there is something precious in night driving
i’d forgotten
we got on the road at 5
it took a while
longer than i’d even imagined
the drive started in daylight, though
mugwort at the wheel
i couldn’t keep my eyes open
i was exhausted
leaving the land
last night was hard
yeah, i slept alone
but that wasn’t the problem
the deal was
i gave NDGo a massage
mostly energy work
and the whole evening seemed settled: ready for sleep
(at 11)
i’d made a nice dinner for myself
i was fed and fine and had done my work
satisfyed…
but i walked back to the barn to… get my water?
no…
something, i don’t remember
and it was full of people
and dinner was happening
Damn
pasta with beef
and then it was hours before i slept again
i walked out to the fire when i was done with barnly things
there was all sorts of talking
there was drumming
i just wanted a warm up
but in moments i was dancing with Cobb
i was doing a circle dance with him
the energy was great
and i was naked so quickly
and then jumped on top of a huge log in the fire
and just walked over the whole pit balanced on it
i only had to fear for the fate of my leg hairs!
and the only hard part
was not breathing over the middle
where it was a vacuum…
the day was filled with lots of talk
that streatched into this now around the fire
about how these neo-pagan kids are abusing the energy
doing stupid rituals
evoking things they don’t understand
well, Duh…
they called up a girl i know
and then there was all this talk about how she had possessed this boy
and there was all this fear conjured
not just that
but another boy i know
and his multiple personalities
i got all terrified feeling
there was so much fear being passed around
and then, in their neo-pagan-new-age-whatever
they would then refuse to talk about anything anymore
least give it more energy and proliferate it
so all conversations were left cut short
unless you were there in the beginning in an intergral role
which has its merit
but the rest of the conversation was fluff
we want real life!
anyway
i left the fire feeling scared
it pissed me off
i sat in the tent and had to meditate quite a while to dispell the fear
but going into my own light to dispell that darkness…
<
it was beautiful
and i found such power there
i slept very well
and then the day
today..
bouncing back and forth…
wild strawberries
pointed out by the woman that took in my
(ugh)
Ex-boyfriend from portland
after he lost all his weight and his beard and was a meth-head and dealer
.. he didn't tell me that part of the story
and it made me so sad
but then, i knew not to put too much stock in him…
i love all the people in my life, though…
the sun was intermitant today
and i did my work in preparing to leave
posting ads on Craigslist for massage
as well as answering a few
and going through most of my emails and doing the same
saying good bye
seeing my sleeping friend and whispering in his ear
"i love you, good bye"
understanding some finishing touches
hearing
"well, we think you're beautiful and sexy AND we can have interesting conversations with you— you're leaving too soon"
yes
but i think it's time to come home
"pull in my string, like a kite that's flown too high"
i took the wheel as we were leaving ashland
and it didn't take too long
before i was just flying
centring my energy as i used to do on my long drives
doing root-chakra yoga work
and qi-gung with my crystal balls
then just with my open hands
getting really High
listening to african music… from tanzania…
listening to the 3rd and 4th piano concertos by Beethoven
then Bjork's Family Tree
i flew through the night
watching the moon rise and greet me and cast moon-bows…
preceeding that was the sunset and the gloaming comming on as i approached and passed Shasta:
a snow man imp sprite jumping down the rocky face
persuing another Kokopelli
everything flew by
and it didn't seem long at all
we had decided to switch drivers when we were close to the city
Mugwort knew his way: i didn't
a rest-stop in Vallejo
i pissed for about three minutes–
built-up yerba mate
and all that energy work
my piss was frothy…
as i washed my hands
a beautiful black man came in
we smiled at eachother
and the vibration swam between us
there was a great connections
and his smell was intoxicating
but i told him i wanted to be naked in a bed with him
so got his number and told him i'd see him later
the view was beautiful
hill-top, that is
everything looks better from far away
or at least ugly things do
at night
in the dark
when they are lit up
like stars that got drunk and crashed to the floor
forgetting their origins
and making do with dancing like that
so stationary
but i'm here now
there'll be some music trading tomorrow
and there'll be some sleeping now
for the week will open up
work and friends and more learning about love
then home again
before then?
i encourage you to ask questions