doing odd things

— i’ve been making puppets
i’ve been VERY TIRED
spending every day hashing out the details
creating things
telling a story:
[simple]
Packaged food is poisonous to your health
be aware of what you put in your body
be involved with your nourishment
include your community
.
Good!
i’m so tired!
Bridget has been tired too
we are easily irritable when tired.
she fights with her boyfriend
they argue
they talk
they spend time talking
they would talk all about it!
i would get irritated with all the talking
but really
i would be jealous.
they Like this
what’s better
they LEARN from it
they both admit that it’s profitable
and they are appreciative of eachother’s input.
but my relationships.. NOOOOOO
No. Leo wouldn’t really respond.
Robert and Trevis would get Angry and Sullen
others just wouldn’t comprehend
i’m jealous of what they have
it’s painful to see the struggle
but it’s so beautiful
to see them growing.
i watch
i’m glad to be around them
because i am not in a relationship right now
i wonder if i’d like to be?
slide in skin-to-skin in the dark of night…
but didn’t i come here, kinda
to be in a relationship?
yes yes
but mostly with my self
addmittedly
…
but there is a boy here who i love dearly
not in a weird desperate way
not like that at all
i just love him
i just want him in my life
i just want to be in his
i want conversations and arguments
i want us to chase eachother through the park
i want to get gleaming with sweat with him
— it’s good to want things.
today
making the puppet show
fixing the stage
walked through Bed-Sty
Nostrand to Fulton
turn left
find the hardware store
all the black people calling out “jesus”
whispering it under their breath
joking
serious.
i buy dowel rods
i buy curtain rods
at the counter
i see leather-key-rings with astrology names printed on them
i don’t realize this
at first
i only see the name “Leo”
i deliberate…
upon realization
i pull of the Leo anyway
— extra rings scatter to the floor
i pay $1.50 for it
odd thing to do
why?
do i want a Leo in my life?
do i want to be my own Leo?
July 17th…
tonight is the full moon
well, the opposition is tomorrow at 6:06 in the morning
sun in taurus, moon in scorpio
lunar eclipse.
a perfect time for sex magic
but i’m so tired
i will just sleep and cuddle with Fritter
a faery friend who is visiting this big city
(to see Spam-a-Lot)
i will wake when i wake
maybe things will be clearer in the morning