yesterday’s dream became clear to me
while i was talking on the phone with bridget:
i’m really fucking tired
so i can’t do what i need to do
(drive.)
this is upsetting my friends who are along for the journey with me
and trying their patience
but i’m too exhausted to pilot my vehicle
seeking refuge (in realities) with friends i love and respect
is not what i need now
i will still have my needs violated/ignored
and
because i am exhausted
i will respond inappropriately
— this has been happening over and over to increasing degrees.
very rarely do i understand my dreams so clearly
still
this just makes my situation clear
it does not give advice.
Still, knowing is half the battle, eh?
———— i need nourishment! ————–
[all neon-like]
http://www.sexworkersartshow.com/
i was gladdly surprised by this tonight
— very worth the time for anyone who could get a chance to see it
a little about my experience…(photo of me inside)
Leo appologized this morning for snapping at me yesterday
and in my acceptance i said
“i just want to be able to help
— as a general state of being in the world, really
but if i can’t help in my relationships
i just feel retarded”
which twisted everything into focus
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after all this time knowing leo
i’ve finally succeeded in distancing him
he was very angry at me today
and i with him
he even called me a “brat”
either i’m growing up in a good way
and moving away from things that aren’t good for me
or i’m burning bridges and being a total asshole
either way: i’m being true to myself
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Leo and i traveled around europe for a month and a half last year…
i wished i’d photographed all of the places we stayed
so this trip
i’m doing a better job
This picture is from The Curley Redwood Lodge in Crescent City, CA
(the entire place was made in the 50’s out of ONE TREE)
we stayed here Monday night
a few photos from the WestShore in Lincoln City, OR
where we stayed Tuesday night
are also up in my flickr account
which you’ll get to if you click that image
(or the link on the left bar of my journal)
… the few beach photos were taken right outside of our room
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