as we started to land in Minneapolis
the pilot fucked up the distance
the plane shook
as it slowed down and neared the ground
then burst forward
taking off again up into the air
— we missed the strip
circling around Minneapolis was crazy
it struck me with a wonder…
flying out of San Francisco…
Flying over Chicago…
there are so many cities
like São Paulo
going on forever in every direction
count up each person
each identical house
how many are there?
why so many?
how much bigger and sprawlier are they gonna get?
when i land in Billings
will it be just as big and unforgiving of nature?
the plane taking me there is smaller
i feel like an old friend when i get on board
i smile
having waited til the line died down
writing on this lap top
scurrying down the hall
here i am on the plane now
two seats on the right, three on the left
i decide not to sit in my assigned seat
to take up an empty row in the back
but taxiing drives me crazy:
i’m right next to the engine
it warbles and moans
and i can’t take that much resonating magnetics and noise
as soon as the plane stabelizes in the air
i flee to the middle of the craft
taking up an empty aisle seat without explination to the poor business man by the window:
i must.
Where’d the next Story Go?
“Miss American Pie”
Mr Glück’s book took another turn
and suddenly he was humble and fumbling
Human as i know him
not trapped in a hole as a child
as both of us were
but are no longer.
this story talked about witnessing it
and having high hopes for it.
Onward.
being up in the sky makes me feel empty
like i’m only composed of dirt when i’m really close to it
and when i’m soaring through the air
i’m just wind
i feel empty
maybe it’s just reading Robert Glück’s book “Denny Smith”
the short tryptich called “Three from Thirteen”
maybe it’s just being that age in that place he grew up (the suburbs in the Valley of southern california) back when he grew up
so empty
the line:
“… I can’t imagine a place for myself in the world, I hope the world imagines it for me.”
i feel angry
and empty
i feel judgemental
talking with Bob a few weeks ago
i felt like i was being sultry
as if i were trying to seduce him
but he didn’t want me for my physical beauty
he’d only want me for my brains
“… Medici wore pearls with amethyst…”
i want my best friend
i thought of Eli as i walked through Jackson Heights today
got a new cell phone
missed Eli
wanted to call him and just be his friend
and on the airplane
i wanted to land in Minneapolis and just talk with an old friend
wanted him to be waiting for me there at the gate
instead
i’m crammed on this plane
when i’ve gotten so used to JetBlue with no 2nd class
this airline does it’s best not to mention the hierarchy over the PA
but the word-play annoys me even more
and i’m looking across the aisle at the poor skinny girl with the clothes that make her look like a robot, studying Forensic Science, a million MtV stickers in her text-book, super-cool spray-paint-logo’d Chuck All-Star(fucker)s
i want to ask her if she feels bad that her life has been decided for her by Television
then started thinking about Robert
and all the bitchy cruel things he’s said to me in the last few years
the few words he’s said to me
so angry at me for leaving him
so angry at him for not being present to me
angry
empty
and being judgemental makes me fart
maybe i don’t really feel this way
maybe i’m just tired
maybe this is how it feels leaving the womb of New York City
my new home
while i’m in the air
nowhere…
sitting in the airport
Yo
i’ll talk about today:
on no, i can’t really do that til i give the whole context
so i’ll just make a small note:
i got to the air port with less than an hour for my departure time
huffing and puffing
feeling good
i got to the gate (9)
sat down
and they announced that the flight would be 2 hours late
sitting here
yeah
answered all the comments i’d not had time to answer the last few days
alright
yeah, waiting
i’ll be landing in NYC at 2:30
YEAH
mercury retrograde
dancing on the 23rd
yeah
it’s been raining here for days
(weeks? months?)
it’s been snowing in NYC that long
(will i be able to land when we fly there?)
today it was sunny for my leaving
good
thanks
yeah
thanks!
and now
it is Snowing in NY
so i’ve got on some layers
did i pack my hat?
got long hair
late night
knock on the door
“there’s music on clinton street all through the evnings”
yeah.
… but everything has been pretty good for a send-off
so far.
i’m off for breakfast
seeing a friend
then he’s driving me to the airport…
i’ll write on the plane
and post upon arrival..
or oppurtunity
even though it’s winter
it never really gets cold here…
in Leo’s apartment, that is
it’s upstairs
the woman who lives down stairs is in her 90’s…
she always has the heat cranked up
— we have to open the doors and windows sometimes
to let the brisk coastal breezes air out the sweltering room:
What is it like down there?
Leo asked me if would Walk Lighter…
i guess i stomp around a lot
a friend once said
“you white folk are always banging your feet in the earth”
he, being half red-indian
let himself feel haughty about his soft-footedness
Leo told me he’d noticed there’d been someone staying with the old lady every day for a few weeks
he figured there must be something wrong
and when he went down to ask one day
the daughter answered the door
“is she ok?” he said
seeing her looking like a pale rasp of herself in the chair in the corner of the room, breathing heavily
the daugher smiled
” oh, yes: she’s fine…”
yesterday
when Leo was home for Lunch
an ambulance came and took her away…
Leo was quite concerned
he went out to talk with the Paramedics
“is she alright?”
“you know, she doesn’t want to be in a care-home… so when she get’s sick we have to take her into the hospital.. she’ll be alright”
but i wonder…
is it going to be cold up here now?
can anyone
ever face death
honestly?
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