waking up before i go to sleep

make things perfectly clear
heading out of town
going to rest
spent the night jittering to pieces
no
no drugs
just the computer
the images i’m re-arranging
the words i’m sending around
bouncing my intentions off the rocky-face of the world
i’m here
blathering at strangers
mouthing off in friend’s houses
making all sorts of statements
that just sound silly for people who are schooled
i’m a great simpleton
myself a farmer
often reminded
a boy from indiana
really blue collar
my dad doesn’t know how to use words properly
i don’t know how to use thoughts, some times
but lack of skill has never stopped me
it’s where i am today.
Today i’ve decided to head down to the city sooner
to start learning about the flower business
to see where it takes me
to see if i can actually make it work
there are some doubts
the world shifts
axis
earthquakes
common occurances today
anyway
i’m not saying a lot right now because i’m resting
the idea is to be settled in the city by next month
i’m doing my best to lay foundations..
retrospective?
i left SF difficultly:
went to THE LAB to see an art opening: “Harry Bodies”
there were a few BUTT connexions… that’s how i found out about it anyway
and the first guy who talked to me in there said “i saw you in BUTT”
it became fun
felt like we were all friends
old friends/new friends
it felt like highschool
silly, fun
somehow bigger than it was
rather
smaller than it was
it was big
it was real
it was fun
some of the art made me feel like i was 13
fetishizing low-rez porn
hmmm
and there were some body-landscape-photos
which i’ve dreamed of for years
and often try and photograph
these hot men i adore
macro photos of their furry curves
well done!
met up with a guy i’d not seen since 99!
we went to the mission for a burrito
while we were eating
the car got towed
[i’d said, ” i’ll get the burritos, you wait in the car ” but he came in anyway, forgot to say “to go” they served us on a plate: still we were there less than a half hour]
drama
keeping it cool
$342.
yup.
got my stuff from UGH
and on trying to leave
the engine warning light came on and he got paranoid
then told me he hadn’t changed his oil for over 7000 miles and generally only changed it every 15000
which sounds insane to me
i made him go to a gas station
check the tires and the oil
(the dipstick had cooked gunk on it: first time i ever saw that)
anyway
we got out of town
we got to the hermitage at about 2am
we spent the next 24 hours in bed
watched “Orgasmo”
had conversations about
the azurite press
crazy
but true
in there
but really
i want everything to be simpler
i like to keep things to mainly one planet
i mean
that’s complicated enough, isn’t it?
perhaps i’m just a dullard…
i showed him this site
about sacred geometry and implosion, etc…
that i first learned about when living at Heartwood
(you can tell i’m having fun with html today, eh?)
i attended a lecture he gave when he came there
showed how people in love sych their hert frequencies and “imbed” in eachother
fractal: return to one
Yum.
and watched “the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” again
the first time i watched it with someone who could talk with me about it
round in circles and circles again til we learn how to love
YEAH!
he left and i read and rested
the next day
got on the computer
which yielded a massage client/playmate
a farmer
beautiful
could be so nice…
and a client the next day! (that would be this morning… or yesterday morning- i’ve not slept yet)
this morning i woke groggily to my client calling to tell me he was 5 minutes away
but the massage went very well
and i was too lazy then to go to Harbin Hot Springs
which is only 20 miles away
but takes nearly an hour to get to…
and i want to lay naked in the sun
(tucson spoiled me as it always does)
so i’ll go tomorrow…
today.
when i wake up
but first i need to sleep.