i have always been attracted to older men
why?
always have
it pissed my friends off
to want to hang out with these dirty old men
to want to hold their bodies in mine
to cradle them
to be held by them.
but i love them
it’s amazing to me
like some great achievement…
to survive… to Live so long
that old flesh
the weight of the years…
i begin to look at it as a reward without knowing it
to get so old
the beard so very long and flowing
the thick furr on the body
long full eyebrows…
ear hair!
all gorgeous
all spectacular
oh, were i able to live that long..
and in the last few years
i smiled thinking of that
me as some 60 year old man
crazy and filled with stories
rambling on
taking the young ones in my arms
now will i ?
have a failed?
do i miss the prize?
damned to dying young
only full of potential
no resolution
and even better
after all the success
to then have the floating silliness of living just to live
having seen all the world shifting and dancing and playing
just laughing at it
grumbling at it
living on anyway?
well, i’d rather die happy and able than miserable as an invalid
but i know many men at 60 who are still very virile and able
it’s not a game where the winner is the last man standing
but i do want my body hair to be peppered with grey
and my skin older
belly
50’s
i want to be able to give my love
in my mentorship
fucking damn it grrrrr
so i must
must change stories
of what people believe
must survive…