why do we do these things?

i used to do this
but can i now?
even before going to sleep…

guy in cap:
he talked about worshiping the cock and kept spouting words like “pissy jock” and “man smells” as if they were somehow landmarks. – i burbled over with him.
then tony:
just to sit next to and talk, pet, massage. italian married guy. “best to keep things that happen here in here, i don’t take contact info from people anymore” — he had a mild fever.
saw marty:
who lost 100lbs or something. but is very happy with himself. poignance: a Bear is a Type. removing his “type” he became a guy… another type appeared, perhaps one that was always there but was not just more prominent.
i think i’m forgetting someone…
but then there was Spike:
who i already wrote about, and he had a guy in the room with him who was only cursorily there.
after that, some guy touched me, but didn’t want to be touched, spoken to, or paid attention to.
then a very fat guy with a bad hairpiece beckoned me into his room:
i went in for probably three minutes. rubbed him while he mouthed me.
then the japanese banker:
i walked into his room: he had been sitting there working his dick for an hour or more. fat little guy. i closed the door behind me and watched him a bit. i decided to suck it. no words. he let me and i did for a long time. half hour? more? he didn’t cum. really amazing connection. i kept thinking “is this what having sex with a Japanese man is like? a Japanese Banker? wow…” his legs pressing along my body as i lay on my belly, rubbing him. — he really didn’t like my hair, though. told me i should style it.
then Erik:
a beautiful cute visitor from Sweden. i entered the room, closed the door. sat just like him with my back against the wall, working myself. watching eachother. i placed the sole of my foot against his. then massaged down my leg, up his. and sucked his cock in a gentle connecting way til he came. we hugged. talked a bit. hugged. a sweet connection.
then i saw Michael:
i’ve only ever seen him here. he’s very big and very furry and very jewish and very lovely.
we kissed and cuddled and played and i came with him
then showered: met the VA guy in the shower
went to the sauna:
met larry in there:
who’d i’d met at Bruin Buddies years ago — he now lives in Rome… he came back to visit to Vote. (kinda) went to his room to play with him. the most amazing big balls Ever. (though i still dream of BAZ’s…) exchanged contact info.
and ran into the guy from virginia
so took him back to my room and massaged him a bit
did yoga bending cock-sucking with him. neither of us came but i thought he was REALLY HOT.
went back to the shower. then sauna.
saw some guy who reminded me of ZG in his tension, un-common attractiveness and…
i took him to my room. he did have a dick like i imagined, though not as great as ZG’s. but it was fun to play with him.. he was so tense/nervous that it wasn’t really so fun. neither of us came.
i think this is when i went into my room to rest?
some guy walks in, not entirely hot, starts sucking my dick. i rub against his with the bottom of my foot. he cums after a while. we’re both surprised. he was born in Amsterdam. uncut. calls himself “Bil” here, but that’s not what he was born as.
then the old guy came in.
very old looking. but with dark hair. dyed? he was touching me. then this other kinda annoying guy pushed in. i’d played with him before, months ago… jewish i think, pushy bottom., scared the old guy off. he was so excited to touch me, i sucked his dick a second and he came “you’re too hot!” he said. left. the old guy came back and said “i’m so close” stuck his dick in my mouth and came.
i lay down to rest.
turned on my belly: first time in my life trying this: get a room, lay on belly with door open
in a minute some black guy walks in… he talks constantly and asks if i’m OK with black guys. i tell him i’m ok with anycolor if i want to have sex with them.. he says he wants to look into my eyes when he sperms me… while talking about making love and i am just really not feeling it with him and he literally pushes his way in. i tell him NO and he grabs lube and starts slathering it on my ass so i stand up and say “you who cannot hear me say NO will now hear me say NO and you will Go. Now.” and he did.
i went to the bathroom and took a shit. shower. was polite to a cute bearish guy from seattle. said “we must always be gracious to the cute” – told him to move my towel onto one hook: shower room was full.
i went back to the sauna to do my ending yoga set.
this is when i talked with/kissed the french boy. right?
then sat up on the top shelf
some old guy got in and looked at me like he was angry
i did bridge and plow and that binding thing on both sides, decided i should go
i looked at him and nodded
he said “thank you”

i guess i can.
i remembered them all and could recount it in sordid detail

do i really need to be doing this?

something so wonderful about all the flesh
but i know from past experience
i will feel sore and burnt out in the morning

i’m drinking lime-water and doing Iyengar tomorrow. we’ll see.

also took a great shower with my new plant i picked up off the street (fuck, mites, hope i killed them all. will it survive?) and the new black-seed soap i bought from the indian grocery soap: Made in Brooklyn, baby.

i should be sleeping.