dd198 2012-07-16 M -morning dream

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( photo of my wall: the lower cliff from the Green Sands Beach cove from the southern point of Hawaii, the upper portion the new flag from Dan Deacon’s America, which arrived yesterday. apparently it’s a picture of Lake Placid from upstate? it does look a bit like a D. . . I’m pleased by the juxtaposition)

I was very touched by this dream
and pretty happy with how I could recall it
it’s not been this clear in a while

I am also grateful for waking up this early!
the birds singing outside my window
coupled with the hum of machinery
and the woosh of cars going by on the hill

my half month away from here really makes me appreciate this place
my photos
plants
and the strange landscape up here

i’m grateful to live here

but. . . onto the dream
should you care to read it

dd198 2012-07-16 M

dream
just as I was getting up
from reading the near-ending of that month’s journal
I heard a rustling and looked into the edge of the light
the edge of the forest
– a gigantic grizzly was lumbering out of the woods
his fur shimmered in the security light
he was big
but still early summer thin
and his horns still had a furry cover on them..

horns?

i’d never seen a bear with horns before
this bear was at least 9 feet tall to his head
the horns were easily another two or more feet
and covered in a similar shaggy black furr as his body

he didn’t give sign that he noticed me
he was just sniffing around the perimeter
I was very near the house
so I didn’t feel much in danger
just Awe
awareness that this huge thing lived near the house
and could wander over at any time
it was humbling
and a bit frightening
though exciting
and I had to fight the impulse to stand and watch
or even go to it. . .

all of this was in an instant
out of my right field of view something emerged out of the dark coming towards me with great strides

it was Grandfather
he told me not to worry
the bear hadn’t noticed me
but I should be going in

what was he doing out in the darkness?

the bear heard out conversation and ran back into the house

I was excited
went into the house and saw Grandmother at the sink
she stepped back so I could wash my hands
I made a prayer as I did so
as this was her kitchen
where all the beautiful food came from
this was her sink
where we washed the vegetables. . .
a feeling of reverence. . .

I asked if she saw the bear
she answered monosyllabically but in atone that implied she did not want me mentioning it to my brother and sister

they had mentioned this earlier. . .
as a reason to why I shouldn’t sleep outside in the yard at night
I had no idea they could be that big
what would it do if it got its paws on me?

I woke then
at 7:30!

before all this . . .

I’d been traveling
where we’re we?
Ireland?
scotland?
Minnesota?
staying at this huge old house
relatives, sure
not dissimilar feeling to where last night’s play was
but that was commercial
this was more residential

however
it still had a TV studio and live theater in it

another woman was staying there who had been a part of the band. . .
not the Tindersticks. . . ( Beautiful South?)
but something like that
but i was surprised she was doing performances on her own
because i’d thought she was mostly a back up singer
she was touring with her partner, a man
but she was on her own now
perhaps he was the song writer?
perhaps she was?
I was surprised she was using the whole band’s name. . .
I’d seen "them" a few years ago in the city and these two people weren’t even in the performance (though i know they’d been on recordings)

she was sleeping in a bed with a canopy
but also wooden shutters
and on the outside
we’re a whole bunch of chicken puppets
obviously made, not live
stylized
but even without her hand
I saw them moving of their own accord
so life like
I impulsively asked my mother if they needed feeding

they made no noise
but they looked like they were clucking around
as if they were eating bugs
out of the cracks of the old wide beams of the floor

though I had seen this woman perform
and would have enjoyed to do so again
I walked into another recording studio to watch what was going on in there

it was The Jimmy Fallon show
or Andy?
or. . .

she whispered in my ear
that he’d been on the air since the fifties
when he came home from the war
he tried just blending into society
but he was so entertaining they gave him his own talk show
and he’d been doing it all these years. . .
used to be every night
now he was down to just once a week. . .
but still had his whole staff employed!
that must be difficult for all of them
to be so old
and still doing this show
but only once. . .
maybe they were grateful

he still looked as if young
but his era was apparent
high and tight hair style
big black suit
(nothing like the Jimmy Fallon I know in this reality)

at the desk near me
a woman with very girlish ways (though I’m sure she was at least 60) was smiling and reading some nightly news
all tongue-in-cheek reporting
I glanced back at him while he made an animated response
when I looked back
the woman had tucked herself under the desk
and a man had taken her place
going on in the same manner she had

it was an old trick
to live-switch like that
without editing or pause

kinda amazing

but I don’t watch shows like that

I suppose it was shortly after that
I went outside to take some fresh air
I really wanted to sleep in the back yard to enjoy the stars
the fresh night air
but this bright security light was kinda spoiling the dark
it was enough light to read my book by
I sat in day lounge chairs
reading all that had gone on that month
written in a sparse rolling style
as if and event could have happened in one long day instead of the whole month
it’s fading from me now. . .
but I appreciated my writing style
as this was a proof of a journal I had written and published
and I was remembering some man I was talking about
when I heard a loud sound at the edge of the darkness and stood up to see what it was:
a huge bear
it’s fur black and oily
reflecting much of the light from the house
it’s huge hairy horns above its huge hairy body
it was just as attractive as it was terrifying
i took a few steps backwards towards the house
. . . it wouldn’t rush at me, would it?
I could get inside if it did
though it was only about 70 feet away from me

just then
the Grandfather came out of the darkness to my right in strong, long strides
his presence was reassuring
and we went into the house together
where he suggested I was my hands for dinner. . .

(8:10)