spent the night at 3B last night
probably went to sleep before midnight
but woke around 4am and haven’t been back to sleep yet (but he’s leaving for work now; maybe I will)
through the morning the dreams I had came back to me, a bit:
I was (guess what?) traveling
staying the night with a stranger
maybe it was a client
or friend-of-a-friend
or serendipitous street cruise
but I went to some high rise apartment with some guy
he had a younger lover (or roommate at least)
everything was lit only by candles and I remember thinking the decor was tacky
new, pottery barn
and he was into silly black leather harnesses
but no serious action
just very excited
enthusiastic and innocent
i felt I had to be careful with him
he was so delicate
diabetic
maybe other strange health problems
it was a bit tedious: I just wanted to rest
this all felt laborious!
I had to satisfy him first
the younger guy kept coming in
and seemed jealous
which made him more nervous
which made me feel further from rest
and in the end
it wasn’t about sex at all
though that’s what he expected he wanted
really
he just wanted to tell his dreams to someone
someone to listen to him
it was obvious the boy was so self absorbed he never really saw the man
hell, the man was so nervous he hardly ever saw himself
so I just had to do the work of being present to him in that healing sort of way
and it transformed him
indeed
literally
as only can be done in dreams
then it was a small bungalow
(I was telling stories yesterday of the Admiral in Portland… this transformation was inspired by his little house)
and we were old friends
still lit by candles
or dim electric lights
now
instead of stark new empty tacky apt
it was cluttered with stacks
and interesting old things
I naped
indeed
woke early (dark early)
there was some dream (maybe)
of the life in the walls
mice? gnomes? kabouters?
(maybe this whole thing was the dream in the tacky apt bed?)
now I was infinitely comfortable in this space
it felt like home
from the kitchen he called in
he could hear me moving
“there’s cake on the floor! have as much as you like!”
I looked around
blending in with the stacks in various places were platters filled with various cut cakes covered in wax paper
yellow cake with white frosting, some with chocolate. another platter of a rich dark cake, another of something fruity and more candy-like. he made them all himself… while I was sleeping or before I got here? eat cake in the morning?
I wanted them
but not now
and was tired and could hardly move anyway
I lay in bed thinking about the cakes
(the gnomes?)
and my old friend
how much i loved him
and how long it had been since I’d seen him
(I never saw him in the dream, I don’t know who it was, but know it was some old daddy guy… and the sense I get was he wasn’t anyone I really know… just the ideal fantasy of “old friends”, father, grand father, uncle, teacher… definitely teacher energy: all those books. . . )
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:.:
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