slump

this is a little catch-up post
my plans involved coming to NYC and getting an apartment
then taking many steps from there
square one has not been covered
i’ve been here nearly a month and a half
and things are not opening up
PLUS, my first two weeks here were incredibly painful and disturbing
— it was mercury retrograde
so i just took it in stride
but now i’m viewing it more as a definitive ” you’re not supposed to be here ”
indeed
living in NYC makes me tired and a bit cranky
but it also makes me grateful for all the people, music and art
all the Happening
all the Life
and i know i could make it work..
i still very much feel i would like to live here
but (grrrrrr)
i have been trying to get grounded now for years
and felt that if i didn’t succeed by the time my saturn return was over
then i would have just missed that opportunity
well, that was the 23rd
and i’m not nested
so i feel like i was dangling on a hook
and have now been sent back to the wind
instead of reeled in
per my plan earlier this year
i was going to give it a month here
then go to Portland Oregon
to spend a month in that city again
and see how i felt there
Would I want to Live there again?
my major trepidation about that right now is from my getting back in touch with an old friend
who appears to be a huge vortex right now
and i worry that if i went there
i might just get sucked into that
(for we are old friends and her current energy is reminiscent of my manic days)
so i would like to spend a year here instead
coz i know i can have better boundaries here
just to hammer out some of my work
Time Frames!
the other direction, of course
is just to pick one of the places i want to live
{Amsterdam, Berlin, Istanbul, Sheffield, somewhere in Spain, Swizerland, or Cusco Peru}
and just GO
live off my savings
and see if i can find a way to make it work
teaching english
or getting some sort of job to survive
or
just go to Thai land like another friend suggested
live on a beach for a few months for a total of $100
and walk around Anchor Wat
all that stuff
settle down
or keep traveling?
settle on some temporary nest
(like tenneessee)
and keep on my way?
Adventure!
i don’t need to be famous anyway
but i would like to get some work done
that i’d like to do
now now now!
i could just do it know, i suppose
if i didn’t feel so worried about what next…
anyway
i’m here in NYC
i’m working at the Floating Pool at the Brooklyn Park Beach
thursday to sunday, 2 to 9pm
stop by
or
come to the gallery my art is at tomorrow night
207 Broome street (at lafayette) suite 7A
for the closing cocktail party
when anything feels definite
i’ll write about it
(click)