43.1 – the boy who stole my laptop

43.1 the boy who stole my laptop
 

 My brother told me years ago about a friend of his who keeps his tech new by buying last year’s tech every few years, selling what he’s got, never paying full price, but always staying current. like paying a fee to upgrade regularly. . . 
 

 so i bought this laptop 
 last year‘s model of the one i’ve been using since 2018 (which i had bought as a last year’s model. . . after using, for eight years, a friend’s broken laptop i had rehabbed)
 it was a good upgrade. still under apple-care warranty, and the same price i paid for the one i previously bought. 
 

 i was happy to buy it
 sad to discover it had a european spanish keyboard 
 but i figured some way to re-map the keys so it was basically what i’m familiar with 
 

 to complete the program i just had to sell my 2017 laptop
 no problem
 i was going to use Facebook Marketplace
 and try OfferUp
 and, last resort, i would use eBay
 … i checked and there were the same models selling for $800-900
 i wanted a thousand
 i’d see if i could get it
 

 i quickly found two things:
 everyone wants a deal
 so i raised the price to $1100
 so i could give people a discount and still get what i wanted
 and. . . almost everyone contacting me was a scammer
 

 i had watched some youtube videos about tech-nerds and geniuses hunting down the scammers who call and email and text us spam
 so i did some research and quickly came to understand what these scams were trying to do with me selling my laptop
 

 i thought i’d be able to sell it direct cash trade in NYC 
 but i got about 50 scam replies
 which took me a while to sort through
 and made me suspicious of everyone else writing me
 

 mostly they were writing from profiles of old white people
 but their english was bad
 so
 those who had initiated direct facebook messages instead of going through market place
 i would occasionally hit the video call button to see if they would pick up
 

 a few did
 though i only saw faces twice
 some would cover their camera and hang up quickly 
 two black guys sitting at a table in a tropical poverty-style bungalow
 looking surprised and laughing and commenting on how cool my beard was 
 

 i’m not sure where in the world they were
 but i knew i was a rich man compared to them and felt bad about the whole situation
 but wasn’t interested in being scammed
 

 it’s hard for me to fall for scams 
 so i didn’t sell the laptop in NYC 
 i took it back to indiana with me
 and tried there
 

 mostly more of the same
 but more humans 
 though they mostly were trying to convince me to sell it for $500 
 which i had no intention of doing 
 

 one guy started the thread with “I’ll take it”
 and we chatted a bit
 

 it all seemed pretty straight forward 
 his profile said he was a teenager and showed a football player running
 how could this be a scam?
 the address he gave me was a public park
 only 10 minutes from the house 
 the only thing i could imagine would be that he would have a group of people jump me and steal my laptop
 but i’m not that paranoid
 so i didn’t let the thought linger
 

 we set date and time and i drove over to meet him the next day
 

 he was a young guy
 weedy, thin… frail looking, i would say
 he reminded me of me when i was a teenager
 uncomfortable in my own body
 but he was probably 16 or so
 and i was like that when i was 11
 still
 i remember wearing a wrist brace my last year of living in indiana
 and he had one on
 i felt an affinity with him
 and spent about an hour talking with him about how a Mac works
 as he had only ever really worked with a PC
 he asked a lot of questions
 and i was happy to answer them
 but eventually he started acting strangely
 and shifty
 and said he hadn’t brought the money with him
 he needed to walk back to his house to get it
 

 i assumed i wouldn’t see him again
 

 he walked across the field
 through a breaker of trees
 to the subdivision over there
 and was gone a few minutes
 but reappeared
 

 and after all that
 he said he felt terrible
 but just didn’t feel like he could afford it
 he asked how much i wanted 
 “$1100, right?”
 and though that was the price i had it listed at
 it was struck through
 i had lowered it to $900 
 and guess he hadn’t noticed that
 i said he could pay me $1100 if he could afford it
 but i would accept less
 still
 he “hemmed and hawed” as they say
 and decided he just couldn’t bring himself to pay it 
 

 what could i do?
 i said Ok…
 he walked off
 i got back in the car and drove home
 …
 i looked through the houses
 i got an idea of where he went
 

 people in Indiana are paranoid
 at least that’s what i think about them
 scared of everything…
 

 whatever
 

 that felt bad
 

 over the next few days
 i had a few people say they wanted to buy it
 only to say
 the next day
 that they decided not to
 

 and then more low-ball offers
 

 i had a friend visit for a few days 
 so had other things to think of
 but shortly after my friend left
 this kid wrote me again
 and decided he wanted the laptop
 “for real this time”
 and no other offer had materialized
 and it was a short drive
 so i agreed to meet him the next day
 same place
 same time as before
 

 but i was working in the garden that afternoon
 and totally forgot about our meeting
 when i came back in i saw a message from him asking him if i would be meeting him
 and i responded that i was sorry i had missed our meeting
 but would be happy to drive over now
 as it is so close
 

 he said he might be able to sneak out and grab it
  after his parents went to sleep
 or at least went upstairs
 …
 

 ok
 so he was buying this without them knowing
 i guess
 that’s more to be worried about 
 right?
 i just told him to let me know if he wanted me to come out tonight or tomorrow
 and went about my evening
 

 i later got a message from him saying around 11:15 would be good
 

 so when 11 came around
 i packed up and got in the car and sent him a message telling him i was on my way
 

 we met in the dark 
 in this unlit park
 empty sports fields
 weedy little kid and me
 after i shaved my beard off
 … he didn’t comment on noticing the difference
 again, though, he asked tons of questions
 and i was happy to answer them
 but after about 45 minutes 
 midnight
 i said “ok, now’s the time, you’ve got buy it… you said you would… you can ask me any questions you want through the net… or google them, but it’s getting on … “
 and he started acting shifty again
 breathing quickly
 like an asthmatic
 and he started pacing
 he said “oh man, i don’t want to do this to you again.. oh man, i’m sorry, i can’t do this to you again… i feel… ok, give me a minute, i just have to walk a moment”
 and he walked off into the darkness
 of course
 right
 so i wouldn’t see him again
 but he came back
 and stood next to me
 i was sitting on some risers looking out over the soccer field
 he stood there 
 shuffled his feet
 and grabbed the computer and dashed
 saying “sorry man”
 

 my mind had no thoughts
 i just leapt to my feet and gave chase
 

 now
 i was wearing my sandals
 not looped around my ankles
 so they fell off after the first few steps
 

 i kept running
 

 and i’m not much of a runner
 i was always winded easily when i was younger
 in these running sports
 though i had to play all of them
 and a few months ago
 i hurt my left ankle badly
 and could hardly walk for a month
 it took two months before i no longer felt the pain
 and that was only a month behind me now
 and being here in indiana 
 something had happened to my right ankle in 2019
 often hurting
 so i’ve been thinking of my ankles as Weak in recent years
 but not tonight
 no thinking
 i was just running
 

 i did notice the sensation of the pavement under my feet
 and noticed i did not step on anything sharp
 and i noticed the sensation of running
 the clear drive of purpose
 … i wasn’t gonna let that kid get away with $1000
 some weedy suburban kid
 it just wasn’t going to happen
 i could feel the muscles in my legs and back
 could feel the heat and strength driving me through the night
 could see his body
 quite a ways away
 he had got a good head start on me
 he ran out of the parking lot
 along the sidewalk
 and i was gaining on him very quickly 
 i wasn’t shouting at him
 he knew i was there
 and as the sidewalk was coming to an end
 (because sidewalks in suburban no-wheres go nowhere) 
 he squealed and yelped
 and said “oh, i’m sorry man, i’m sorry i’m sorry, here’s your laptop”
 and gently set it down in the grass by the side of the pavement
 where i stopped
 and did not even follow his trajectory with my eyes
 i just picked up the laptop and turned around and walked back to the car
 feeling the warmth of the blacktop under my bare feet
 feeling my heart and breath pumping in my body
 this feeling of Life
 

 what a gift
 to know
 even in my weakness
 injured
 recovered
 and because of it 
 15 pounds heavier than i’ve ever been
 i could run down a teenager
 a nerd, yes
 but at 42… nearly 43… this body could run him down
 i’ve done an ok job taking care of this body
 even when it feels like it’s sliding…
 

 what a gift
 

 yet the adrenalin also drove me to swiftly pick up my sandals 
 get in the car
 roll up the windows
 lock the doors
 and drive out of there as quickly as i could
 and even before i got to the first intersection
 i went to our messenger conversation and left it
 then blocked him there and at facebook
 

 i didn’t want to hear anything he had to say after that
 

 … when i told friends about this experience
 they all said they would have left the laptop and caught him and left some bruises or broken his nose or ribs or something
 

 but i know that kid
 i know what an insecure mess he is
 how tortured he is
 in himself
 i didn’t need to hurt him 
 he hurt himself enough
 showing himself that he was a thief 
 and a bad one at that 
 that’s enough
 

 i wouldn’t want to live knowing that i hurt him
 having to hurt him
 using my strength to hurt someone weaker than i
 chasing him down was conquest enough for me
 and the actuality of the experience was punishment enough for him
 

 is this maturity?
 this is all what it’s like to Age
 consciousness folding and flowing through time
 creases and shapes…