[intro]balancing

so
when i first started LJ a year and a half ago
i thought it would be a great place to post my Balancing project
not that it’s really a project
but it was my first “on line journal’
—
this guy i’d met asked me to tell him about myself
so i wrote a long piece
and sent it to him
(many of my initial Stories are in there)
and then i didn’t hear back from him.
scared him off, i guess.
a month later
when i got back in touch with him
he told me he’d decided that
even though i was amazing and
like “vast new vistas to explore”
he’d decided that he would go back to his junkie boy friend and watch TV because he didn’t want to have to work at living.
this pushed me over the edge of my teen-age despiration
(well, i was 20 at the time, but it was my saturn square… i was breaking)
i started writing long pieces
doing my best to be honest about myself
in front of all the people i loved and respected.
my family was not included, because we didn’t at that time.
but it was my early days of internetting
so i had a few people on there i’d never met…
and various others i’d met just once or so
it lasted a few months
with people opting out along the way
some discussion
mostly
just me and a few other of the creative types
posting crazy ramblings
(so note the email address: some of the posts aren’t from me i’m only writing from my first intenet address: horsestorideon@hotmail.com — which no longer works)
— i’d meant to upload all of this to my LJ and back-date it
… it’s a year and a half later
and i had only put two up
so i spent some time yesterday and put up about 30 more
up to November 9th, 1998
the link to the first entry, which is like a prelude is here
http://www.livejournal.com/users/waltzingtree/42265.html
then just click the “Next Entry” in the upper left of the page and it’ll take you to it.
there are 130 messages more to process in
— i’ll do my best to putting some more every day
linking back to here for an intro
and with a link to the most recent
the user pic i used is a gif i compiled of five pics taken of me around the time i was writing it
— i don’t have any after i actually got to tucson (which was november 15th, i think)
until mid ’99 when i was living and working in portland.
if i do
they’re in a box somewhere there…
ahh, the pre-digital days…
anyway
just going through these last night sent me… off balance
remembering old friends
(i’m not really friends with any of these people any more…)
ripped through me like lightening
i stayed up really late
and didn’t sleep well
filled with dreams
tumult
but here we are
grey day
(like sunday)
so gotta keep on living
only click into here if you’ve got time and anthropological interest:
it’s an interesting picture of time and kids…
it’s a lot of words.