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i’m officially back
walking in the rain
breakfast with friends
thinking of moving to brooklyn
teaching knuckle-push-ups
dreaming of pillow booking
wearing colour instead of just white for the first time in two weeks
preparing to go underground
being out west makes me want to own a car
so much open space
bein in the Atlanta airport makes me want to move here
so many round men
.iP
oh
kinda slept last few days
travel weary
ha!
left side of the head still fuct
sitting on the plane next to a weedy awkward intelligensia man with thick yellow glasses hunched over a book explaining everything about emotions
I’m staring out the window
twisting in the winds of Martha Wainwright
wondering if such a book would really explain it all
or somehow just damn it up into stagnant reservours useless for any purpose but breeding pests
and turning me into a likewise gollym creature…
oh, answers given to the mysteries of the world
why can’t I trust you?
at least
I’m very grateful I can trust myself
halfway home now
half
way
.iP
for those of you who know CocoRosie
I have to say it was a beautiful sight
to walk into the common house
and see everyone in there swimmingly dancing to “K-Hole”
.iP
so
on the second or third day here
my iPhone 3Gs camera kinda broke
odd
every photo I take is lost somewhere…
if I make a video
then take pictures
I can acess them and use them only for that period
but when I put the phone to sleep
and go back to them later
they are gone
no doubt I can fix this when I get home
but I had intended to send out daily iPhone photos
so am diappointed in that
one might think
that’s good: take a break from the net!
but I haven’t.
I’ve used my iP every day to check emails and various messages
an Irishman from France has been sending me porn stories every day I download
and read the next morning upon waking
and waking up hasn’t been easy
I’ve been endlessly tired here
I thought it was altitude
but now understand it’s from an infected tooth…
what’s up with all this tooth shit going on?
upon acceptance of that
I’m doing my magic on it
and using my herbs
and it’s abating
still
a good deal of my energy is tied in the pain and healing
and on some note besides just me
my confusion with trannies continues
an ftm here who is an amazing force
sight, music and magic
I didn’t notice the T for many days
and that gave me a nice chunk of mybown perceptions to mull over
just at that point
some guy rolls in on a Harley in full leather
long strawberry blond hair, clean shaven
and though I don’t hear him talking about his gender
I do hear him talking about being on Estrogen
and losing his perscription
and getting in fights
needing three people to take him down
saying her has too much testosterone and the estrogen calms him
this crazy gruff violent man taking E to balance his over masculinity
I’d never heard that story
and the next time I saw him he was in beautiful crushed red velvet from head to toe
and when I saw him naked later
he had demure breasts…
in other news
a long-haired muscly beautiful Virgo showed up a few days ago
and we’ve been kissing like crazy
really the only sex I’ve had at the gathering
and he’s so different than my standard
I’m loving the interraction
that’s all for now…
I’m probably leaving here tomorrow for a few days in Albequerque before returning to NYC on Wednesday
.iP
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Been exhausted since I got here…
been resting a lot
but still tired
some amazing stuff happening, though…
and I won these Ray-Ban’s…
I haven’t worn sunglasses for years
but why not?
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a good dose of counter-propaganda for the 2012 campaign that’s on
right now
for those of you who’ve heard…
this from the book "Dæmonomania" by crowleycrow
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a monk friend of mine told me he loved being celibate
he said beforehand
he was Always looking at people sexually
and is now free of that
I’m a pervert
I look at people sexually all the time
here in Atlanta
the men are noticeably bigger than new york
big, tall… Large
that’s my kink
so I’m drooling over everyone
staring at their fleshy thighs
and pudgy fingers
all married guys here
those bands of yellow metal…
so why are they flying alone?
I don’t understand si many things about living
and
of course
I know enough to know I’m confounded and ignorant of key ingredients
of course
I want to be with all these men
want to lay with them naked
(as I did with a friend this morning)
not even to have sex with them
just hear them talk in their odd paterns of speach
see their bodies
the way their fat fingers pull their scrotums, just to get comfy
all the hidden parts revealed
all mysteries laid bare
past conversations of the recession and business meetings
phone calls home to the wife
as the voice drops into a whisper
a murmur
then passion fills it
and they tell me their dreams of what they want the world to be
the wishes they want to live
the dreams they want to be
… then we could have sex
and make some magic
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often
when I’m excited about the efficacy of a trip being able to change me
I don’t sleep the night before
it’s almost always trouble
today the rain has wrecked my plans
the airport it packed with disgruntled travellers
and I’m just taking it in stride
I am feeling the wear now though..,
hopefully I’ll be in the air in an hour
and spending tonight in Atlanta
who knows what adventures are in store…
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