along the streatch of the L.I.E.

i went out to East Hampton with a friend
a guy i talked with just a month ago
met up with
and had a good connection with.
a Lawyer
an Italian
quite a daddy
good heart
but i feel he’s protecting himself (from me?)
and though he’s really hot
he’s never had a long term relationship more than a few years
and though that’s not something i’ve even accomplished
i feel like someone in their 60’s should have
(for some reason)
if not a husband
at least
“well, there is this guy i’ve been friends with for 20 years… we have lots of sex and do lots together… we just haven’t ever done the living-together-married-thing”
i mean
i don’t know if i’ll ever have a husband
but i want consitant lovers
so i’ve taken him as one
— i wonder if he knows that?
driving over 70 on the L.I.E. out to the south fork
swirving around cars
he’d yell at them
— i’d massage his forearm
(the lyrics in the song i’m hearing right now — MarketFresh by Broken Social Scene — say over and over ” i could have mattered if you let me ” )
we got to his little cabin among the millions of dollars houses
i felt like i needed to help bring the breath in
we opened the windows and doors
moth balls running around the walls
i found the tools
and scrapped out the leaves piled in the corners of the outside of the house
deck
water leaks
floor shakes
doors falling apart
“i’ve been waiting for another guy to come along to motivate me to fix this all up”
with such a co-dependant attitude, how could he not jump from relationship to relationship?
i realize i am in new territory
Men do not function out here like they do in California
not like in Europe
not like in my generation
or even 20 years before this one
i’m learning
i’m listening
what’s the deal?
he smokes pot all the time
and no, he’s not a Leo, he’s a Taurus
and i end up in the same position i’ve talked about with my other Important Taurus i just left
but i did smoke some pot
and i gave myself the mental intention of “let’s make this a transmission”
meaning, i wanted the sexual energy to really imbue me
marijuana magic
laying on top of him
i started melting into him
sliding into him
and with his cock down my throat
i kept sucking it deeper
breathing less air
and more just raw energy comming from that wand..
when he came
it was like breathing
and it washed through my whole body
— went on for about ten minutes
i don’t know
i felt in a place of power
arranged the energy from below and above
nourished he and i
balanced
enriched
yeah
then gave him mine
through his chest
back into me
simple
some people i feel like i could cuddle forever and ever
and shouldn’t all sex just be a precurser to spending 7 hours in bed
naked
touching eachother at a billion little points
words flowing through ears and lips
dreaming in and out…
everyone in this city has to get up
and go.
i walked barefoot in the sand
got a chill…
there was an awkwardness the whole time
would be off-putting if it weren’t for the accompanying familiarity
alright.
so it goes.
the drive home left me exhausted
though i was still very much in service mode
(i’ve been exploring this lately, talk about it other back-logues of the last week or two)
so lay my head in his lap while he was stuck in the night traffic
i made some phone calls
i wanted to lay in bed and watch movies with a friend
but didn’t reach him
so i got home
exhausted
but stayed up til four anyway
— sucked off some guy on the roof
found him on criagslist
interesting fellow
hot italian
— everything is the potential for a friendship
do we have the time and energy?