i didn’t sleep much.
i should be napping now.
maybe i’ll nap in a park in Seville?
i got to sleep around two
was woken by Luis around 5
slept with him til about 7
not well at that
restarted my computer
which took forever and another restart because of the updates
prepared it for the trip
packed
showered
and headed off to the train station
no trouble
now that i know the way…
Metro to the Puerta de la Atocha
however
there were no seats left in Tourist class
which i found surprising
but it is the first sunday of Holy Week..
ok
i had to get a first class seat
€23
back on track
got to the train
and
of course
had one of those window seats between windows.
getting on the train i noticed a fat man in a floral print shirt
tight khakis
smoking a cigarette
he looked a bit like Dr Phil ( i think it is… Oprah’s friend )
he’s in my car
nice, mr fat man: we’re traveling together
and when the train was moving
i changed seats to one with a better window view
it happened to be facing the fat man
and his wife
they’re from California
i hear them talking in their loud american speech
voicing their opinions about things
i’ve seen it often with men towards women
and in gay relationships when they decide to emulate traditional hetero relationships
but i rarely see this in real hetero relationships towards men
especially such a big brawny guy as this
i guess it’s what they call “pussy whipped”
she’s got him totally diminished
he likes to say stuff
but the context of her conversation always puts him in the wrong
in the ignorance
as the fool
and he doesn’t try to defend himself
it’s not that she’s really all that much smarter
her spanish isn’t impeccable
but she makes a show of making him feel dumb for not knowing how to say things right
and he goes on a tangent about the fucking liberals
which is interesting to listen to
as i’m not often around people who have these conversations
(all the men in my family are really into this conversation… but i’m not often around them)
interesting to listen to without any emotional attatchment
and it becomes instantly apparent
that these “political” conversations
are just their ways of having emotional arguments
he’s attacking his friends across the table for being liberals
and telling them not to be offended
while he’s blaming “them” for his discomfort
and in-ability to use his own will power
meanwhile
he’s also blaming the goverment
so i guess he’s a traditional conservative
instead of a Neo-Con?
people are so fucking crazy
but i want to go sit with them
and grin in their face
and tell the wife i want to fuck her husband
she’d get a kick out of that
i could side with their friends and team up on the guy
and when the wife pulled the card backwards
when he’s talking about american healthcare
the prison system
and drug addiction
abut his own smoking
i could point out his sloth and compulsive eating was caused by the same thing that makes people stick needles in their arms repeatedly
they just deal with it different.
instead
i eat breakfast
and laugh at the conversation
and watch the countyside roll by
two girls across the aisle from me
do not eat their yogurt
i’m thinking about asking them if i can have it
it’s apparent they’re not interested
so
walking back from washing my hands
i notice they are gone
and grab the yogurt so as not to let it go to waste
but the mother is watching
and she’s really angry
and grabs it back from me
saying nothing more but “excuse me, sir”
ooops.
being out of integrity hurts
i should have just asked
now what?
i can feel her seething
and i feel in the wrong
so i can settle into the feeling
and appologize
(not verbally)
it dissapates.
i write about it.
this phases out the californians too.
———————————————
the rest of the ride is quiet
i listen to music
stare out the window
write about the past.
we arrive in Sevilla
andi let everyone else get off
then head into the station
the lockers
are up the ramp
down the hall
down the elevator
i try the big one: too big
the littler one: too small
but the middle is Just Right!
i walk out of there
and head to the toilets downstairs
completely empty
take a piss
go up to the front of the station to see if i can find a tourist office
no no no
but talk with someone at the travel centre
and she tries to explain to me where it is
off to the right
so as i´m heading out to the door
i see another men´s toilets up here
so just pop into see…
there are two, i guess
the one on the left is empty
the one on the right, however
has three men standing at the urinals
who all turn to look at me as i walk in
oh, yeah, this is the place.
i walk in slowly
sizing them up
the one in the middle is nice
short stocky little guy
big fingers, from what i can see
grey hair, cardigan
the other two are tall and thin
so i stand there
waiting for a time…
it´s that dance
i´m going walk out to look for that schedule again
then walk back in
the place is empty now except for that guy i liked
and some guy who followed me in who liked my look
but i´m not into him
so i stand next to the guy i like
he looks at me
smiles
little gnome face
beckons me back to the corner
ok
back there he grabs my cock and holds on to it
but stops when that guy who´s hunting me walks back in trying for me again
pulling with his head
but i try and let him know: no.
eventually he leaves
and the little guy like lets me hold him
nice and thick and stout
uncut
eventually
he let´s me take him into a stall
he´s got a beautiful furry belly
nice little daddy
he sucks me a little
but mainly just wants me to suck him
so i do
holding his large balls in my hand
rubbing his belly
he likes this
and
though we don´t rush it
he´s nervous
so he cums
very quiet
i have to still him to keep him from just rushing off
i give him his time..
but we end up walking out of the train station together
all in spanish
as we walk to his car
he tells me he´s married, yes, an atorney
and would i like a ride into town?
well, thanks
i tell him i will probably have to wait for a transfer on wednesday when i come through
so he takes my number
and i give him my web page (and a private picture link)
and my email so we can be in touch.
then he drives me near the heart of Seville… but it´s closed off for the processions
he points where i need to go
then gives me a peck on the cheek…
Off into Seville
once again
everything on this street leading is
is underconstruction
i´m glad Spain is using all this tourist money for upkeep…
turning onto the square
i stop and get a map from the tourist booth
then walk to where everyone is walking..
two americans taking pictures of eachother
in that tourist way
where one stands there and tries to look happy
that weird fake smile
“look at me: i am happy in Seville!”
those things freak me out..
and the one with the camera doesn´t know how to use it
in their thick southern accents
they are trying to direct eachother
meanwhile
i watch a short stocky gnomy carriage driver pull up with his horse and unload his tourists
he´s sweet
i take some pictures
and of the cathedral
then walk up
i´m surprised to see the main street
it´s filled with metal barriers
not like the risers in Malaga
just on the ground
but lining the street for a long distance
two blocks or so
there are men setting up wooden folding chairs inside the closed off areas…
and
here is the cathedral..
and here there are also many of those women
like the ones i saw in Granada
forcing the rosemary into people´s hands
i´d like to ask them what that´s about
but i´m sure they´d not give me an answer…
i walk around the cordoned off area
trying to find a way in
follow a nice looking male couple with long beards
prim and proper beards…
into a side chapel, i guess
mass of some sort is happening
there is a large pile of olive branches
people are collecting them
and taking them into a courtyard
some ritual i don´t understand
i wish i had someone here with me that could explain this..
i grab an olive branch
and head out
follow the herd around
and enter into the main cathedral
because a mass is happening up front
we can only hang out in the dark in the back
it´s tall
and under restoration
ummm
nice and cool…
i walk out of there
and around the side of the cathedral
checking it out from other angles…
i´m tired.
it´s hot.
i´m hungry.
mom…
um…
i walk up and around
singing to myself the Song of Lorca
“death in Seville”
i walk into a courtyard
little canals linking orange trees
all in blossom
cool shade
perfumed air
nice
where do i go from here?
i hold onto a tree for a while
then walk back out front
aimless blameless
almost nameless
i wander the streets
find myself at the water
watch the water
watch the tower of gold
look at the bull ring
imagine gored matadores
read the tourist map
the jewish quarter, eh?
the park..
look at that big park
i´ll go there
i walk to the park
stuck in a herd of people
turn into the cool green shade
and off the main dirt path into the trees..
oh
this is a gay cruising park
look at all the trash
all the condoms and tissues
boys, clean up after yourself
out through there
i find a tiled bench
lie down and rest for a while
fifteen minutes maybe
til the beat of the drum calls me
there is a pounding
a heavy thumping
where what what?
i get up
and move towards it:
at the top of the park
in front of the Plaza de España
crowds of people
and the procession..
a long line of guys in white costumes..
look, mom, it´s the Klu Klux Klan!
weird.
they´re holding on their hoods…
to help them breathe?
what IS this?
i´m snapping pictures
i´m trying to understand..
some are tiny boys
some are older fat men
all ages
this must be a really imporant family tradition
there are hundreds of men marching..
all men? i think so..
looks like
i see no breast in this procession
except on Mother Mary! oh! China White! Mary!
yeah
this is so strange
what the hell is this about?
some are barefoot
some are in their socks
all white..
most are wearing black shoes, though…
strange strange
there are a troup of big muscely ones
yeah
tanks
the bears
the big sweaty beefy guys
what are they doing?
they all have thick canvas pants on
and back-support belts
and strange head-dresses
after staring at them a while
i realize it´s pad their heads:
these are the guys carrying the floats..
thrity men or so crowded under the skirts of these floats
heaving them through the cities
weird… Why?
i have had enough of watching them right now, though
i go to the plaza and look at the fountains and buildings..
what was this built for?
how did all this come into being?
why does the sun shine?
i walk down the street
fuck
i am so hungry
i have been hungry for days
since Leo left i haven´t eaten enough
haven´t drank enough beer..
i need an anchor
my love… where ever you are… who ever you are…
tie me to earth
or i’ll forget.
coming to an intersection
still covered in trees
i see two wagons selling hamburgers
..well, i´ve not had a spanish hamburger
so i buy one.. and a beer
€5
cool
i see this american kid with longish hair
more of a traditional jesus look than i
he says hello
so i walk over to him and chat a bit
he´s talking to a papi…
a mexicano
they´re from LA, yo.
dude.
alright
they´re both complaining about how nothing works in spain
and everyone is ripping them off:
they´re here for school.
so i ask them what the fuck this is all about
they say the KKK got the costumes from a book or something
had no idea, or at least, no connection to the Spanish processions
they just thought it would be a great way to hide their identies while they kept america Pure.
the spanish wear them for similar reasons the jews wear yamakas while praying
to seperate themselves from god…
but the spanish wear the whole outfit so they have no identidy
the carrying of the floats is about the carrying of the cross
and indeed
i can see
after the floats
there is a whole bunch of the little wizard guys carrying crosses
it´s much less interesting now to put it into that simple allegory..
the pointed hoods?
we´re not sure what that´s about…
maybe it´s to get them closer to god? channel the energy?
he doesn´t know about that…
he´s not religeous..
of course not: he grew up in california…
does he know about the rosemary ladies?
oh, they´re gypsies
he says
bottom of the barrel
give the rest of the gypsies a bad name
gypsies like to keep to them selves
very family oriented
yeah
these ladies are out to tell fortunes and trick people out of money and stuff
yeah, and life force, i´m sure
yeah
we´re talking about LA now
and the mexicano is trying to let me know it´s the best place on the planet
yeah, it´s a terrible city, suburb in all directions
but where else can you snow board, surf and dirt bike all in the same day?
yeah…
we went to Granada, they tell me
it was terrible
we couldn´t find a place to sleep
eventually got 5 hours rest in a cold room on mattresses drug up from a basement
up in the mountains
there was no way we could sleep outside
it was freezing
but we got to snowboard
it was cool
cool, they went up to the Sierra Nevada…
Yeah, he says
spain has just started protecting it´s landmarks and stuff
you know, up until the late 70s
if you went to Alahambra
you´d find a bunch of gypsies living there
living in all the rooms
lighting fires
just hanging out
all these old places were like that
it was only then that they realized all of this stuff was worth something
history
you know..
did Gentrification start in the 80´s?
who knows..
they need to meet a friend
and fighting the exorbinate prices of 1euro for a beer
they´re heading back to campus
so i walk back into town
put on my headphones now
feeling like i´m back in the flow
i decide to put on the KIDS soundtrack
daddy never understood
but Nothing´s gonna stop the flow
you know
nothing´s gonna stop the flow
nothing´s gonna stop the flow
nothing´s gonna stop the flow
nothing´s gonna stop the flow
nothing´s gonna stop the flow
yeah
i´m dancing
i play it again
and again and again
then just let the album play out
i walk back into town
stop at an internet place
and try and message the bears i know i sevilla
see if they want to walk around with me
give them my number
and then head into the heart of things
but it´s too fucking crazy
i walk up into the quieter streets of the old jewish quarter
get some ice cream
smell the orange blossoms
chill in the shade…
imagine what it was like when Lorca lived here
when anyone lived here
and this was all there was
no knowledge of Amsterdam
except maybe in myths
when you couldn´t fly really easily
or even take a train
when your town was all there was in the world
and a million worlds existed right there
in your amazing beautiful city
Sevilla
the dangers and the dramas
the excitement and the discoveries..
the Creations…
before it was a tourist´s relic.
i take some pictures
and find myself back near the cathedral
i walk around the back of it now…
people are dressed in their sunday bests
they look at me
i´m not
i´m a fuckin bum
and i get some distain
and to people really live like this?
those suits..
people actually wear suits like that?
blue shirts
mustard-yellow blazer and pants
with a bright pink tie?
and the boy with the daddy
is wearing long shorts
down above the knee
startched, it looks like
shiny shoes
everything startched
Sunday Bests!
wow
i´m having a reality crash
and just like that
the church falls from modern gothic to the arabian roots
i take pictures of the doors
i walk up against the wall and photograph the tower
there is a girl there
i hear her LARGE shutter click… wow: SLR
using … Film… how … Quaint..
i walk on back down a small street
too many people
so i turn up
old buildings
dilapidation
hide myself in a dark door way
sit against the old wood and bronze studs
and look through the Spartacus pages..
is says there is a gay bar/cafe from 1928…
interesting
the only place open before 22hrs…
maybe i´ll go find that
and then
i could walk to the station
check the times for the trains to Cadiz, get my reservation
then go to the sauan
which is just a block or so away from the station
cool
yeah.
but maybe i should try and get into the cathedral to see it fully before i walk over there?
mmm
sure.
ok.
so i head back down
as i get closer to the two main horizontal streets through town
the people clot up and jam
i´m crushed in bodies on a hot sunny day
in front of me
are hundreds of kids marching
now in black robes and hoods
candles lit
using them as staffs for walking
the band playing loud
music echoing around the tight streets
we get a little break
and i dash across
but the next street is jammed with a gang of the white wizards
oh golly
how the fuck will i ever get out of here
i follow a bear daddy and his wife
they march down a street
which leads to a similar block
but i stand and watch the black wizards marching for a while
and in front of them
the calvary
their shiny metal hoods
there are different costumes too?
some people love their identity
you can always find pride
yeah!
i move out of there after a whíle
i hate being flocked in
i push my way back through the crowd
i feel almost claustrophobic
ugh
but i´m blocked again by the flow of white wizards
how am i gonna get across them?
if i do
i can walk south around all this craziness
and get across town to the older (even older) part of town
and try and find that Cafe…
eventually
when the procession is stopped
i just cross over
i see other people doing it
you just ask a white wizard if you can pass
or.. just make a run for it..
i´m across
cool
i flip a coin
so
cathedral
right
let´s see if i can get inside it
i try and walk back to it
but all roads are jammed
and i´m sure it´s another hour
of being stuck in throngs
and processions
and lost in the maze streets
before i abondon all hope
and head for the cafe
which is still having to fight through all the people in every direction…
eventually i do
mapping my way desperately
just trying to sort out a way to get there
making my path
having to change it..
and when i get to the Avenida de Hercules…
it´s completely ripped up
once a garden boulevard
now being… Restored
it´s a war zone mess
grrrr
i walk
looking for 63…
the Habanilla Cafe…
but it´s not on the south side of the street
so i cross over to the north
and…
see it
lots of nice people standing outside
talking
drinking
queers?
the only queers i can see are the lesbians
and the lonely chain smoking queen
hmm
but the cafe is beautiful
a chandelier made out of old beer bottles
about a hundred different coffee pots up on three shelves
and all the walls are tiled in beautiful old metalic/glazed tiles
the bar it self has carved wooden hands holding the handrail..
i take pictures of everything while drinking a beer..
my first beer is a Carlsberg
everything here is Cruzcampo
so i asked if there was something darker
she said something i didn´t understand
and i asked if it was spanish
she said yes
and gave it to me
Carlsberg… from Denmark.
so much for communication
upon finishing it
i get a cruz campo
which is so much better
and i´m a happy little puppy
i´m watching the men
there is a handsome man at the bar
he´s smoking camels
and i haven´t had a cigarette in a long time
so i go and ask him for one
he doesn´t have a light though
so i ask the bar girls for one
and when i come back to him
his wife is there with him
Oh.
i think the bar girls are lesbians
and i get a drink of Patxata or something
a spanish fruit liquor
that´s nice
yeah
fuck the suana
i could just stay here and get liquored up..
but no
no
i think i´ll go
this has been nice
but the sun is going..
i finish my drink
making the same mistake outside
i watch a man at a table with six other men
i think he´s queer
then a woman walks up to him
and he throws his arm around her and kisses her and couples her
not so queer
but beautiful bar
beautiful people
i give back the glass
and head up the streets
find the old city wall
look at all the banners hanging off the balconies
oh
and something i wanted to mention:
almost all of the balconies here in Sevilla have decorative tiles on the bottom of them
meaning
if you look up from the street
it´s all beautiful tile work underneath..
i haven´t seen that anywhere else..
it´s very nice.
at this point
i´m listening to Devendra Bahnhardt’s Niño Rojo
and i´m loving it…
he´s singing about Animals
and just being a silly kid
and i´m feeling all happy
and the sunset makes the whole city look magical and beautiful
and that´s nice
it´s great.
it´s great.
and there´s the station
so i go in
and i check out the situation
the situation is this:
no reservation needed for Cadiz
and i just missed the train
the next
and last one
is an hour and a half
at 21:30
alright..
AND
i can get a direct train from Cadiz to Barcelona
leaving about 8hrs and arriving about 18something in Barcelona
right on
ok..
but no stop over in Sevilla..
while i was walking around..
at some point
that guy i played with in the toilets earlier today
he called me
to tell me he was looking at my web page
and i THINK he said he was masturbating to my pictures…
that was sweet
i called him back to tell him i wouldn´t be seeing him on wednesday
could he come now
to meet me at the sauna?
no way.
umm
ok.
so i guess i´ll just walk around the area
maybe go to the sauna
but really
i´d only have a half hour..
i go into the toilets
and there isn´t really any one interesting.
i go to the other side
not really
well
someone
kinda
and he follows me back to the other side
oh
ok…
we´re talking
and i think he´s drunk
and he can´t seem to get hard
and his teeth are al ground down and worn away and yellow
and he really looks like he´s seen better days
ok
so i walk out of the station
and he´s there
and he walks with me
he tells me how guapo i am
and how i am welcome to stay the night at his house
oh really?
that´s very nice
but…
where is your house?
he won´t tell me
and i never go for that..
let´s sit in the park, he says
so i walk to the park with him
the one in front of the station
we sit down and he grabs my cock
i guess this is nice for him
but the more i think about it
no
no
no way
not gonna spend the night with you
i´m gonna see Cadiz
and tomorrow i´m going to spend the night with Luis
and that will be So Nice
and i don´t need a nightmare before that, thanks.
thanks, no.
i let him know
definitively
and walk away
leaving him on the bench
..
i head up to the sauna
i get there
and there are some hot guys in there
i can see when the door opens as someone else comes out
it´s €10 to get in there
for a half hour?
can you work a deal?
he offers me €7
i aim for 5
no can do
my phone rings:
it´s the attorney
he asks where i am
says he´s at the station
meet me in the toilet
um
ok
be there in ten minutes!
i march out of the sauana and head back
as i´m walking up the front steps
he´s there
he says
let´s go to my car
i say
why?
to have sex in your car?
yeah, we can drive around..
ummm
i tell him i found an empty toilet down stairs
it´d be much more private.
oh
ok
let´s try that
so we go down there
and yes
the doors go all the way to the floor on these stalls
and there is no one around
so we go in
take off our tops
and start playing with eachother
i pull out my camera to take pictures of him
he covers his face
but what a sexy furry daddy belly (and cock, of course)
get some nice pics
for being crammed into a bathroom stall
we´re sweating
we´re pushing ourselves together in various ways
but it´s working
— i can tell he got some ideas from looking at my pictures
and he tries it out
but
no
it´s fine
he likes me sucking him
and he´s sweating
the sweat is pouring down
he´s trying to wipe it off with toilet paper
and it´s leaving little white balls all over him
in his chest hair
on his forehead
i start licking his belly
licking his face
he´s laughing
we´re having a good time
but it is time i get going
he cums
we walk out of the stall
the bathroom is dark
i guess it has motion sensitive lights
they turn on
and he goes to the sink to wash up
i piss
when i walk over to him
his shirt is spotted all over in sweat
oohh
what´s he gonna say to the wife?
maybe walk around the quay side to dry off?
i dunno
but he wants my email address again..
ok.
he gives me a pen
i lost my yesterday or … sometime..
and then finds some paper
i take them and put them on the counter
and as i put the pen to paper
a security gaurd comes in
and rushes over the stalls to look in them
i dash off my note
and we dash out of there
up the steps
and outside
i say good bye to him
a hug and a kiss
then back inside to get my luggage out of the locker
up to the platforms..
but my platform hasn´t been called yet
15 minutes to departure
and where do i go?
waiting
the security gaurd walks past me
doesn´t make eye contact
i´m all
non
chalant.
yeah.
5 minutes
and the platform is called
10
alright
i´m down there
and i get on the train
all the kids
i have a window seat
and wish i could sleep?
how long will this train take?
i´m so tired
i can´t write
don´t want to listen to music
just stare out the window at the vague lights
until a boy sits next to me and starts playing solitare on his mobile phone
and i follow suit
but get tired of losing
so close it
and wait
wait til the train is almost empty
and are we to Cadiz yet?
we pull in at 23:32
now what am i gonna do?