another moment of yoga

so i woke a little early this morning…
the last month in Vermont re-instilled in me
the importance of Meditation
Yoga is a form of that
but i’ve also been doing two sets of 20 minute sitting practice as well
immensely beneficial
So…
i’ve been in NY a week today
and
of course
haven’t been keeping it up (when i need it most)
i spent last night with my Injun Daddy
and we always work our ju ju
i woke with a start around 7
a swirling mass in my head
i sat up and started meditating:
too many desires, diffused focus
moving too fast
remembering nothing, feeling nothing
too fast
so
Slow Down.
after that
i got on my knees
and started some asanas
Injun Daddy lay on the bed (smoking cigarettes) watching me
being witnessed makes a field of presence
makes everything more clear
i felt the blocks, the stickiness (the new york heat, the stickiness)
and moved into them
and through them
Yoga
i said
is a ways of trying to make sense with the world
to notice
“being a human isn’t helping me be at peace. i want to be one with the world. maybe if i’m a tree i can be one with the world (tree pose), maybe if i’m a mountain i can be one with the world (mountain pose), maybe if i’m a camel i can be one with the world (camel pose) maybe if i’m dead i can be one with the world (corpse pose)”
and so we try
we fit into these shapes
and feel them
like
i said
when i was a child and had no emotional understanding
i would watch the expressions on peoples faces (the laughing, the anger… the tear falling)
and i would wear it on my face
put it in my voice
to try it out
to be accepted
to see what it’s like
it was
a way
to learn
but yoga
it also, as, perhaps, i’ve forgotten
a way to make love to myself
(different than just operating my body with my joystick like a video game)
using my body to make love with god, make love with everything in existance, make love with those witnessing
just from fully being
so i
bent over my extended foot
relaxed
and heat spread through my shoulders
up into my face
and the stuffiness (new york summer heat) and pain
the stuckness
melted
poured down
and out
while i talked about dogs
and camels
and trees
i felt my body be at ease
yo yo yo
blowing in the breeze
now i’ll go for a walk through central park
good morning, first full day of summer.