catching up to now

Well, now that i said something
it reminds me
i’d really like to journal the last few days
but i have this one song on repeat
and don’t want to be sitting here for an hour

IBR was amazingly nice for me
not that i was having sex or being cuddled the ENTIRE time
but i felt like there were friends everywhere…
running into people i’m not usually all that friendly with
and it felt like they were all old friends
it felt like everyone was an old friend
i was giggling a lot
i was smiling
there’s this guy named Todd
he’s made a porn video
and
really
the hottest thing in it for me
is how he smiles when he looks at someone who wants him
he was so great!
and he’s a big guy and everything
and often goes by “Daddy Todd”
but i felt so “kiddish” with him
(laughs)
we cuddled
sat around and talked
instant familiarity
anyway
at that point
i was really tired
the tired has been with me
dogging me
it’s the masturbation
there’s a familiarty there..
i’ll twist back around
the cuddling in bed was good..
there was this guy i met in the Eagle…
the dog farmer, right
i already talked about him
i slept with him the first two days
and then missed him til the last night
it wasn’t about hard core sex, yo
it was about the cuddling
and my friends…
what happened?
while out on the birthday dinner with bigredpaul
i was talking with albadger
and he made some comment
“well everyone who was drooling over you this weekend probably wouldn’t if you cut your hair off”
which really shocked me
i always feel so out of place among the bears…
really?
well
this weekend i didn’t
but i didn’t get the impression everyone was drooling over me
still– i asked a few other people
and they concurred
everyone was drooling over me
(laughs)
not everyone.
and not everyone is as forward , eh?
i’ll divert here:
1)
sunday morning
i’m looking for someone
i see this guy smiling at me
i pass him
i see him again
i’m looking for this guy who looks like Oliver Sacks, right…
urso and i wonder if it’s really him…
he stares at me
but kinda runs from me when i try and approach him
wierd..
this guy is smiling at me
i’m standing next to the elevator
he’s wearing a black shirt
in big letters it says “I’M SHY”
and smaller letters underneath that
i miss it
i ask him if he’s really shy…
he pulls me into the elevator
and takes me to his room
pulls me onto the bed
we rip our clothes off
and fuck for an hour or something…
i’d specifically not been fucking anyone this whole weekend
just playing
cuddling and rolling around
but this guy, OK
he’s really sweet
beautiful furry
big thick dick (oh, that’s what the shirt said : I’M SHY but i have a big dick )
all’s ya gotta do is say the first word
the torrent will carry you away…
i staggered away from that..
(he said i was the pinacle of the weekend for him, the complete package… am i being flattered?)
looking for a friend
right!
dinner with Paul
then Frank Martin took me to the Eagle after midnight
everyone is drunk
some nice boy walks up to me and says “i’m Ron and i saw you in BUTT”
and i’m talking with him
then i talk with this incredibly cute guy, Jeff
who i’d talked with years before
when i was clean shaven at 23: he didn’t recognize me
and this nice guy
southerncrane i think
he’s really nice
and then this other guy walks up
and says
“oh, you’re dominic, i saw you on line, i love your pictures”
and suddenly there’s like seven of them
drunk and forward
all treating me like a fucking star
pushing into me
kissing me
shoving their tongues down my throat
i have to run away
Frank wants to take me to BlowBuddies
but Lucien comes and rescues me
—
back here at the Linden House
that is
The Tiffany Manor
we never sleep.
so that’s where i’ve been
still confused about love and friends
and haven’t found an apartment yet
losing the steam
wrapt up
i just wanna be in my cacoon
but i should be getting out and running around the city..
i don’t want a should
i just want stuff flowing and going.
well, here we are
i’ll put it all behind a cut coz everyone’s been asking me to do that when i meet them in person
apparently i am the friend’s-list monster