30.4

on my fourth birthday my uncle Rick (also my GodFather) gave me a set of keys
he was a locksmith
and i think it was just a ring of all sorts of duplicates he had made for various jobs that he no longer needed
they were on a huge ring bigger than my hand
maybe 30 keys
maybe a million
i don’t know
but there was ONE that was cut in green metal
and i knew that THAT one was the one to take me home
that is
i knew that when i was done with this life
i could use that key to open the door and go back to the world i was from
(?!?)
that was late spring, of course
and it wasn’t many months more before it was mid summer
the heat
and the awkwardness…

i’d decided i’d had enough of this world
and was ready to go

i walked into the middle room
which was no longer my brother’s and my room
it had been turned into the guest room
and we’d moved back into the corner room with my year-old sister

i struggled against the bed to move it away from the wall a bit
and stared into the wallpaper
seeing the white dashes move over the dark blue
then looked down into those strange and magical key-holes around our house
that made the lights shine and the appliances flicker
i pulled out the green key and stuck it in the socket
.
.
.
and flew across the room in a blue arc

i cannot describe my confusion and disappointment
when i opened my eyes and found myself laying on my back with my mother and brother looking down at me
“What Have You Done?”

for perhaps about 20 years after that i was disgruntled for having to be here when i had chose to leave.