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i realize now
that when i was young
i believed in a mystical world behind this world
being an actor
everything i saw here was like the stage
and knew that there was more behind it
yes
a crew putting together all the images
studying the lines, the costume
but beyond that
there was a Real World where Real People lived
in among them: the writers… the directors…
i used to look at people and wonder if they knew how to cross that boundry
very rarely do i search for that anymore
reducing my suspicions to thinking of the puppet-masters
rigging up this retarded fear machine at the airport
in the goverment
killing saddam
destroying bagdad
destroying america
selling everything out
how lame is that?
nothing but the real world affected by the real world
a one-dimensional bore
at that party a few nights ago
i wondered why i don’t feel the same way about dress-up that most of the faeries feel
i kinda like it
it’s fun that they make themselves up so…
but i guess i lost interest in impressing people like that
impressing people
or was it just fun?
just self expression and play?
if it is, then it is
i told the story of how i wore makeup daily my last year in high school
…
oh but i’m getting distracted
i saw this guy in the airport an hour ago
he had long straight dark hair
a trimmed beard
wearing all black
kinda tall
big boots
big boots
elusive eyes
i followed him around with mine for a while
somehow
i imagined he knew something
he reminded me of the door
there he was holding a glowing orb in his hand
a crack in the wall creaking open
but maybe he just fancies himself a country singer
goat calls this the L.A. of the south.
people tell me that saturn return helps focus energy onto what can actually happen
and helps release the energy of dreams that will never come true
but i like living looking for the door
and attempting
every twilight i can remember it
to step off the ground and soar into the sky
these aren’t the focus of my life
(though, perhaps affecting the puppet masters, in whatever way, is)
but they give each day, each moment a happy, private drama that keeps things interested
and i’m never bored…
maybe someday i’ll find it
(later thought)
maybe i should just enjoy this version of the world
get along with others
play nice…
0 thoughts on “remember the door”
carytown
maybe i should just enjoy this version of the world
Everytime I wake up, it’s a new version. Or so it seems.
I feel like a different person. At least physically. And I wonder now that the people landscape is shifting so much I wonder how much of my connections were real, were based on me, or merely what was apparent to the eye.
uneasytruce in reply to carytown
Or the connections were intensely real, and necessary, and helped all people involved for their duration. But they are now no longer necessary.
The best things in life are finite. They don’t last. They’re a bubble–special, and momentary.
dominicvine in reply to uneasytruce
is this a way of saying there is only this level of reality?
or saying there are an infinite ways of approach?
both of you addressing my sigh at the end instead of my explosion of the body
i’m trying to hear the answer in this
… this is the only answer i ever hear
because it’s HERE
and it’s real
it’s what we’ve got to work with
… but what about that . . .
it’s like being only concerned with the plants and the houses
when i know that it’s the fundaments
dirt and bedrock
that makes any of that REality possible
i want to know the earth elementals who rule that realm
i guess that’s why i spend so much time around rock ogres…