34.4

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kinda amazed how the days are passings
kinda amazed
how I was Lonely in the California forest
now I’m back in the big city
and just want to be Alone

perhaps it’s the ringworm (or whatever) on my face and hand that enforces my desire not to see or touch anyone
-I found myself singing New Order’s "Leave Me Alone" on my birthday and was surprised. . . as I didn’t think I felt like that. . . it was just the undertow of the coming wave
and now I’m out in the sea

but it’s quite comfy

/

what do we do
us artists
complex people
born in confusion
to simple men
with some brave passion to say all they are content to leave unsaid
say unsayables…
to other complex and confused people
happy to nod and "hmm" in agreement
or give us money
in compensation for there confusion.

/

even being near Steven Sondheim seemed to make my sense of pitch better
or the performers knew he was there and we’re terribly nervous
but
to put it like Koos
The Show Was Bad

still. . .
an interesting story
I bought the book it was based on from amazon immediately

I walked around with Tony
we sat in silence
feeling the sun
and Venus

I wanted to reach out and be there
really feel her
Venus!
can you hear me?

I lay in bed
studying Venus
all day

"every planet we reach is dead"

but there’s gotta be other life out there
outside of ourselves
right?

I mean
besides the guy who turned his cat into a helicopter

sitting in silence with a friend
feeling
being. . .

I read some article Eli wrote
where he described me as his friend
and sometimes lover

I liked his style of writing

I thought of he
and Sheridan and Trevis
and how we chipped away at the stone of life
faceting it

I don’t do that with my friends now
(except with love. . . which is more ameliorating)

or do I do it. . . ?

I looked through an x friend’s files
he had a collection of compliments

I thought
"what a sweet boy"
I wish I could only think positive things about him

but how could I facet him
without a critical eye?

a guy came up to me in a bar
and talked to me about Jorge
telling me how sexy he is
and such a great kisser

I’m happy for my friends

I walked under the moon

it’s late

I’ll be home by now

thanks Venus

.iP