all the thoughts that came up as the evening wore on

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it’s so common that men say
“be a man”

which means
supress your emotions

being
LIVING
emotional
makes them
“weak”

the waves of water rushing through everyone
when it gets too intense
when the body opens up to the waves
they shudder
water pours down the face

to be present with the surrounding waters
keep the body attuned to it
through the process of clearing our sevles
to be able to
be present with the whole

yes
that’s weak
to not be a rock
separate and complete
alone
to be a man
something entirely different than being human.

—-
similar to everyone in our society
i want things that are impossible in this world
— to fly while awake, to walk the ley lines…
communicate with the world with my full body

similar to the corporates and the politiks
who want to rape and pillage forever and ever
amen

so
i continue in my wants
but
blowing their petty reality away

but really
we’re making the same mistake

—
i deem things “pretentious”
“ingenuine”

far too often

but look!
they are!
they come from the mind!
some idea!
not from the heart!
not from the body!
not from the actuality of life!
but some divorced IDEA

that’s enough for most people.

———

i ask too much

i said that a few weeks ago
i KNOW i ask too much of people
and yet i refuse to stop asking too much

asking them things they CANNOT do
be in integrity
stop re-creating their miserable stories

and i ask them, DEMAND of them
in ways they cannot understand
in ways that are useless to them

and myself

so
of course
i get that back

demands in another language
expectations way beyond the reality of the situation

foolish heart
so hungry and so blind.