oh, all the sex i’ve had a waste of vital life essence paying to play the lottery prizes: deadly diseases mild annoyances love of your life! consolation prize shiny bauble damage, shame, guilt, fear, desire and longing ok ok what do i get if i get the grand prize!? a lifetime of sitting on the couch watching movies? making salves and tinctures? singing songs? traveling the world?! what i want what i’ve always wanted is someone to look me in the eyes and offer to work it out with me all of it someone i can look at and say yeah, instead of ignoring reality entertaining ourselves with other people’s fantasies let’s talk about it lets massage it out lets stretch it out lets meditate lets let it go return to love come back to the breath together let’s fuck the suburbs out of each other lets’ straiten out the crooked DNA let’s make love bathed in death from above sure there are plenty of puzzles to do and games to play we are just kids just exploring playing yeah but we can heal we can learn we can we can get it together oh Yeah! maybe all my longing of the greatest effort could meet the same end in that simpler and quieter way of returning to the breath to love unspoken just known in the realms beyond concept together together all i’ve ever wanted is to wrestle soften gentle all i’ve ever wanted is to massage and be massaged to be loved and touched lovingly in all of the places all the trouble with wanting how often have i bemoaned i don’t want to be entertained all the time entertained to death missing life as it slides by in the background drowned out. . . you and i we have our wounds and if we ever healed all of them there are the wounds of the entire human race we could work on together and once completed the rest of life on this planet then forever the universe so many opportunities for Good Work not just fucking growing corn over and over what do you want? it’s not your fault. i love you anyway, hon.
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