…
but maybe 35 for a refrigerator box..
ah… the stuff we cast off in the US is still usefull and precious here.
we went to the natural history museum
and i very quickly got out my camera and started photographing the strange drinking jugs with two pipes to a single mouth piece–
all sorts of faces and characters
contortionists
people having sex, masturbating
animals, gods, trophy heads
san pedro cacti sitting in pots
so our guide could explain to us the strange transformations of the Shamans into Jaguars…
i bought a little change purse
and some chocolate
jim bought some jugs of couples copulating
and we got back into the van
driving further into the centre of Lima
we started seeing the really interesting ornate architecture and colours
… stopped in traffic
i was taking pictures
and the idea occured to me that this might be the first foreign trip i have pictures of..
most of my negatives were destroyed from the time i lived in england as a 17 year old
before i got to print them
and the mongolia trip, Kwai took all the pics and i´ve only seen a hand full of them..
i didn´t have a camera in south africa, but a few were taken, i have one envelope of them
but i had no camera in europe:
just the photobooth pictures
my return trip to america had all the pics i took from my crapy archos mp3 camera
and i took many with it in Brazil
but it was stolen upon return to the US in Miami..
i opened the window to get a better shot
leaned out the window to take some pictures
and a man jumped out from behind the bus and grabbed my camera and ran off with it..
— the sensation was so strange
i was surprised
but at the same time
if someone interracts with my body so intimately as to remove something from my hand
my first impression is that they are supposed to be doing that
or that i know them, somehow
a relationship is assumed
so i kinda let him do it before i realized what happened
— i´d never had anything stolen from me directly: only when i wasn´t around
it only took me a second to realize what happened though
and i tried to follow him, of course
the people in the bus were shocked and confused when i bolted out
running through traffic
but when i got to the sidewalk
there was no trace of him
just people staring at me
… however strange i might have looked
it was obvious enough that i was a tourist
thus, getting no help from them
i took a breath
and let it go
walked back to the bus
and explained what happened
it put a bit of a damper on things
and people kept bringing it up
telling their stories..
it heightened my paranoia..
when we got out to walk around the square
beutiful old buildings, great colours..
mustard yellow
powder blue
moss green…
with old ornage wooden balconies
and an elaborate fountain in the centre…
i started feeling angry with all people staring at me
(looking like jesus)
all the people asking us to buy things
i did my best to just relax and release
what else to do?
buy a little bag to hide my wallet in so i wouldn´t be worried about pick pockets..
then into an old Franciscan monastery…
that certainly helped calm me..
down in to the catacombs
the piles of bones
arranged into patterns
have fun..
the guide suggested i file a police report to see if the traveller´s insurance would cover it..
so we dropped off the rest of the group at the hotel
and headed out to the police station
she explained to me that we´d have to kinda lie to them
tell them it happened here in Miraflores instead of down town Lima
or we´d have to go all the way back there
and it would take much much longer
— so she made up a story and told it to me and told me i had to tell it..
“this is how things work here”
… yes, i know.
fortunately
the police who took my report did not speak english
so she did all the lying… i just complied.
when we were finished
she got the paperwork
and went back to the hotel in a taxi..
—up to this point, i´d not see any of the Cent pieces..
only 1, 2 and 5 Soles coins, along with the bills..
most of our group didn´t even have Soles… prefering to use dollars
which work here just as well
thought it´s slightly more expensive… less hassle.
i was a bit worried that i was too much in the tourist circuit
an wouldn’t even see the cent pieces
but when i paid to have the police report photocopied
i got 60cents change…
i went to buy things at the artisans´ market…
colourful pointy hats for nayland…
NO!
but some bags (i needed one… and could share)
some gloves
some socks
and a hat for the bright sun in the jungle…
i walked home
down the main strip
a little boy followed me
at first
i thought he was just following me
but pretty soon
i realized he was begging..
which was funny, i thought about giving him some change when i first saw him
but thought it would engender bad habits in him..
as i walked along
and he hopped next to me
i sang him little songs about
Desculpe… los siento.. que lastima.. Little Boy…
he kept repeating something
but it wasn´t really TO me
he didn´t say it loud enough
i told him he´d have to get stronger..
and eventually he got tired of following me.
when i got back to the hotel
jim had gone out to eat already
so i just dropped my stuff off in the room
ate some dates
and came down here to write before heading out to get a bit to eat myself.
jim walked by a little bit ago
i gave him the room key..
and tomorrow
we leave at 4am for Iquitos.
i am pretty sure i won´t have internet access when i get there
so i´ll back-date the days when i´m back
along with a current one.
i´ve got a paper book i´m making notes in to be able to write more interesting daily accounts on here
———— (updated at 10:42) ———-
i just got back from dinner:
10:45
i walked out the door after posting the Day 1 entry
and realized i didn´t know where i was going..
i turned left
turned right
and started walking..
deciding i didn´t want to be out late
because i have to be up at 3am…
the first restaurant i came to was a nice little italian perrilla (grill)
and i was happy enough looking at the menu that i went in and asked if they were still serving food (in my very broken spanish ” su… Abierto? “)
he assured me they were
and i sat down at the table behind the door
set for four
he handed me the menu
and while i perused it
he cleared the rest of the seating..
it seemed so strange
but made me grateful he did so
— to not draw attention to my eating alone.
i decided to get a glass of wine
Morcilla (blood pudding, a house specialty) for starters
and a Milanese con Funghi… which i didn´t know what that was.
the garlic bread he brought out had three wonderful condiments:
oil and parsley with garlic
a wonderfully spiced hot chili paste
and a sour cream house dressing thing
they balanced eachother wonderfully
and i was half through the basket when the morcilla came
… i hadn´t eaten blood sausage since switzerland with my friend Wolfgang..
and that was the only time i´d ever eaten it before…
it was wonderful in Zürich…
nothing much to speak of here…
warm and filling and energizing..
i could feel the blood pumping
like i was filling up with iron..
but it didn´t really taste like much
… but cooked blood.
finished with enough time to finish the bread
before the Milanese came out
and what was it?
a breaded veal
pounded out and covered in cheese and mushrooms
nice
i enjoyed it
but by the end
was just shoving it in my mouth
coz i was tired and had to poo and wanted to get home..
paid him 45 soles
and thanked him
walked out onto the street
turned right, turned left
and decided to walk to the ocean.
turned out this was the exact street i took down to the ocean earlier today
so i breathed in the air
watched the lights
and walked left
back towards the lovers´ monument..
there were many couples kissing on beanches as it was..
where were the fags though?
perhaps by the pissoir?
no, that was locked for the night..
i noticed a little seat on the other side of the fence
right on the edge of the cliff
i crossed the barrier and sat down
watching the waves lap at the shore
pushing themselves back out
and heaving in…
wondering if someone would come up behind me and push me over…
wondering why i was so scared here…
vibe?
i got back up
and walked along the embankment behind the area i walked earlier
a boy and girl making out in the dark..
was she holding his dick?
i walked on
and saw a path starting under the fence..
a steep drop
but it only took me a second to realize i wanted to put my feet in the water……..
so down the edifice i went..
weaving down the cliff
slipping on the rocks
traipsing through the morning glories..
— it doesn´t rain here
they had watering hoses hidden in the vines.
when i got down to the road
a cop had pulled a motorcyclist over
i hoped he wouldn´t stop me…
… he didn´t.
but when i got to the freeway
i noticed a big wall… so how was i to get to the sea?
i walked along
and found a stairway
long and winding down and out and down and over and down.
to the beach!
which wasn´t a beach…
i noticed they called all the parkinglots in Lima “playa” today..
maybe it´s coz no one knows what a Beach is?
it was all pebbles… rocks.. to stop the erosion?
something..
but no sand of which to speak
well… perhaps a bit
but it was all covered in bigger stones!
in fact
the cliffs were made of the same thing
some dirt.. gravel… stones…
looked very unstable..
i got to a place the ocean could reach me
and lifted my pant legs up
and let the water lap at me..
i was a bit worried it was polluted..
but i figured i was already… and i´d come all this way
so i wasn´t going to let that stop me.
it felt great.
then it was time to head home.
up the stairs
up the cliff
back along the ocean walk-way
a girl passed me twice on a bike..
was she circling all night?
what was the thorne in her side?
i know mine…
i stopped and did pull-ups on a bar
and found the same road back to the hotel:
Francia to Grau…
back here
and i really need to take a crap (and pack for tomorrow)
yes…
really need to let go of some things..
like how i was thinking of “the power of now” again
and how i remembered that when i was a 19
in my acid and mushroom days
i came to the understanding that i could succeed at finding peace
but it would probably mean that i´d have to give up my idea of being famous for being a tortured artist…
as that is all i loved at that time: the beautiful utterances of the suffering.
and it was turmoil for me..
i wanted people to hear my wails of pain..
i didn´t want to let the bastards who made my childhood Hell to get away with it…
but over the years
that´s just not important to me anymore..
but the programming is still there…
what have i got to lose?
why not?

of course..
i didn´t sleep last night.
i´ve made a habit of it
before long trips
just not sleeping.
trying to wrap up loose ends..
maybe i´ve just got too many loose ends?
— i´m a frayed knot.
i bought four bottles of water for the plane, three for me and one for jim
some dates and a walnut bar
we started driving into LA at 7:30 am
.. i slept about a half hour
the ride in was mostly uneventful
G and J making their customary driving comments
“fucking cunt” and laughing at their jokes
i forgot to call my parents
so
borrowed jim´s phone
nattered with them both a bit..
my father was the one to say ” i love you ” this time
impressed
i nodded off in the back seat
and woke near the airport.
it started raining
and we had to take a bus from the terminal out to the gate
… never had done that before.
we flew LAN
and watched movies..
i got to watch Batman Begins
which i chose of Bewitched and Cindarella man
… i was feeling bitchy from lack of sleep
and didn´t pay much attention to the movie
thinking it was just a stupid fighting movie
until it started to draw me in
inspiring me
the belief of training people to destroy society every time it got over corrupt
and how Bruce Wayne was just too compassionate to believe that all hope was lost…
gonna do it the hard way
stop this avalance one boulder at a time..
the whole movie based on facing and overcomming/using your fears..
my favourite quote was
“it´s not who you are underneath that matters
it´s what you do that defines you”
i wrote down a few other things in my book that the movie made me think of:
-though i was not born a prince
that is no reason for me not to become one
(at this point in my life, i see that)
pleanty of people have mistaken me for one
it would be nice if i´d do the same
and educate myself into a pleasing super-human status
— sciences and martial arts… languages and arts..
… in this world of non-sequitors
all lineage has lost it´s roots..
perhaps i can find a place…
what use is hidden in my anger at the world?
what magic in my lonliness?
! i need a teacher! even still.. i will reject him.
— over all
the movie was entertaining.
i listened the new Moby album
.. the first track sounded promising… but it very quickly got tiring
:
i fell asleep
and woke at the next album.. something in spanish
a few tracks played before it woke me up enough to change it
to…?
the new ColdPlay record
ugh…
same feeling as always with them
— sounds pretty
but it´s really boring.
i turned it off
and started over BATMAN again to see the first 20 minutes or so that ignored
then napped a bit
read a bit
looked through the Machu Pichu book that Thor gave me
then ate again
then started reading “the power of now” that Leo had given me..
it read incredibly quickly for me..
perhaps because i felt like i knew it all already
— still, i was annoyed that i was reading some crap new-age text book
and thought it was funny that i was so judgemental and defensive about it
but it took til about page 30 that something really hit me
the place where he started talking about the difference between Love and Joy
versus
Emotions…
the word comes fromt he latin for “disturbance”
and he was saying
that what most people think is love
is just pleasure
hence
many relationships
quickly turn to anger and attacking
… and i couldn´t dissagree
i felt terrified..
but
we were there
… an 8 hour flight.
if i had started reading earlier, i could have finished it!
so i´ve got this trip to look forward to working through it.
minimal hassle at the Lima Airport
but i was really tired
and jim started telling me stories of when he was a teacher
and how he would hit the kids
and how it was good for them
because
basically
kids need attention
and they like it when an adult takes the time to discipline them
and maybe this is why i´d be a bad father
but shouldn´t there be another form of attention?
one of support and love?
then he went on to tell me story after story of the kind of father he had
drunk
beating up on his sons
killing their dog
— i stopped him
and told him over and over and over to stop telling me these abusive stories
it took me yelling at him a bit
and he said “well go to hell, then”
and pretty much shut off from me
fine.
i needed a rest
but felt bad
: i was not understood
and he was not understanding
and i´d done a bad job of protecting myself
( i hurt someone else )
the hotel was nice
but
such a change from the desert:
everything felt damp
we slept in seperate beds
a little night-stand between
like a Chassidic jew´s bedroom
or the Cleaver´s…