first day in hawaii

i woke up before the sun rose
went out to piss
struck dumb again
by the dense cushion of sound all around me
the sky was lightening
the leaves were all shaking in the breeze
couldn’t yet bring myself to Be Awake
i went back to bed
and slept in.
when i decided it was time to get out of bed
it was well past 9
according to a little digital clock by the bed
a rocker, with an image that moves as it rocks
— waves washing away foot prints
(the footprints always stay)
when i actually woke up
i was, again, in awe
i couldn’t really believe i was where i was
purple and orange sheets
pink walls
Yurt
it had all been made-up for me:
Ti leaves, in pairs, all over the tables, shelves
i’d even taken some off the bed before i went to sleep last night
now
in day light
i could see all the little flowers along them
some sweet smelling orange ones
some strange greenish/blue
something, looked almost like an orchid…
large vases filled with brightly coloured leaves and flowers…
a little sign next to the bed, printed off the computer
obviously something they’d put in every guest’s room
“Aloha / Dominic / Create a Beautiful Experience! ”
i dismissed it as form at first
but kept turning my eye back to the last line
“Create a Beautiful Experience”
simultaneously taking it as new-age rote
and a very conscious blessing and warning
i walked outside and looked at the trees i was in awe of last night
in the light, of course, they were more astounding
not just the sound now
but the thick layers of green
jots of color off to the side..
i could see, in the road, what was a garden
blending, now, into the “lawn” of the ground.
everything here is so prolific…
i felt i must discover my surroundings
and meet Kelly…
i couldn’t bring myself to put my shoes on
dirty socks were all i had
yet i had been warned, the night before, that they didn’t walk barefoot around here:
it was all sharp lava-rock
(apparently the lava came through here just over 50 years ago..)
— the ground looked pretty lush to me
so i thought i’d chance it
it wasn’t too bad, but i had to walk slow
the path that led from my yurt to their house was a beautiful hallway
i quickly imagined this whole land Our House
and these locations just different rooms
some indoors, some without…
this path, however, had had some lava-rock-gravel strewn over most of it
to keep the growth down?
for better traction?
i don’t know,
but it bit my feet..
i was grateful when a vine covered the way
pushing through some palm fronds
now the path was all roots of trees
now this whole was was probably only 50 meters/yards
but it seemed long this first walk
i got to the house
and looked around
i don’t think i called
i just noticed no one was there
but heard noise up the hill
…. so headed up.
a large cinder-block building
with “R n P Garage” stenciled on it
no one there either
but a road heading up hill
i started up.
the engine shut off behind me
and it was startlingly quiet
but so loud
again and again
the simple country sounds of Crickets was being dwarfed by the huge swaying of the leaves
and chirping and squawking…
birds? frogs? lizards?
what were those?
the road split
and i took the one more directly heading UP
but stopped short by a huge spider’s web across the path
— the spider was nearly the size of a dime
it’s body
had large spikes coming off of it
like a crown
i didn’t imagine it would hurt me
but i don’t like to carelessly destroy spider webs..
i have a reverence for them
AND i imagine it’s a lot of work to build those things
— i only break them when i have a purpose
not just meandering
so i went the other way
and came round a bend to see a very shiny Mercedes
and another Yurt
i head voices
so walked over to see if this were Kelly
(still not certain of what he looked like)
but it wasn’t
it was two guests
a boy and a girl
naked
i introduced myself
— they told me they were packing up
no rush, no rush
i’ll see them around
i walked up another road
but was stopped again by a web
so turned around and headed back down
back at the house
i sent out a whistle
i walked around
looking for a human
— there were three sleeping dogs
i kept whistling
and walked down
… then heard a response
i headed back up quickly towards the house
but shot past where the response was:
from the “office”
out came Kelly
beautiful Aries guy
little belly, little goatee
tattoos placed with balance
and some heavy glinting jewelry on his crotch
Smiling..
we hugged and i got swept up in him
being so overwhelmed with being here
i tried to just watch
as he offered me drinks
fried me bananas
gave me papaya
the guests came down
we shared more
talked about all the things to do here
and where they were going
la la la
in the conversation
i felt my Monster Mind surfacing
that part which criticizes everything
and i try to “keep it to myself”
— just write about it as a way to get it out…
but then i don’t want to write about complaining all the time
what do i do with these thoughts?
i can’t just suppress them
but i guess i can try and ignore them.
they left
and i stared off the deck
down the drive way
past the sleeping dogs
the hawaiian flag on the office
the volley ball field
the trees
trees
trees
down to the ocean
so blue and expansive
it looked like it rose up as high as our hill did
how did that happen?
i’d been talking like mad with Kelly all morning
and now i just needed to lay back
it was nice
i kinda napped on his lap
when i woke
i tried out the machete
and opened up a coconut
(which were piled up beneath the tree… some rotting, some sprouting… some still young and green…)
yeah
i could do this every day..
but off we went to the beach
a nude beach
just about 7 miles away
past Kalani
— a place i’d heard of, but didn’t want to live at
another big commune
i felt good about this farm
perfect
i wanted to feel like i was part of the family here
yet not that i had to do a million emotional processes every day
(doesn’t that sound weird? i know.. i was always exhausted at Heartwood, though.. like i was some sort of Capacitor/Transformer for the other kids there…)
the beach
the beach was pretty amazing
a lava-rock walk-way down the cliffs
waves smashing
foamy white against them
the sand was black
hot
a huge tree
dead many years
stood on it’s roots
a full 6 feet above the sand
how much further down did they go?
the tree went probably another 50 feet up or more
stripped bare..
the beach was filled with all sorts:
chubby men wearing clothes against the high rock wall at the back
sunglasses on
– watching
in the front
were women with children
and tons of hippy kids
over there, further, past them, were a smattering of naked men
mature
obviously the Gay Nook of the beach
(it being less than a 100 yards long…)
Kelly dropped his stuff in the sand next to the women
saying his hellos
and headed down to the water
so i did the same
— i’m always a bit trepidatious around the ocean
i love it
it’s beautiful
but it’s far stronger than the water i grew up with in the midwest
and it always lets me know that
it’s hard for me to feel care-free around her..
but i plunged in
feeling her slap at my ankles
then thighs
then chest
i dove in
following kelly
swimming out
he said the dolphins come in this far
when they come
he said ya had to do three summersaults forwards and backwards
and that’s all yr metabolism needs for the day
salt water rushing through my head
all of my sinuses flushed out
(which is good: i was still a bit mucky from new york)
the sun
the sun
the water
i panic out there
like just being in the water makes it saturate through into my lungs
Kelly was having such a good time
i floated on my back
a rest
a rest
i wasn’t really afraid of sharks
it wasn’t like that
it was just the fear of being swallowed up
so i left him
and swam in
lay in the black sand..
but the women were bitching at eachother about something
and rearing the children
who were complaining
why this?
such unhappiness at the beach!
i got up and walked over to Gay Corner
lay on the sand next to some grey bearded old fella
did some yoga
looked up at an obviously irish guy
grinning out of nervousness
great chest…
and that man with the big mustache
intense eyes
big tattoo across his back
– why does he have his shorts on?
and back across
some old hippy
his hair all in dreads
his beard in dreads
but what’s not
a fully bushy grey thing under his nose
sweet cheeks
blue eyes
one big ball he was trying to hide
people on the beach
i rolled around in the sand a bit
enjoying the feeling
but noticing i was getting crispy already
i walked around a bit
Obviously Irish guy walked over towards me
when i was standing one side of the tall dead tree
he was on the other
so i said hello
he said hello back
we talked a bit
and i asked him if we could go chat in the shade
his name: Richard
he’s from the Boston area
and has lived between here and there for many years
handsome interesting fellow
we talked for a while
and i decided i needed to see what was going on with Kelly
staying in the shade
i walked past Intense Eyes guy
and he said hello
well, hello back to you
— he was sitting next to two other queer guys
one i’d met on the walk down: a Watsu worker (trained at Harbin)
his name was Chris
and one of his first questions was
“are you a straight hippy boy?”
he was delighted to hear the denial of that
everyone i talked to knew Da Banana Boys
i felt
again
that i was in good hands
and that was enough
a few hours
we headed back to the house
only for moments
before we ran into Pahoa, the nearest town
and hippy central
— i’d come here on my last visit with Uncle Markie
i remember the little main street
we drove to a new shopping market
and i bought some spongy clogs to wear around
then to the health-food store
to get a few things:
oh yeah: it’s the 15th. its’ %15 percent off on the 15th..
it’s the Ides of March
it’s Arthur’s birthday
it’s Normand’s birthday too
i thought about connections
Kelly saw a very hot guy that he’d been friends with
named “Cowboy”
from Detroit
small world
small world
look at this place
we headed back to the house
he showed me a place, not too far from us (but up a 1000ft hill)
that gay men went cruising
called “the steam vents”
but so, also, did tourists go there to soak in the natural steam
he said it can be tricky
… and they don’t go there, themselves…
so back at the house
we
again
sat on the couch on the deck
looking out at the view
i massaged him a little
maybe we napped again
until Normand got home
we all sat and talked together
toasted with champagne
and Normand asked for some touch
so i Thought we were going to do a four-hand massage
something simple and light
but Kelly went off
and i launched into a fully neck/shoulders/hips/thighs job
forgot the feet
Pisces
should never forget the feet…
it seemed so late
but we then had a wonderful salad
and more champagne
and eclairs
enough
enough
enough for me
i wandered back the path
in the dark
with the old-skool flashlight they’d given me
(how many years has it been since i’ve used an incandescent bulb with “C”-batteries? it’s all LED now…)
in the dark
in my yurt
the forest so loud
so loud
so loud….