somewhere in there is a picture of me. i obsessed all night hours in Mario Kart nothing nothing looking though all the ways people could send me messages just to feel the touch of them not to reply the moon travelled across the sky i didn’t sleep til the sky was lightening i only slept three hours i don’t know how i made it through the day and accomplished so much so much laying naked outside (ok, that was very short, twice) so much letting things slide so much listening to music harvesting chamomile fertilizing the beds preparing the new massage oil cleaning and sorting talking and listening on the phone wondering if i’d made a mistake watching a Wes Anderson film with my mother - she didn’t like it but today i thought to take pictures but couldn’t decide them well i wanted green i wanted sky there is thinking of mexico for the winter there is thinking of Thailand - can i pick up where i left off? -impossible- (“only not to be of use”) im giving up solid foods for a while oh all these beautiful fat bodies can i give them up? the fire flies flicker i must go to sleep there isn’t enough strawberry moon it will be ok anyway