gay/sickness

I had a thought yesterday
while the beautiful married man told me of being molested by three uncles as a child
raped by a neighbour
thought of how
back then
homosexuality was considered an illness
spiritual, mental, behavioural

sickness
like home sick?
like love sick?

unable to be where and when you are…
unable to survive on the ration reality is supplying

yes
malnourishment leads to sickness
abuse
rape
fetishizing
abstracting
disconnected compulsions
sick
yes.

a long time healing
this county is
these people

lost, starving, sick
unable to live up to the fear and pain
unwilling to face ourselves
know who we are
against a torrent of such fierce denial

mistaking charecters as our true selves
fighting for our lies and excuses

still
we’ve got a light sneeze
aren’t out of the woods yet

I know I’m still fucking hungry
and don’t know what to do

he said he was refreshed talking to someone so bright and clear
articulate

I’d talked about this
even after saying i’d stopped thinking of myself as a healer

then talking myself in circles around it
no way out of who we are
what we’re here for
our destiny
I know

thanks to all of you who are helping as you can

.iP