32.23

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Photo on 2010-06-26 at 01.33 #2

is this fair?
i wanted to type on a keyboard tonight
and i’m home
and never took a picture with my iPhone today
is this fair?

think about telling a story
Endless Things
a story that is entertaining
racy
compelling
a story we’d like to believe
one where not only a Happy Ending is possible
but a Revolutionary one
not so much an Ending
but a story of how the new beginning came to be
then tell that story

then say
"that’s not how it happened. he really burned there in that field. end of story"

come out into the field
let’s do battle here
there are a million monsters to deal with out here
but the secret you have to remember is
every single one of them is you

Healing Circle
think of the healing circle
and what you call into it
there
do you expect fair and balanced people?
perhaps you should expect broken people
why else would they come for healing?
we’re having fun
but we’re not JUST playing.

And Lover
and father
and mentor
and teacher
and i am going to fight you
and i’m going to love every smack i feel
and i’m going to hate to have to hit you
but you wouldn’t hit me back if i didn’t play along
and it’s the only joy in town.

(i have such a teacher)

The Miraculous Power of Denial
well used
well abused
into diabetes
lung cancer
aids
well used
past the broken glass
past the watchful eye of the police
past the dangerous kids in that neighborhood
through the red light
through the cancer
through the walking pneumonia
through life
onward
underwater
where gigantic fish can eat even the largest of whales
In Life
i have forgotten
over and over again
in my stuttering attempt to love
what gifts i have
"don’t imagine that it’s not a power"
when i was younger
i wanted to believe that everything i perceived all perceived
in fact
certain conversations i would have i felt they were lying to me
when they denied they could read my thoughts
Perhaps
because i was talking to them directly
which meant they could see and feel my thought forms
and knew exactly what i meant
and knew it to be true
for me
but also knew it to be entirely foreign
to them
thus spoke their truth
a lie in the face of mine.
how many countless examples?
not everyone can choose
not everyone can heal
not everyone is free
not everyone can be free
not everyone can surpass themselves.

the act of writing is a "simplification" of "the truth"
in order to put anything down
in words
it has to be so thoroughly shaved.edited.perverted.picked.pecked.pushed.pulled.revolved.examined.rejected.retrieved.released.
it is never easy
but it is never real either
it’s not how i really am
it’s my attempt at being real
really real
to make sense of it
to keep myself entertained

i’m not really this critical
i’m not really this hopeless
i’m not really this angsty
i’m not really this funny
ha ha
this is just a presentation
of the owls
from the darkness outside of night
through this night that leads into morning
so you can see it
dream it
forget it upon waking
and remember it through the day
as if you made it up yourself

i can’t give you anything but love, baby
but the only love i can give you is that which comes through me
and it ain’t straight.