43.33 - over a week of fasting and i don’t feel like i’ve lost much weight. . . i definitely feel lighter though. . . i like the emptiness, what i always liked about fasting. . . the simplicity: no choices, just simple nourishment. low energy, ish. . . but mostly feel pretty good. enjoyed this time alone. going back to zionsville tonight. bye dogs. . . back to my garden. . . will it be harder not to eat in the house full of miraculous costco snacks and the summer garden. . . and eggs?
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and excerpts from today’s transcription:
“Help me quiet my mind, Quiet my desires. Make me useful. Help me to see the same divinity in all creation. Remove all hatred from my Heart”
(write in the ⁋ from page 38 “The person practicing svadhyaya. . . “)
[“
The person practicing svādhyāya reads his own book of life, at the same time that he writes and revises it. There is a change in his outlook on life. He starts to realize that all creation is meant for bhakti (adoration) rather than for bhoga (enjoyment), that all creation is divine, that there is divinity within himself and that the energy which moves him is the same that moves the entire universe.
(skipping one paragraph, the next is: )
To make life healthy, happy and peaceful, it is essential to study regularly divine literature in a pure place. This study of the sacred books of the world will enable the sādhaka to concentrate upon and solve the difficult problems of life when they arise. It will put an end to ignorance and bring knowledge. Ignorance has no beginning, but it has an end. There is a beginning but no end to knowledge. By svādhyāya the sādhaka understands the nature of his soul and gains communion with the divine. The sacred books of the world are for all to read. They are not meant for the members of one particular faith alone. As bees savour the nectar in various flowers, so the sādhaka absorbs things in other faiths which will enable him to appreciate his own faith better.
Philology is not a language but the science of languages, the study of which will enable the student to learn his own language better. Similarly, Yoga is not a religion by itself. It is the science of religions, the study of which will enable a sādhaka the better to appreciate his own faith.
- BKS Iyengar, Light on Yoga “]
43.32.1 - today’s animals: i took a lot of pictures today, so here are the animals and me. i did not intend to do a close up of my nipple. . . but that’s a good way to start. i’ve been so surprised at how different i feel on this fast (day 7 now? 10?) - i went to the supermarket and felt kinda horrified at bodies i’d usually be attracted to. . . im not doing moral internal work much on this fast, but i’ve had zero sexual desire this week, which is odd for me, but a welcome break. . . however, my karma is kama, so i have horny dudes writing me all the time wanting me to meet them there. . . which i often do, but right now i have no interest. . . so i’m using my body in other ways. . . a little dancing, but mostly napping and sitting and lately i’ve been taking sun in the morning. . . which has made me feel like doing yoga. . . so grateful, it feels awesome, even to do a little bit. . . . the rest of these pics? fish at a friend’s house. . . his cat on his cat wheel… i’ll spare you the pic of the squirrel i took: a hawk had started eating his shoulder then dropped it on the street. … and the dogs being scared and jumping in my lap from the fireworks again, just a few moments ago, sitting out on the back deck. . . you’ll all enjoy it, right?
43.32.2 - the flowers. i took a walk with a friend i once rode ~600 miles in mongolia with~ there were some gorgeous gardens in his strange neighborhood, we saw a hawk catch a squirrel and eat it in a tree. . . then sat and talked a while- first other person i’ve sat in person with this week. . . he reminded me of many things i used to feel and believe- i’m grateful to notice how “i’ve” changed. i made some comment ina video i made at the beginning of this project about no one really changing. . . that’s silly: we are all changing all the time. . . and we can steer some of it. . . and we are always who we were and entirely new right now. . . each new now that we notice.
//
another excerpt from the red 3MO journal:
SAMSARA REHAB CENTRE
i came up with the brilliant idea yesterday to make a bunch of videos. . . which, of course, has avalanched into Projects that my mind is now shaped around. it was difficult to fall asleep last night because i kept making Videos. except i wasn’t. i was lying in bed in a dark room. . . dreaming while not sleeping. So, while showering this morning, i was making a video for my Dad, telling him. . . Asking him When it was a good idea to be Hateful? and would he say he is Mostly Happy with his Life? & is he OK with being Harmful to his family? causing us all a lot of suffering. . . & working to support us? Would he prefer more not to cause us suffering or not to Harm us? & When did Jesus say was the Right Time to be Hateful? and
Hey Dominic: When is the Right time to be Hateful? mmmm. to hate.
So i went to the next sitting with that Question & after a million moments to settle i asked it: A: “when i don’t like someone?” Questions & Answers followed. a teacher voice. a student voice. Me & Me again & feelings so i went through three people i’d been Hateful with & talked it out with teacher. i saw reasons & projections & upon reflection it was always unwise to be hateful. it hurt very badly at one point & i got to be with it Now. Know that pain Now. Holding others to Standards which i don’t want others to hold me to. ouch. Hating Hypocrites because they serve to weaken my resolve. oh, i’m a hypocrite too. oh, i don’t actually know anyone’s actually story or suffering - & it led to genuine compassion. so. . . that’s useful, right?
“i wanna do Bad things…& we’re one again.”
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other excerpts from yesterday’s transcription
not my writing, but stuff i looked up in references from the talk
Rebecca’s talk: Q&A
Brahmaviharas & forgiveness & Gratitude
hearts are like adopted feral cats…
The person is always forgivable. Their acts might not be, but they are. The people who cause harm are often suffering greatly. “The line of Good & Evil cuts through the heart of every Human being” (Russian Dissident)
Taking Action. Delusion is slippery. check out the motives. Take the Actions Mindfully & see the Results.
Challenges & Rewards of long term practice: cycles
Trust the Deepening Practice - it gets uncomfortable. . . but leads to deeper peace. Landing further into Truth. Running from the truth is costly. When we are Deluded we don’t know we’re Deluded. Rumi Poem: Bird Wings. !
The spiritual journey is about coming to terms with loss. we learn how to let go every moment
control is not a strategy for happiness.
Anata Lakana Sutra
i had hoped for so long that by actively pursuing & acting as if i had no fears of Death would set me free: Life is Dangerous! Jump into it & enjoy it & let it kill me - until it does i will be happy . . . somewhere i got lost. . . & am hurting & not happy
REMEMER THE INTENTION TO CULTIVATE WAKING UP.
“like minded friends, where wisdom & love & practice seem as important”
any / every moment in life can be used as practice
[ later found, Rumi Poem:
Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you are bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes, and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.
– Rumi
Sutra, from Wikipedia
The Anattalakkhaṇa Sutta (Pali) or Anātmalakṣaṇa Sūtra (Sanskrit), is traditionally recorded as the second discourse delivered by Gautama Buddha. The title translates to the "Not-Self Characteristic Discourse", but is also known as the Pañcavaggiya Sutta (Pali) or Pañcavargīya Sūtra (Skt.), meaning the "Group of Five" Discourse.
In this discourse, the Buddha analyzes the constituents of a person's body and mind (khandha) and demonstrates that they are each impermanent (anicca), subject to suffering (dukkha) and thus unfit for identification with a "self" (attan). The Pali version of this discourse reads:
"Form, ... feeling, ... perception, ... [mental] fabrications, ... consciousness is not self. If consciousness were the self, this consciousness would not lend itself to dis-ease. It would be possible [to say] with regard to consciousness, 'Let my consciousness be thus. Let my consciousness not be thus.' But precisely because consciousness is not self, consciousness lends itself to dis-ease. And it is not possible [to say] with regard to consciousness, 'Let my consciousness be thus. Let my consciousness not be thus.'...
"Thus, monks, any form, ... feeling, ... perception, ... fabrications, ... consciousness whatsoever that is past, future, or present; internal or external; blatant or subtle; common or sublime; far or near: every consciousness is to be seen as it actually is with right discernment as: 'This is not mine. This is not my self. This is not what I am.'
"Seeing thus, the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones grows disenchanted with form, disenchanted with feeling, disenchanted with perception, disenchanted with fabrications, disenchanted with consciousness. Disenchanted, he becomes dispassionate. Through dispassion, he is fully released. With full release, there is the knowledge, 'Fully released.' He discerns that 'Birth is ended, the holy life fulfilled, the task done. There is nothing further for this world.'"
In the Pali Canon, the Anattalakkhana Sutta is found in the Samyutta Nikaya ("Connected Collection," abbreviated as either "SN" or "S") and is designated by either "SN 21.59" (SLTP) or "SN 22.59" (CSCD) or "S iii 66" (PTS). This discourse is also found in the Buddhist monastic code (Vinaya).
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