so
on the second or third day here
my iPhone 3Gs camera kinda broke

odd
every photo I take is lost somewhere…

if I make a video
then take pictures
I can acess them and use them only for that period
but when I put the phone to sleep
and go back to them later
they are gone
no doubt I can fix this when I get home
but I had intended to send out daily iPhone photos
so am diappointed in that

one might think
that’s good: take a break from the net!
but I haven’t.
I’ve used my iP every day to check emails and various messages
an Irishman from France has been sending me porn stories every day I download
and read the next morning upon waking

and waking up hasn’t been easy
I’ve been endlessly tired here
I thought it was altitude
but now understand it’s from an infected tooth…

what’s up with all this tooth shit going on?
upon acceptance of that
I’m doing my magic on it
and using my herbs
and it’s abating
still
a good deal of my energy is tied in the pain and healing

and on some note besides just me
my confusion with trannies continues
an ftm here who is an amazing force
sight, music and magic
I didn’t notice the T for many days
and that gave me a nice chunk of mybown perceptions to mull over
just at that point
some guy rolls in on a Harley in full leather
long strawberry blond hair, clean shaven
and though I don’t hear him talking about his gender
I do hear him talking about being on Estrogen
and losing his perscription
and getting in fights
needing three people to take him down
saying her has too much testosterone and the estrogen calms him
this crazy gruff violent man taking E to balance his over masculinity
I’d never heard that story
and the next time I saw him he was in beautiful crushed red velvet from head to toe
and when I saw him naked later
he had demure breasts…

in other news
a long-haired muscly beautiful Virgo showed up a few days ago
and we’ve been kissing like crazy
really the only sex I’ve had at the gathering
and he’s so different than my standard
I’m loving the interraction
that’s all for now…

I’m probably leaving here tomorrow for a few days in Albequerque before returning to NYC on Wednesday

.iP

for those of you who know CocoRosie
I have to say it was a beautiful sight
to walk into the common house
and see everyone in there swimmingly dancing to “K-Hole”

.iP

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Been exhausted since I got here…
been resting a lot
but still tired

some amazing stuff happening, though…

and I won these Ray-Ban’s…
I haven’t worn sunglasses for years
but why not?

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i sleep

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i’m out at www.zms.org/ til the 24th

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a good dose of counter-propaganda for the 2012 campaign that’s on
right now
for those of you who’ve heard…

this from the book "Dæmonomania" by crowleycrow

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Where?

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a monk friend of mine told me he loved being celibate
he said beforehand
he was Always looking at people sexually
and is now free of that

I’m a pervert
I look at people sexually all the time

here in Atlanta
the men are noticeably bigger than new york
big, tall… Large
that’s my kink
so I’m drooling over everyone
staring at their fleshy thighs
and pudgy fingers

all married guys here
those bands of yellow metal…

so why are they flying alone?

I don’t understand si many things about living
and
of course
I know enough to know I’m confounded and ignorant of key ingredients

of course
I want to be with all these men
want to lay with them naked
(as I did with a friend this morning)
not even to have sex with them
just hear them talk in their odd paterns of speach
see their bodies
the way their fat fingers pull their scrotums, just to get comfy

all the hidden parts revealed
all mysteries laid bare
past conversations of the recession and business meetings
phone calls home to the wife
as the voice drops into a whisper
a murmur
then passion fills it
and they tell me their dreams of what they want the world to be
the wishes they want to live
the dreams they want to be

… then we could have sex
and make some magic

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often
when I’m excited about the efficacy of a trip being able to change me
I don’t sleep the night before

it’s almost always trouble

today the rain has wrecked my plans

the airport it packed with disgruntled travellers

and I’m just taking it in stride

I am feeling the wear now though..,

hopefully I’ll be in the air in an hour
and spending tonight in Atlanta

who knows what adventures are in store…

I got my first IKEA catalogue in the mail today
I can’t imagine ever using it
but it made me feel like I had crossed some sort of threshold

.iP

I want to fill Tom’s shuffle the rest of the way with indie folk country sad ballads

amazed
Elliot smith
Lloyd Cole
stephin Merritt

of course

people who are able to wield emotions so deftly
do they take them seriously?
as they play with them…
play
it’s a game
such heart-wrenching feelings
right?

of course
that is why I should be writing pop songs
to play with emotions

obviously I take emotions too seriously
terrified by them
stifled
not exactly paralyzed
but made insane

but not to numb out to them
to delve into them and wield them
yes?

just playing
making art
just playing

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on the train now
heading back to the city…

will it rain tonight
and block out the full moon?

will I ever be able to change all the stupid wasteful people in the
world?
will I learn to accept them? and myself?
will i, someday, surpass this Karmic cycle and not have to suffer
through it so frequently? ever?