in a conversation with my Direktor friend from London
i’ve been writing about my attraction to bears
he’s a bear, but he cannot see the beauty in fat men at all
— he likes muscle boys
so sent me a picture of a bear he found attractive
my response
… it’s called a
“muscle bear”
(laughs)[as he also finds it funny how i have labels for pretty much everything]
and that’s Jack Radcliff…
well, that’s his porn name.
but the thing i like about bears (excepting you)
is that they just are who they are
they don’t work, struggle, to keep some muscular image
which is my trouble with “gay” men in general
(and this i true of 90% of society, actually)
– they work really hard to be something they Think they Should be
instead of accepting what they are
now
it is true
you can accept what you are
and work on bettering yourself
but most “pretty” people just live in a state of insecurity about being accepted by others all the time
… as much as they can’t accept themselves for being who they are
hell
i have the same problem!
maybe less than others
maybe not.
i know Jack here has that problem fucking big time
as do most of the queens in SF (where he lives)
but the “bears” that i like
it’s that quality that you branded them with that was a major turn off for you
‘they’re sexless”
which, obviously wasn’t true
coz they loved feeding me their cocks
but they don’t Try to look like anything they’re not
-[then, yesterday, i thought more about it and wrote this]
Yeah
but there’s also this thing i have about BODY
the thing that’s great about the Fat Belly
is how much it makes the Body unavoidable
i love looking at fat guys on the street!
so many thin people now a days wear baggy clothes
they just look like sacks of cloth with heads sticking out of them moving around
i really love nudity
and “bears” often can’t get clothes baggy enough to hide their distended stomachs
it’s a testament to their sensuality
perhaps, also, to their laziness
but
in a way
that is counter culture (just as much as it’s a symptom of it)
it’s a way of loudly saying “No, i won’t try and be ‘Healthy’ all the time”
almost a shout of “i don’t care about living forever”
as many terrified members of our society could never admit to
(with their face lifts and botox and lipo suction and…)
many fat men wear clothes that actually Show Off their belly bulge
i can see the round divot of their navel
they’re not naked
but i can see their FLESH!
(laughs)
i saw a beautiful muscle boy walk by on the street today as i thought of this aspect of the conversation with you
and though he wore a sleeveless vest
it still did not show his belly, his chest
yes
a lot of this thought has come after
because i don’t know why i’m really attracted
there are so many “REASONS”
but the fact is
it’s my turn on
it’s my kink
so i have to work with it, eh?
i guess that’s what the gay PRIDE shit is all about
— it’s what we are anyway
so we may as well love it
and sometimes glorify it
and sometimes celebrate it
though i don’t need everyone else to as well.