someone to love (me)

what does that mean?
when I see his name
my heart aches
because he’s someone who can take my shit
tells me to shut up
says all I want is to be annihilated
and he will teach me

and I yearn…

but I don’t think that’s really love
I think it’s just the familiar taste of my wound
my fall-back kink

and even if I ever got it
for real
and all
it wouldn’t really help
how could it?
I have to take the next breath anyway
me
I have to keep my heart beating
mine

for myself
I yearn…

.iP