the in-between days

the next few days persisted in the exhaustion
i slept more than i’ve ever slept in my life
night after night of 12 hours
14 hours
what’s going on?
i didn’t feel sick
but my digestion was still weak
something had happened a few days before i left NYC that really fucked up my bowels…
the Boys had left a book on Noni in my yurt
so went out and weeded around one
and a perfect fruit was dropped for me
so i started eating it
do you know this fruit?
it’s a Miracle health fruit
but it also smells like rotten cheese
eating it fresh (when the whole white fruit has turned translucent and soft)
is nearly like eating pop-rocks
i mean
it sparkles in the mouth
feels warm, but not spicy
very strange
traditionally
it’s fermented in the sun
til it makes a red brew…
i just took a few bites
chewing on the seeds
shivers down my spine
within a few days
my bowels were fine
i was still sleepy
on monday
a friend of theirs came to stay the night
a kid 9 years older than me
a gemini
great conversations
but everyone here is more of a stoner than i can handle
so on monday
i gave in
and, though i didn’t smoke any, i ate Tons
all of tuesday i was a total waste
indeed
Dave, the boy, said to me
“so.. what do you do here? you just … hang around? aren’t you supposed to be working?”
and i felt like a terrible hippy waster
but couldn’t bring myself to do any work
lethargy…
i’ve been weeding the garden in front of my yurt
a million little plants growing in the lava rocks
i put my flourite balls out there to get cleansed
and started weeding around them
… decided to commit myself to the whole project
but that’s not enough
i’ve sharpened some blades
went into the banana fields with Normand again
cleaned up the trees (cutting off the dying leaves; cutting off the strangling vines)
harvesting some bananas for the market
(every sunday morning… i missed it last weekend coz i slept in)
huge holes appear here
where the lava caves in
maybe it was an air pocket
or a tree was there, turned to ash
maybe it was a lava tube
i don’t know
but they go down the length of a man or more
poof.
i wished we would have gone swimming after that
but we didn’t
we’ve not gone swimming as much as i imagined we might…
however
we went swimming the day before
when we picked up that david boy
before all the cloudiness..
the surf was so strong
and i jumped in
and had to get back out
i talked with Chris
i talked with some guy named Chuck
a crazy
someone who’d lived on the island for 20 years
a soft sweet man
who talked like my old friend Charlie
i was naked
i wanted to be horny
i thought he was hot
but i wasn’t, for some reason
maybe he was innocent
normand was balancing rocks on end
how beautiful
some girl climbed the tall dead tree and made love to it
straddling it
gripping it with her thighs
there she was
around the base of it
six feet in the air
undulating against it
i broke open a coconut
i smashed it against rocks
til its husk got all soft
i ripped it off
and it’s mouth was open
it had the perfect face!
little O mouth
and eyes
with eyebrows!
amazing
i kissed it
and drank its fetid juice
i went swimming
the waves were so high
they smashed me
i swam out
and got caught in the current
it pulled me out
i swam and swam in
and it just kept pulling me out
i started panicking
i started breathing
i kept swimming
and ran from that fucking bitch
she scares me.
i love her.
… i’m so tired.
the last few nights i’ve been staying up later
watching movies
or playing on my computer
so i’m waking up later
(still sleeping a lot)
and i’m feeling like that’s putting me off schedule with the boys
i really want to make this work
but i feel i’m still transitioning
Equinox went by without a notice
— we went to see the film “300”
which was a terrible piece of propaganda for the war against Iran
— every character talked like he was a monster
hardly anyone ever spoke: it was all shouting
the bad guy was, of course, gay
ungh
nicely lit, though.
which brings me around to Monster Mind
i’ve let it slip out a few times
criticizing things
my little off-comments
i feel like it’s pushed kelly away already
and i’m pissed at myself for doing it
psychic pollution
how do i clean this shit out?
keeping secrets
truth will out
sweep out my heart
sweep out my heart
ungh…
i’m very tired
and the last few days have been filled with rain
i’ve got some projects
i’ve got to do
i’m glad i’ve written, though
it’s been a while
it’s friday now
and hopefully i’ll be posting this tomorrow
i got faith!
i got faith!
it’ll be alright!
it’ll be alright!
(some one’s gotta be my cheerleader)