so, i'm here

the flight was strange
i couldn’t sleep
i sat there reading
til my eyes burned
and i was hallucinatory
and my whole body was sore
that burnt-electric fatigue set in
rocketing through the night at 600mph or something…
i napped for about an hour
waking to the sun glarring in on me
so hot
i wanted to be naked in it
floating in the air up there like that
naked…
burning or freezing?
the plane had to circle
holding pattern
we landed nearly a half hour late
and British Airways has this Excellent idea where you have to check in AGAIN to get your boarding pass for your connecting flight
wow, what a great idea
line a mile long
curling around everywhere
i’m tired now, grouchy
i hate London.
in line
there’s this weedy old guy, could swear he’s Quinten Crisp’s brother
a total sissy
but not empowered by it, dig
so not hot.
he gets pulled out of line
and i take my headphones off
to hear that we get to skip the line if we have a flight in the next hour
which i do
rushed through
security (again, isn’t that a great idea? doesn’t it make perfect sense?)
check in
hike ALL the way across the terminal
sit down
flight’s been delayed two hours.
Oh.
well
that’s great
by the time we’ll be boarding
Leo should be waiting for his flight
i look into the logistics of trying to get on his plane
but it’s a mess
apparently no one knows how to schedule planes at Heathrow
you’d have thought they’d figured that out by now, eh?
well
there i am
trying to nap on the bench
when i realized our gate’s been changed:
to the other fucking side of the terminal
s’ok.
as i walk
i look for Leo
no Leo.
i get to my gate
it’s been delayed another half hour
Ok.
i go walking some more
and there’s Leo!
sitting next to a cute chubby hawaian guy
i point at his case
‘ is that a ukelele? ‘
it is!
he starts playing for us
it’s a big one, a tenor…
he’s sweet
Leo
is
SUCH
a
Slut.
(grin)
Leo smiles at me
and gives me a 10 pound note he’s had since last year
so i go and buy some crisps and a sarny just for nostalgia’s sake
i usually avoid airport food
it’s so vapid.
so i chat with Leo a bit
hug him
and we promise to meet at the baggage claim
—
the flight taxis for about an hour
a huge line of planes a head of us
but it’s less than an hour in the air
and wow
there’s Holland
so flat
the sea
knocking
knocking…
we get our bags
i change some money
Wow, 200 dollars is about 150 Euros…
wow…
ok.
poor America.
Leo and i are happy kids
we’re buying train tickets
we’re buying strippenkarts
we’re missing trains
we’re riding trains
we’re riding trams
we’re walking through the old neighborhood
we’re home
we’re in the church
we’re drinking tea
we’re really fucking tired
and when i tell him everything about what’s been happening recently
he just hugs me
— we go out to get dinner
try and find Juan
no Juan
and food down there is so terrible (in the tourist district, vapid: like airport food… but cheaper)
and the bar…
the bar…
Oh Yes
i remember now
Amsterdam is what made it impossible for me to go into bars anymore!
we’re sitting drinking and talking
and we talk to other people
i initiate it
or Leo does
but they’re drunk and sad and crazy and relentless
ReLentLess
MyGod.
so i leave Leo and go downstairs
and everyone looks at me like i’m an Alien
or worse
Jesus
and i’m making them all feel shameful
avert their eyes
hide their cocks from me
i fucking hate this feeling
Pariah.
i go back up
and Leo chats up some young italian guy
who’s a fuckin nut (and not in a fun way: RELENTLESS)
and then leaves me with the chatter box and goes down
to play with someone
as he always can and does
— he’s so fucking hot.
i get rid of the italian when i’ve got about 2% of my shields left
and then get attacked from the other side by Arrogant Dutch Guy
who is also ReLentLess
and not fun
just snotty and snappy and disconnected
and then Leo comes back
all smiley
and i’m like: LET”S GET OF HERE
nad the Web was just as bad
worse
Leo plays with some kid i used to do girl-chat with
“oh, isn’t that daddy so hot?”
yeah, so hot
he busts a load on Leo’s boot
alright.
we take the tram home and crash.
sleeping was hard
we woke at three
talked a few hours
and managed to go back to sleep til 11
and today?
today i went to Sebastian’s
good to see him again
Helena…
we hugged and talked
had soup and bread
Amsterdam
some american guy from california was there
but i was too happy to be there to be uspet about it
it was a Breema workshop
healing work
all about presence
as he taught it
my judgemental side was pissy that no one was doing it right
and how i was the most exacting of students
that is
the only one i saw actually doing what the guy was teaching
and people responded very positively to what i was doing
great
well
being in a room full of people focusing on presence is always good
and when we lay down in a Sivasana style intention
i fell asleep instantly
dreaming
— i guess many others did as well
there was more chatting
but i said i would meet Leo before 6 back at the Rectory
— we’re staying in the Rectory of an Olde Catholick Church
but Leo wasn’t there
and didn’t get back til 7:30
— he’d been at the sauna
which i knew
got stalked in there by some cute italian
and whiled the hours away…
he’s such a SHY Hunter.
and what am i?
jet lagged
tired and grouchy
we went out to eat
and got back around 11
but i’ve been on this box for hours trying to answer emails
and post things
silly me
but now it’s time for sleep
three in morning
we’ll take the rest of the week easy, you know
gotta get a bike
gotta see the swimming trees
and the old friends