the other side of life

At Grand Army Plaza
i realized i was heading the wrong direction
and though there was a part of me that wanted to continue to Sterling Street
i knew he wouldn’t be home
and i didn’t have my keys

what was there for me anyway?

i’d jumped on this train in haste
and had been standing most of the way
drawn towards the center of the train by a very cute bear cub boy
who had that sort of beard that looked like it could brush a floor clean
… his bag was from a ju-jitsu club from Reno
a seat opened up beneath him and i took it
glancing at him as much as i could without him feeling like i was devouring him
his eyes
his mouth
… and i’d passed that gigantic bear cub i know only from facebook on the way to the platform (the schlosserer)
enamoured by the desire to rush home and beautiful bears
i had lost my way.

i got off the 2
and sat on the bench to continue reading “From Dead to Worse”
the 3 came shortly after
and i easily found a seat

the train gathered people as we neared manhattan
a pretty black girl sat next to me
and i glanced up to see her BF standing at the pole
i scootched over to let him sit with her
as the train filled
the spaces to my left became occupied as well
then some guy sat to my right

it felt odd right away
as if all of us didn’t want him to sit there
but why not?
i immediately felt he was a homeless person
but why?
he didn’t smell like piss
his clothes looked clean
black cords
and a huge puffy beige down jacket
with the hood pulled up to obscure his face
i’d only seen he was black
but he was calm and my attention went from him back to my book

as i sat there
tunneling under the river
reading through a world where all of the supernatural beings of myth are found to exist in this reality
i noticed the man to my right twitch
his energy then became like a high tension wire
and he began moving very quickly somewhere in his jacket
… i don’t know what i mean by that
his fingers? his lips? his tongue?
i could feel it and it was overwhelming
i immediately clasped towards my chest for my Belle
but remembered i’d taken it off and stowed it in my pocket the last time i’d got naked
i only pondered a moment why i would instinctively wish to clear the aura with the Bel chime
but i could feel a terrible darkness filling the right side of my body
like there were fishes or insects moving through it
and this man, his fits…
i tried to continue reading
but i was feeling horribly distracted and dark and drained
i propelled myself up and charged down the train car as far away from him as i could without looking back

found an open seat
sat
and pulled out my Bell as quick as i could
before i even put it on
i rang it around the right side of my field of being
closer to me
my ear
then put it around my neck
and tightened it

i felt better
and continued reading
… but a nagging feeling persisted. . .

i glanced up and realized i was already at 72nd street
missed the chance to change
and got off at 96
the 1 was waiting for me

few seats remained
and a jewish man was enthralled with his (holy) book
and had his large duffel bag blocking the floor
i said “excuse me” while nudging his bag over with my foot and claiming the seat

that’s breaking a rule of living in new york, i think
to touch someone else’s property
but reading the book and that terrible darkness i had felt made me feel ruthless
he pulled the bag over in front of his legs and made eye contact with me
i turned full aggression on him
in only a glance
then i turned back to reading. . .

but the feeling was still there
and it occurred to me there was some fucking spirit stuck in my aura
some dead person or demon or something
that poor guy was probably someone too sensitive
who had never learned how to defend or cleanse himself
and just became a life-support system for energy-vampires
… lost to the darkness
i looked up and saw him pass me, to the end of the car, and through the door to the next
we were at 125th street and i breathed the fresh air

i remembered that João de Deus had taught us
many spirits cling to people with light because they want to get out of being stuck in this realm
and even more when a spirit sees a person is coming to visit him
because they know they can be released there
so i sat back
locked my throat (chakra)
and opened a …. road to heaven?
i don’t know how else to call it
but it seemed the easiest thing in the world to do
an infinite white light poured into me from infinitely high… and infinitely close.
my body was cleansed and empowered
and i realized this was where i got all of my power from.
my magic. ~~~whatever.
i began to radiate slightly
and feared for a moment the man would come back if he were near
if he could feel the light
… my fear was instantly absolved
i opened my eyes and looked at the people on the train
one was looking at me
another was smiling and staring at some pretty girl
“the other side of life” was the idea in my head
… what does that look like?
that’s where i get all my energy from
it’s where i have yearned for connection with my whole life
and i have it
i rang the bell
and settled into reading until i got to my station