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As a Gemini
Anyone I’ve ever partnered with
Has become my Brother
Not in a Louis-sort-of-way
But as the eternal Lover and Companion… Compatriot.
My mirror; reflect what I are, in case you don’t know
I’ve always been faced with someone who looks away
Someone who says what I want to hear, to please me
Like my eternal ” I’ll be there in a half hour ” when there is no way
possible to get there that soon
Well meaning liars
Even to myself
And
Like anynother shadow
I can’t shake my Brother
Who talks all sorts of shit
And never does any of it
But some meager pathetic offering of no importance
It infuriates me
Seems like hell
How do I show up?
I can never partner with a reflection better than myself
The saints told me that years ago
My ego would like to believe they are worse than me
But I know it’s me
I’m humble before it
I don’t want to hurt myself
It’s always seemed impossible to love myself
And I’m tired of being angry at fools who want my love that I deem
unworthy
How do I break through that?
How do I love myself anyway?
Will clearing out the closet of all of these doppelgangers make it any
easier?
Can I do it alone?
Love myself?
Come out of my hermitage
Shiny and new
With a whole gallery full of heart-shit my dealer can sell for fame
and fortune?
Oh
To be fair
The artists I’ve partnered with have always been too interested in
their own agendas to play my game
But I’ve had plenty of sorry fellows with raized lives happy to play
along…
What am I doing in this city?
I don’t know how to be with any of you
I don’t know how to have fun
I suck