what a beautiful sunny day
i remember
on the bus last night
the sun set
in the back window
going up and down the hills into china-town-heights
that dash of cloud against the beautiful sky
it’s so pretty here
too bad i don’t like the people.
meeting people i wanted to meet
— erasing them from my cell phone
cross off potential after potential
people in self-delusion and some sort of pretentious seduction
i don’t want any of this
i’m looking for life…
if i had any expectation
it’s all dissapointment now
walking the large block of the city
down the street
up the hill
through the hood
kicking through the trash
it’s a very pretty city
if you don’t look down
make the calls
see old friends
sigh
huge exhales
huffing and puffing up the hills
today is my father’s birthday
he’s surprised i don’t like this town very much
i’m tired
i’m so happy to be…
i can’t deal with this
the castro
walking away from it
eating ice cream
“i’m so glad i don’t live here”
i just don’t like the way it feels
the book store
any who read:
Books Inc. got more copies of BUTT #11
but the phone’s all wrong
they’re not calling through
and i’m sorry i’ll not be here when my old friends arrive
but i’m on my way out of town
back to the hermitage to sort through my stuff
then what?
some grand new adventure
hopefully
i’ll be finding home soon.
0 thoughts on “tying off/cutting off”
bearzbub
Thanks for the Butt tip! I wanted to get a copy for someone who lives in another state which doesn’t seem to sell any Butt.
SF is all about hooking up which makes it all high school to me.
dominicvine in reply to bearzbub
(laughs)
i was there last night with a guy i had really wanted to meet
coz he looked like a sweet cowfrom texas who had just moved here a few months ago
— i wanted to get to him before he got jaded
apparently
i was a few years (or life-times) too late
and we tromped around the castro (which, apparently, is the only place to eat — he complained about the bad mexican food all night, but wouldn’t go to the mission)
everything was everyone else’s fault
and he would flip his hair back (he had none) off is ear every time he was going off on some tangent about how horrible everyone was
i went to the book store while he was in Gold’s Gym waiting to get a free membership (that, of course, wasn’t given to him)
when he explained to me that
— he was glad i called because he thought i was a flake and wouldn’t call, but he didn’t have to work tomorrow and didn’t know what/who he was going to do tonight
— then, after he realized i wasn’t on his side, told me he didn’t have sex with people who had boy-friends or did porn
so he went home
and i walked into book’s inc. to look for the NEW issue of BUTT
which hasn’t got to america yet
but i’m glad you wanted that one
it’s a nice one
and they’ve got a fresh stack
go sing it to the hills.
i wanted to not great SF like a bath house
i just can’t get it to work otherwise
it’s the only pretext i have for meeting most people here
(sex)
except some girls i know here
but they’re often too busy with their boy friends
(grin)
but i love you too, Victor
i’ve always been glad to run into you everywhere
maybe it’s because we’ve never tried to ravenously devour eachother?
like my time in Amsterdam, i began to cherish the few people i knew who i WASn’t having sex with
HUGS
bearzbub in reply to dominicvine
I have a CD (or two) to give to you before you leave. I’ll be at the eagle sunday night…or we can set up some time to meet. You have my number and junk, talk to you later.
winstonthriller
While we lived in the Bay Area, there was a brief (too brief) time where I loved SF. Living north and having to cross the Golden Gate Bridge each day, getting off the bus at Ghiradelli Square to take a Cable Car to the front door of where I worked…it was lovely, it was romantic, it was heaven, it lasted about 6 months.
If Paris is a moveable feast, San Francisco became (to me) a traveling high school. I can understand and even respect how some people love it, but honestly, I don’t even want to visit the place for quite a while.
dominicvine in reply to winstonthriller
yeah, i’ve NEVER liked it
which isn’t true
but it’s never been consistant
i mean
the first time i was here
it was all straight kids and featured getting fucked up on drugs the whole time and hanging out in the upper haight
opium and mushrooms
and this gay friend of mine — he grew up here
and he had that knack for smashing through my boundaries and leeching into my energy
it was a beautiful city: but i was very uncomfortable
plus
how i grew up
told me that being in san francisco would kill me if i was gay
coz i’d get AIDS and die right away.
second time i came here
i rode down with a faerie i met at a gathering:
first time in SF as a gay man
bars, drunk people, someone offered to buy me
it was a swirl
quite exciting
the fae got me drunk
took me home
(upper haight)
and while i was passed out
he tried to fuck me
the third time i came down here
the first time on my own
i parked my little red truck in LarkSpur
and took the ferry in as the sun was ending dusk
romantic as all hell
the lights of the city
some cute bearded man on the deck
by the end
we were embraced in eachother’s arms
the wind blowing through out hair
i gave him my email address
and never heard from him again
met three nice people that weekend
who never gave me a chance to be friends with them
coz all they would let me be was their “soul mate”
every day i have moments of being in love with the town
it is SO PRETTY
but then
so what?
— i’ll see you in Vermont…
winstonthriller in reply to dominicvine
— i’ll see you in Vermont…
When?
dominicvine in reply to winstonthriller
oh, i’ll be in NYC this summer
and i always like getting out of the city and enjoying the trees…
i love what i’ve seen of VT
and would like to see more
if you invite me up
i’ll come up and cook some indian food for you
and do my best to be sunny
chefxh
awwww honey *enfold* *long hug*
I don’t like that place either
hope you get to go home soon; you’ve been looking for it for so long!
dominicvine in reply to chefxh
hope you get to go home soon; you’ve been looking for it for so long!
HA!
i read this
and started laughing
and i’m STILL laughing!
HA!