Day: June 13, 2021

i woke this morning groggy and late
missed the dawn chorus
i’d stayed up last night til three
stuck in a screen loop


this morning i sat up in bed and watched a woodpecker dismantle a tree


watched blue jays hopping around in the grass


i watered the plants in the garden
i said the cliche “it’s gonna be a scorcher”
thinking about how wilted the plants would be if i didn’t water them
90°
the sun felt so intense even at 10AM


then i drove to a local park
and sold my laptop
to a guy from mexico
for his wife


i felt a strange energy coming from Mexico
i played a VR game last night for nearly two hours
and met a really nice mexican guy 
by calling out some guy being a racist asshole
he suddenly became very friendly with me
and taught me a lot about what was going on in thai game
really took me under his wing
and it was obvious he had a brilliant mind


it all felt so positive


i have been very hesitant to make any future plans this year
but i feel i should go back go mexico!


i’d also like to go back to Italy
and Switzerland 
and Thailand 


oh
travel


and i dream of other places to be


i really want to do a talk about family
i didn’t bring my tripod out with me
but maybe i’ll make a video in the morning


there is something so dear
unique
to be appreciated about family


even when the family dynamic is a dysfunctional toxic mess
there is still love there too
and 
some other quality 
je n’es ce quoi. . . 


and i also want to go back to California
to Oregon
to Hawaii. . . 


and i also want to go many places i’ve never been


and the air smells like honey
and the fireflies are flickering


i had a nice time with my sister today 
many nice moments
and felt very touched when she asked me if i was still moving so much
referencing how i was constantly moving after returning from Thailand. . . and mexico


but after our global pandemic year
i’m not
i’m sluggish
heavy
staid


that’s one of the reasons i’m catching this mercury retrograde comet 
and doing a ye’ole Birthday Project
i have to “shake off this heavy deep sleep”


but she expressed real concern for me that i wasn’t moving much, wasn’t meditating. . . 
i know
i do the best i can
i’m glad i’m reflecting like this every day right now
even if blathering externally into the web isn’t the same as self care
it is a selfing with care


breathing in and breathing out 
like humans do


but now i shall sleep
grateful for the sounds of night
and the soft moving air


i hope you’re happy and peaceful where you are