Oh no!
he’s an early riser!
he starts rubbing me all over
and i’m groggy
i hate being woken from sleep
i try and be as non-responsive as i can
but he’s persistent
still
not annoying…
he’s coaxing..
so yes
it eventually turns to morning sex
… though i generally don’t like morning sex
and then he’s got to be off
family
somewhere
breakfast on saturday, i guess
he leaves before the sun is even fully risen!
i go back to sleep.
he returns and lets me sleep a while
i was dreaming about him, actually
maybe
strange
in a smaller bed
laying
in the dark
heard noises
it became a rape fantasy (which i’ve never been interested in)
how i wanted him to come in and wake me and brutally fuck me (which is not what he did this morning)
in the dream
i look and see darkness
i close my eyes and listen
i look again
and now the bed is surrounded by a black sheet, like a curtain
outside the sheet
i hear him
but it’s not him
it’s a younger (40/50’s) man
muscular and dirty, like a new york street tough who’s matured
he’s naked
the colours are dark blue
he’s holding a very large syringe
and is filling it with fluid from a bottle
i know he will inject me with this to make me immobile while he rapes me
i’m terrified
but yearning for it
to be completely submissive and overpowered
(in the dream i am excited by this and surprised: as i would never think i would want nor enjoy this in my waking personality)
but when i open my eyes again
it’s Antonio
smiling down at me
he kisses me
and says he’ll leave me to sleep
but i am awake now.
i get up
fuss about a bit
we talk about the nude beach
PRIORITY:
i want to lay naked in the sun and jump in the ocean.
FULL STOP.
so he writes down the name of the beach he goes to
says it’s about 8kms away
and he usually drives
but so doesn’t know how i’ll get there
maybe there’s a bus?
says i should go look
stand on the busy street and ask a bus driver
this sounds so unattractive to me.
he leaves again to visit his family up in the mountains for the next 5 hours
so i get on the computer and open up the two bear sites
my emails
and start looking through people i know
who would want to go to the beach with me?
i have a number for Javier
but i want to answer my messages first…
an hour and a half later
i’ve answered my messages
i’ve chatted up a bunch of guys
but no one has offered me a ride to the beach
and the morning is rapidly waning.
if i don’t get to the beach soon
i won’t be able to be there long
coz i’ll burn
i’m a very very pale boy right now.
everyone says the best beach is by Fuengrilo
which is over an hour away
all the gay guys aren’t in Malaga
they’re in other places around it
ok.
grrrr
there are people who want to have sex with me
but not go to the beach
i’m getting pissed off
yes
he’s hot
but i want to go to the beach
no craigslist for Malaga.
i’m using the Babelfish translator a lot because many of these men don’t speak english
and they surpass my spanish
grrrr
so i call Javier
he says he can’t talk now and will call me back in a half hour.
ok.
so i keep mining.
sex?
chasers in madrid want me.
chasers in Paris.
what a lucky boy i am
nice chubby boy in Iowa
yeah
and michigan
GODDAMNIT
Javier calls back
aver struggling through finding the address of where the fuck i am
i tell him
and he says he’s very close
‘ so when can you be here? ‘
“half hour”
half hour? very close?
grrrrr
says he won’t got to the beach that Antonio likes coz it’s just a cruising beach
he says
says he doesn’t go to the beach because he is allergic to the sun
he’s a cute big bear
but this is annoying
i just want to go to the fucking beach
he says he’ll take me to a beach somewhere we can walk and talk.
i keep chatting
some guy says he’ll have sex with me in his office here in Malaga.
Oh.
he says
after the sex
he’ll take me to the Guadalmar
the beach Antonio recommends.
alright… but now i’ve set up this thing with Javier..
who calls
says
come down
so
alright
i close the windows i have open
which requires a little work
because i’m in mid process…
jump up
grab my bag
stuff it with what i think i’ll need
rush out the door
lock it
and take the elevator down
no Javier in sight..
i cross the street to the restaurant…
not there either.
i try and call him
did he leave?
did i make him wait too long?
he’s not answering
it’s going to a strange message
the phone ring sounds like an electronic music artist is fucking with it
tweaking it up into circus music
what the fuck is going on?
this happens a few times
so i try and message him
i walk around the block…
no where.
i guess he got pissed off i made him wait
it was less than 10 minutes… it was probably over 5, though
but not much
but
come on
he kept me waiting well over an hour
what the fuck?
gone.
no response.
fucking Fine.
i go back upstairs
get back on the computer
and see if i can find that guy i was talking with earlier who said he wanted to have sex in his office down town
he’s there
he says he can meet me in a half hour there
we can fuck
then he’ll take me to the beach
Cool.
but he’s still fucking chatting with me
i tell him
if i don’t leave now
i’ll be late
but he’s still Chatting
just give me the
oK
i take off
drain my lap top battery
and plug it in
and head out again
marching down the street
the street that i don’t know any of the names of
i don’t have a map yet
but i looked it up on line
it looks easy enough to figure out:
i’m supposed to meet him at the Plaza de la Merced
on the way
i notice my phone is nearly depleted of money
so i stop into a tobacco shop and have them throw €20 on it
takes a minute
great
head into the old city
and i’m pissed at myself that i have to rush
i wanted to have a leisurely day
but i’m rushing now
having to pass by everything too quickly
new city
new amusements
new beauties
sorry
too busy to notice right now
where is the Plaza de la Merced?
i’m fucking late
and i forgot to bring his number with me..
my phone rings:
it’s Antonio
he must be home already
early
damn
but everything is late…
i don’t answer
i’m almost there…
i get there.
i get there 15 minutes late
i walk around
my head turning in the wind
i see no bear
nice plaza, though
i can certainly see that this could be a cruising pavilion
i circle it slowly
looking….
Antonio calls again
so i answer it this time
tell him i’ve been walking around
at the plaza now
does he want to go to the beach?
he says he will take me to the beach
does he want to pick me up in his car?
no
walk back to the house
ok…
and as i say Ok
i see Santiago
the guy i’m supposed to be meeting
he’s just walking up to the fence
he smiles at me
i tell Antonio i will be back as soon as i can
and hang up
Hello, Santiago
i explain to him what just transpired
but let’s go to your office anyway
very cute face
he speaks very little english
he said he speaks none
glad he speaks some..
he works at a gay out-reach place, i guess
it’s just around the block
up one flight
he opens the door
locks it behind us
it’s a conference type room
posters for sexual diseases all over the walls
pamphlets
SIDA
yeah…
i start sucking his dick
it’s the nipples
it’s all the big fluffy coarse body furr
it’s the double mars pendant he’s wearing around his neck
it’s the rainbow stripes
it’s the sweat on our bodies
and it’s about time
he walks across the room
and starts digging through a box
his shoes still on
his pants a figure eight around his ankles
he pulls out a little cardboard box
ye-big
— outreach condoms
opens it with his teeth
put i pull it from his hands
and do the sexiness of putting it on him
sucking him for a while
[it doesn’t taste bad; i get it wet]
often
when i’m masturbating
i do it standing up
legs spread slightly
my dream-lover fucking me from behind, standing up
Robert did that to me
once
i remember
did that really happen? (robert only ever fucked me once)
who was that?
it was so good
i remember it as robert
i can see us in the bedroom right now
did that happen?
oh no: that was me fucking him
i loved fucking him standing up
when did i get fucked standing up?
i don’t know
but i love it
maybe i’ve seen it in the movies…
i was imagining it earlier today
and now it’s happening
just like that
the condom conforming to his foreskin
he’s pretty happy
he’s biting my back
i love that too
he’s flipping out
i can feel his energy exploding
and his breath..
he holds himself inside me
i can feel him resonating with me
he’s…
no
he pulls out
and i turn around and lick him
pull it off
and put him in my mouth
he’s going nuts
he just buries him self down my throat
and goes
pours down
i pull from the stars
from the dirt
i cum too
and he’s blinking
smiling
laughing
we hug
waddle to the bathroom
with his pants around his ankles
washes up a bit
and i do too
his cologne…
what else is in my beard?
he gives me a stack of free condoms
Thanks
a neck-strap for my mobile phone
Thanks
a pen? no thanks: got one.
he says he’ll give me a ride back to Antonio’s house
and i know the way
it’s simple
what’s the road called?
ing something abra… mmm
i dunno
but it’s not problem
except we can’t go back the way i came
the one-ways of the streets
we… get lost
and drive around for a while
i call Antonio and half-explain the situation
give the phone to Santiago
and they sort it out.
he drops me off in front of the house
he’s… gleaming
we try and discuss when we could meet again
i don’t know my future…
talk with ya later
go upstairs
and Antonio’s got a knowing gleam in his eyes
he kisses me
and asks me what i’ve been doing
necking a bit
hmmm
let’s go to the beach right now
oh
ok ok
one minute
i go to use the toilet
lay down a second
then yes
we go
get in his car
and drive to the beach…
Guadelmar.
arabic word: Guad is water..
has this always been Europe?
what IS Europe?
i’m not enthralled by the beach
here i was
imagining it as one of those wonderful clean beaches
that backs up to a forest
so you can lay on the sand among a bunch of naked sweaty beautiful men
jump in the water
walk around to dry off
catch an eye
and go for a stroll in the forest…
but the cruising forest is very far from the beach
across the parking area
down the road a bit
then further over..
and the beach has lots of trash on it
broken glass
buries wooden boxes with rusty nails sticking out everywhere
what the fuck?
and it’s not entirely gay
it’s all mixed.
s’ok.
we lay down our blankets
and i lay down in the sun.
i feel like it’s been years since i lay naked in the sun
oh my god
my body opens like a flowers
the sun’s fingers come down and press into my skin
he caresses me
then kneads into my muscles
he unties the knots
he lifts
soothes
folds
re-arranges
he kisses me
i open in his hands
making love to me
i pass out into the dream of his love.
over an hour
i had my little Siesta
Antonio calls me back to him…
he points out a hot furry husky daddy in a chair not far from us
said he was talking with him while i was sleeping
that guy wants to suck my dick
yeah?
have a three way?
no
don’t like three ways
don’t have sex often these days…
if you were here back when i was 60
i would have been fucking you all day..
when is your birthday?
June 16th.
oh
hello gemini
(grin)
we get into a conversation about words
i ask him how to say something
and he comes up with a few words for it
ok
so what are the differences
well
bird used to be said like this
but it’s pretty much always said like this these days
here
we say Papa for Potato
up in Madrid
they’d say Patata
how do you say “wind”?
vento.. well, really airé … but no one says that anymore
it’s pretty much just Vento now..
he’s 74… he’s seen a lot change
he says Spain has changed so much
so much in my days…
he says we can go for a paseo
what’s that?
how do you say?
to … walk?
oh
how to do you say To Walk?
oh, Andar.
Andar?
what is a Paseo?
well, the verb is Pasar
a paseo is .. not to do anything
just to walk
not to go anywhere
we do that here…
do you do that in america?
do have a word for that?
sure… Stroll.. i guess
but people don’t do that very often
i do..
i walk to go no where often
just to walk around
but i don’t know many people who do it
they’ve always gotta have a reason
walk the dog
go to the station
to get milk
whatever
i don’t know if people stroll in america
do people stroll?
he asks me about words
so i tell him about Awesome
how everyone says it about everything
and it’s one of those words that can be beautiful
when you’re really completely over taken
when you feel complete awe
and you use that word to describe something with it
it feels … indescribable (of course)
but people use it to talk about popcorn and cars and dumb songs
so many words that are bastardized…
where’s your papa gone?
he’s my papa now
he’s my papa frits
something to nibble on
i lift up into shoulder stand,
fall into plow
bridge
dog
Yoga in the sun
huuuuuuuu
he’s enrapt
but says
“we’ll leave when you’re done with that”
we drive back home
it’s not far
and he parks his car underground
but in another building a few blocks away..
this is where i used to live
he tells me
now i rent it out
but i still have my parking space
the place i live now
that is my lover’s house
i like living there
it reminds me of him..
how long were you together?
nearly 40 years.
wow
how old was he?
89.
Wow.
he was a wonderful man
very kind
and
the best sex
yes?
hmmmm
walking up from the garage
i go to kiss him
he stops me
: there are cameras here
so what?
i the elevator
not even there
why?
you are just a vistor: i live here
you’ll go
i’m still here.
ok ok..
as on the beach
he wouldn’t let me kiss him or touch him
he has a modesty that precedes me.
back at the house
we jump on eachother pretty much as soon as we get back in
hot skin against eachother
rolling around in the bed
he’s little
so i can just wrap my whole body around him
frottage
i love that
all sweaty
the heat of the sun
and the heat of us
i cum
and…
pass out again.
– Siesta –
when i wake up
he’s got to have dinner with the family around 8 every night
til around 9 or so…
ok.
but he wants to make me dinner
he’s such a love
he has these raisins soaking in ouzo or some other anisette
he makes me something kinda like Pico de Gallo
but he calls it something else
it’s tomatos that he blanches
so we peel the skin off
i’ve never done that before
canned corn
tuna
fresh olives
olive oil
raw onions
salt
it’s fucking excellent
he leaves me to eat that
and goes off to eat with his family.
i think i will write
then decide
instead
to try and hook up my computer to his TV
which i can’t make work properly
i don’t have the right component
so i just watch it on my computer
the episode of south park that pissed of Issac Hayes
Trapped in the Closet
he comes home shortly before it ends
and wants to watch football
i sit with him a while
cuddling and talking
then let him watch football
while i go in the spare room to watch the rest of the episode
and write a bit
but decide to go sit with him again instead of write
and he’s bored with the game
so we turn off the TV
and decide to walk into town
it’s not too late, after all
and it’s a beautiful night
he takes me to the main shopping street
to an old ice cream shop
been there nearly a hundred years
packed with people
not THAT great, though
i order chocolate and lemon
to test how good the place is
and it’s not so..
but i instantly regret not trying the flavors that i don’t know..
what was i thinking?
sure, i love chocolate and lemon
yes
but there are many flavours that i have no idea what they are..
Antonio gives me a bite of his
Turron? or Trufon? what was it? some almond ice cream
much better than mine
still
nice to walk around
we go to Plaza de la Merced
and sit at a cafe and have a drink
enjoying the people
the beautiful night
we walk back home
and arrive around midnight!
which is past his bed time
so we go to bed
cuddling and playing
to a frenzy
and this time HE cums
in my mouth
i play with him a long time after this
and he’s writhing
he’s totally shot
we fit together nicely
and sleep..