little trouble girl

bridget and i sang the song to eachother last week
miraculously remembering it all
i wanted to wash the clothes i’d been wearing for days and days
and it’s so hot..
i put on these old mickey-mouse shorts i found up at the house in vermont
— i thought it’d be fine for walking around the building doing laundry
but there was no detergent in the house
i became very anxious when i thought about walking out dressed like this
it seemed overtly sexual in a way i didn’t feel comfortable:
like a little girl or something
i don’t know
i feel fine being naked
but something about wearing clothes that expose so much makes me feel sexually provocative in an actively seductive way
still
i’ve worn pants in this city that show off my belly, short shirt
pubic hair sticking out
black girls yelling at me across the street
“look at that sexy man!”
but i’m not on the lower east side right now
i’m in Murray Hill ( or whatever the hell it’s called by 2nd ave and 20th street )
whatever
i walked out the door
and indeed
got lots of stares and head turns
i get that all the time, really
but for THIS?!
it just felt weird.
by the time i was in the store
i felt like a teen-age punk girl
saying “i don’t give a fuck what you think”
to the owners of the grocery
but it was all in my head
and i bought the detergent and some icecream
and licked it up all the way home