as a friend

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I was only dismissing it because you made a choice and then self-pitied
I don’t encourage such behaviour
you could have just come and said hi
you needed no performance
I appreciate the muffins
but all I wanted was you
and beyond that
I wanted to offer you something
you could have come
tired anyway
you didn’t have to
you never comitted
you could have just said "not today, another time"
but to make drama and sadness is not something I want to participate in
nor encourage you to do in the future
it’s a choice
choose what you want

when I hear people say "I want this" I say "how? let’s make it happen"
and we try
I quickly lose my patience with people talking about wanting something
then avoiding and distracting so as not to make it happen
I do that all the time to myself
and I hate it
it wastes my life
I don’t want anymore of that
if I ever had a friend
I would not let him get away with it
and I would count him as a friend if he helped me likewise

I know we forget completely
I don’t fault you for it
nor am I saying you’ve no right to do it

I’m just saying
you didn’t lose no fuckin balloon
it’s right here, Dorothy
come’ere come’ere, cutie
we want you to play in the sunshine with us

"
come as you are
as you were
as I want you to be
as a friend
as a trend
as an old enemy
take your time
hurry up
choice is yours
don’t be late
"

.iP