i..
am..
Living…
HERE.
all around me is terrifying darkness
shuddering puddles
loud noises
and deafening silence
on the defensive
i have my claws out
my teeth are already bloody…
but i’m sure it’s just from biting myself
When ever i have Lived anywhere
i fall into deep sadness
the big mistake has always been that i have lived with someone
in that “lover” kinda way
someone to blame for all of my feelings
and project all of my shit onto
i was smarter this time.
in fact
when i decided i loved some one last time
and wanted to love them
i chose NOT to live with them…
even though they would have let me.
smarter i am.
Curiosity:
not being able to articulate anything
doesn’t mean you’re dumb, does it?
articulation=
dexterity=
intelligence?
oops!
staying in one place
i cannot run away
from this deep well of sadness
what’s so sad, huh?
oh, just everything
the way i love…
the way i tie my shoes…
the way i treat myself
my fears
the walls…
Existence!
politcs
television
idon’tremember
my friend West once told me
(back in ’99)
that if i stopped running long enough
sat by a river
listened
and drowned in my saddness
i’d realize it wasn’t an endless black pit
but a little puddle
but
ge-golly
it sure is scary from here
i’ve been here just two months now
and a few days.
i turn 27 on wednesday
saturn return starts july 17th
here i am!
SAD!
i’m smart
i’m not taking it out on anyone
even though it is my habit
i don’t believe it
so i’m keeping my shit to myself..
that is
unless
of course
you’re checking your friend’s list at four a.m.
and drift through this drivel…
0 thoughts on “sludging through the second-month slush”
laura_collins
I am sorry you are troubled…
However, your emotion is inspiring. I couldn’t say how. I hope that things are better for you in short order, and that your passion can be a satisfied one.
Namaste.
beastbriskett
Even the brightest of landscapes has darkness sweep across them. You perceive a lot more than the average bear, and feel strongly. It’s only natural that the downers are strong, too.
Head’s up–this won’t last. Try to draw strength from the buzz about you. Running with shields on all the time is a waste of energy. Learn to surf the tides, and try to find a few roots to anchor you. Draw solace and strength from friends who care about you.
There’s a lot of them, ya know.
dennisatl
don’t smell like no drivel on the bottom of MY shoes
more like some 4a.m. joneses done jumped your bones(es)
but good-god-man!
only 26 almost 27? damn!
I didn’t even know enough to be scared by then
you’re way ahead of the pack…
maybe that’s who you think is chasing you?
nah! you’re just the fore runner…
(W/ apologies to Satchel Paige & John the Baptist)
love you madly
uneasytruce
Bless you. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time.
A secret, all the flowers in the forest know: Bloom where you are planted.
clarkelane
oooooo… Saturn return…. good luck with that.
happy birthday!