my room

y’all’ve heard that thing Da-Vinchi said, right?
he’ws always talkin’bout how he
like
Free’d his sculptures from the blocks of stone…
Well
i’ve created my room in much the same manner.
it’s been a long time since i had a room
and
i mean
a long time.
i left my room in 1997
stayed in other people’s houses all that year
and at the beginning of ’98
i was renting a room in the basement in denver
but
i didn’t really make it MY room
there was nothing in it
it was just where i slept between working
and… whatever else i did in Denver…
in arizona
same thing
the only rooms i had
were other people’s room
and if i had “my own”
it was filled with their stuff
mine was just a visitors.
and i went back to my parent’s house to de-construct and obliterate my room there…
i had a few rooms in ’99
but none of them were really mine
though i rented a room in portland
my room was a storage space
nothing on the walls
no furniture:
i slept on a nicely layed out pile of blankets against the wall
surrounded by haphazad boxes
or i slept outside in the back yard:
sleeping bag in the grass.
an attempted shared apartment with a lover…
but was it mine?
i specifically remember putting up decorations and getting critiqued about them
but i DID get to decorate
…
hmmm
maybe i kinda had a room then
but it was never my own
it was very much Ours
(ah, the nostalgia in that…)
in 2000
borrowed rooms in many places
NYC, africa, arizona, arkansas
eventually the hills of california
where i specifically had a Tree
in a forest
with a pile of blanets layed nicely under a hut of branches
under the tree…
candels and clothing around
perhaps this defined my space
though the darkness could always get in…
and when i got a Room
(after the rain came and washed me all away)
it was shared with my Doppelganger, Zygoat.
2001
was so much travelling
a tent in mongolia
and eventually the Hermitage
and though i got to take it over
and make it My house
i didn’t have a My room
i slept in Leo’s room
(in Leo’s house)
2002
i had my own apartment
a few times
but really
it was just borrowed places
in Amsterdam
Switzerland
Italy
Lyon
even London
but not mine…
2003
i had Vic, my van
and that was my room
my house
my car
but it’s not the same, is it?
now
i have a room
i’ve had it for months this year
this year
officially into its second half
i’ve now taken this room
removing all of its original set-up
and having reconstructed it
from the wreckage of Leo leaving this house
and all my collected STUFF from these travels
beginning to take shape around me
as if i’m freeing my domesticated self from the Ore of my wild life.
to sit here
on the firm bed
cushion against the wall
tea-tray over legs with lap top
candle burning…
Behind me
my buzzing back
Jay is practicing his Didge[ridoo]
Bridget is resting her body in the bathtub
first bath in weeks
they are resting
today i have eaten…
i had vegetables in my miso soup…
i had peaches..
i had sprouted wheat manna bread with dates and cinnamon
covered with raw almond butter
and some sourghoum syrup
and then a nibble at the wonderful granola/trail-mix that Jeff made for me
not very sweet
savory:
ginger/cayanne/cumin
oats, honey, raisins
my room has a floor now
yes,
still a pile of books on the floor
a pile of beautiful stones
some clothes
and a large box (one of two) unfiled herbs…
in a few days
this room will be somewhere for me to come back to.