43.39 - breaking fast - yesterday i just had fresh squeezed orange juice with some of my lemon maple syrup mixture. . . and lots of water. i lay in bed most of the day talking to people, playing video games, arranging my winter plans (in mexico) and pleasuring myself. but mostly being quiet. . . and writing. today i went to church with my parents. i woke at 5 from bad dreams. only four hours sleep. couldn’t go back into sleep, so got up and meditated for the longest i’ve meditated in a long time. my father invited me to church last night and i’ve only gone with them once this year, so i made sure to do it. i mostly meditated through it, but caught words “turn this heart of stone into a heart of love alone” was a good bit. . . and i liked how the priests asked us if any of us think we are prophets. . . aye aye captain. . . i mostly did metta practice and then dissolved into all. . . and when i was thinking i did one of my favorite games of trying to translate the beliefs i have about “reality” into “christian” speak, and dominant paradigm lingo. i made more orange juice when we got home. put a dash of my house made kombucha in it . . . and half a scoop of plant based protein powder. . . but it really wasn’t satiating me. i was getting a headache, probably from sleep deprivation . . . so i went to the garden and harvested a ton of kale. . . so grateful: last year our kale was decimated by bugs. . . maybe the nasturtiums are keeping them away this year? i hear an owl hooting. . . how nice! it felt so good. i got tons of kale. . . and a huge turnip. . . i made a soup with kale and turnip greens from the garden then lots of ginger turnip parsnip sweet potato celery root carrot beet brussel sprouts yellow summer squash brown rice mung beans fenugreek seed some chamomile flowers and then miso at the end delicious! especially for the first food i’ve eaten in over two weeks! the first bowl was mostly broth. . . with some dark miso and a few chunks of veggies: well boiled. i had a second one later. . . lovely. and now i’m preparing for sleep. love you sleep well