there’s a red towel on the side deck here
the towel i kinda stole from Adriano in Sao Paulo
the towel i used throughout brazil
and then florida and LA
and a few other places i’ve travelled…
last: portland
the towel still has cum stains from my cumming on it when i was having sex with Billy in that beautiful forest…
the towel has been laying in the sun since i got back
well, the few hours a day when the sun hits that side deck
the towel is on an old sunning-chair
plastic straps moldy from all the rain here
the towel covers that
and hangs over the sides: it is So big (as Adriano is)
the part of the towel on the top of the chair, though, is bleaching quite nicely
… the passing of time…
but the cum stains are still very visible.
Omens
would-be positive tops
that i turn to bottoms
out of safety
delivering all my hope, glory and love
old crazy man
always dirty
always pushing a bike up the hill
but never riding it
carrying things
really heavy
always pushing that bike
or sitting there
looking really fucking tired
why are they alive?
The Lovers…
Clingy
to fall into arms
wait, why am i here?
express your intention
this isn’t what you said
and this isn’t what i want…
but your hands never leave me
and when they’re on me
they’re moving
and how can i find peace in this
when there is no attraction for me?
and what kind of love could this be from you
if you don’t feel that from me?
what food are you looking to feed off of in me?
Insecurity (what an old tale.)
nnnnn
Everyone is a complete dissapointment
it’s not enough,
it’s just a habit
it get’s me just Sick
and darling, this is it.
c n o
what was the n?
i don’t remember the name of it
the N
was it even that?
but i think i remember the idea
or
at least
AN idea
that i meant to write about:
The California Brain Suckers
This is a bad Sci-Fi novel.
“what is that sound in your voice?”
‘like, what are you talking about?’
those who were born here were devoured by spirits who exist in another plane
deamons who followed the other spirits back from Atlantis
eating the minds of the young
when they are most susceptible
before they had given possessions of their minds over to Established Organizations who have much better protection from things like this.
now
as adults
they cannot concentrate on anything
and if asked a simple quesiton
they cannot give you the answer
it’s hard for them to know one day from another
i, myself, am very much like this
but re-create myself everyday
so am safe.. in a way
but i influenced a man who had co-opted his own protection and he did not understand the way i worked
so
opening his mind up so much
left him vulnerable to these very beasts who still inhabit the land looking for prey
and he has been also made such a creature of indecision and lack of “understanding”
it’s dangerous here
i don’t know what to do
but i know i don’t like dealing with these zombies
nor worrying about my own psyche being attacked when i leave myself open and free
i fear it has something to do with the marijuana here
but it could be anything…
i must stay viligant…
i must…