34.19

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-everyone stinks of coffee sweat-

first time at the office since I got back
and i had no patience for it

civilization and society are important
but a big factor of my identity (for better or worse)
is I cannot please people all the time
I cannot listen
be patient with
be grateful of

I cannot always have an open heart
I cannot always be awake

as much as I’d like to. . .

as much as I’d like to sleep all the time
surf in dreams
as often as they are nightmares
as often as they are tedious and nonsensical
as often as I am omniscient or omnipotent
flying around
saving the day

or used to

sometimes. . .

yeah
wish I woke with the dawn
but
though I have struggled
to love
to be polite
sometimes
I fail
though I struggle
to focus
to write a book
to wake with the sunrise
sometimes
I fail

and I have to be Ok with that
coz it is what is

it’s beautiful anyway
two bears I hadn’t seen in quite a while hugged and kissed me on 23rd street
before I got a matcha bubble tea

I got to pull off some magic for Koos
appear in a puff of smoke he exhaled from his fingers
standing behind him at the movie theater
watched The Avengers
amazed by all the zippers

met up with the jailbird and the lion sage
saw a play
playing
a ritual blessing of balance
silliness and play

look what we can do!

the world is full of options. . .

sometimes
.
.
.

riding home
I squeezed in next to a princess and pulled out my iPad to watch the rest of "Neverland"
she actually said "seriously?" in the mocking bitchy tone I’d only ever heard queens feign

girls are horrible monsters!
". . . only sometimes
they must be
as embarrassing
as me"

the night carried me through it
the beautifully colorful morning clouds are singing me to sleep