if I do ONE thing for myself
and it inconveniences you
You Can Go Fuck Your Self
You
Can
Go
Fuck
Your
Self
.iP
cities ARE Civilization
suburbs are terrifying tasteless baren wastelands of isolation
outside of cities
should only live Hunters and Gatherers
roaming tribes of nomads
…
and farmers to make food for the cities, of course
we will ship them
ummmm
lingerie
and
uh…
machine parts
they will make the rest of what they need from the land
proper rearing will ensure the nomads do not attack the farmers
as they will find that food distasteful
and prefer the berries, fruits, and squirrels they find in nature
Concentrated cities of entertaining insanity
the rest: Wild and Free!
when I am King…
.iP
in talking with Ian
him trying to convince me not to return to CA so soon
I felt a confident core that was not shaken by his attempts
but in battling it out
I said
I wish to complete this to break my addiction to the dying
beautiful
fat old men
loving only the grandpa
and the fat brother
Corey said
– you find imperfection sexy
but there is more to the weight of this
past lives
pact of brothers
– is he the body that contains all of me no longer useful?
indeed the act I need to strengthen my life is to let him die?
is that a cop out?
must I aide in his death to be complete?
but the impetus for this
I felt not returning to CA because I was sick is so incredibly childish:
my favourite trick as a kid
fooling my father and teachers
wringing love from my mother
to manifest illness to shirk my duties
how loathsome and tired
the sickness is a choice
even though I’ve got so lost in action as to forget the choosing
oh yes, brother
one of us needs to die
all we carry
Christianity
the weight of the world
incurable illnesses
unending judgements
unknowable truths
eternal duties
our tired bodies
we both want the same thing
we’ve both cone to the same conclusion
the only answer is Dying
but we’re afraid…
or seduced by some delusional hope
that if we could just get out…
get out from under this weight
or certain parts of the weight
while keeping the glories
sterilizing the knowledge
expecting to keep the wisdom and blessings
if we could put it off
scapegoats
messiahs
if we could have our brother die for us carry our weight
under the sea
we could fly free
Liar
Frightened Fools
here we are
how do I release this delusion?
stop trying to kill you
to hide my shame
free me from my burden
all burned up with you
he and I
we’re on equal footing
he’s let me
and I’ve let him
he’s just as anxious to have me die for him
the act he worships daily
having full faith I would return again
oh- neither of us wishes to return again
We would only agree to be Jesus if we wouldn’t have to return again
but it’s all or nothing
we’re being quartered by these extremes
so caught up in the play…
how can we change the story?
who can we appeal to for help?
worshiping a known god… being a god… who can save us? virgin sacrifice?
the answer we know so well
will never work
still
I believe salvation lies in a different question
.iP
oh
eating so much death all the time
the old hunched death
the talking about the weather
death
remembering old times
death
idle hands make
death
a good work ethic
gotta find
something worth living for
Death!
too much of this eating death
why is life so tenuous for me?
it seems everyone else rides the fucker full hog
did I fall off along time ago?
dragged by my stirrups?
damn bitch
I know I want out of here
and claw at the door
itching every crack I see
but lemmie eat pancakes and eggs
fucker
I want a burger and fries
I want big ideas
and some dreams to chase around
someone I cannot live with out
and something more compelling than all my distractions
death…
my new idea is shaping out
as the fuzzy sun fades away
maybe it’s time
done with Saturn this time around
bite my tongue
suck up to the ever absent
humility
and give over ground control
let square one get taken care of
no
I know
nothing is perfect
can’t trust anyone/thing
forget it
move on
let the machine do its job
it’ll grind you up anyway
feed it
be fed
and move on
click
click
click
one fuckin color on the cube
to the next
to a different toy
in a different room
there is no Outside here
that’s what it’s about
get yr hands busy
.iP
I Am A
Paranoid
Android
(Ambition Makes You Look Pretty Ugly)
I may have just cone to understand the breadth of that song
: being controlled by fear is what makes us inhuman
androids
driven to cablevision shit
remote controlled by advertising
.iP
in my dreams last night
I sat outside with friend’s at night
no lights
watching the full moon
the super moon
indeed
it got bigger as it neared our apex
cheap lawn furniture, crappy table
drinks
conversation
some house up on a hill in the country
no electricity visible anywhere
the moon reached a certain size
appearing twice as big as I’d ever seen it
and sticks and dirt, rocks
started lifting off the ground
obscuring the night sky
filling the air
I jumped up
excited
I float far into the sky
before I returned to the ground
there was shock on everyone’s faces
not a little fear in mine
but I jumped again
higher
still afraid to push too hard
and risk not returning
but I saw the moon from the side now
hollow
like it had been punched through with a gigantic fist
glowing bone white
through the detritus filling the sky
this went on only twenty minutes or so
then everything fell again
my mind was trying to rationally dismiss what was happening
but I kept losing the thread
nearly everyone decided it was time to leave
I rarely dream about my friends
so this is odd
Clyde and his troup of injuns got in a gigantic old convertible and drove off: still no electric lights
during the moon incident
it was I
sitting with Gerald, who is the one who keeps talking about the super moon, and Sister Clara… perhaps Leo too
Leo had to go somewhere
I didn’t want to go with him
I put he and his brother I an old open-cock bi-plane to fly to their destination
they had no idea how to pilot or land
but I gave them a once-over description and sent them on their way
the house belonged to Ian and Todd
and I eventually had to hide in the closet from some menacing government agency
with my sister, but she was many years younger…
when the morning came
the sun shone on a post apocalyptic world
perhaps we were all zombies now
someone very enthusiastic jumped out the window of the second story
soaring through the gothic back yard
over piles of ruined filligree and butressrs
he landed unscathed
and I imagined there might be some hope this earth after all
I turned on my side, back into sleep
.iP
i still feel incredible anger towards the church occasionally
but why don’t i hate them (like my peers)?
why don’t i hate Hitler?
Easy Targets. Coward’s Choice
it’s much more difficult to find love and compassion for universal targets of hate
and i have some arrogance left yet
it’s not Hitler or Nazis or Christians that deserve Hate anyway
let’s raze Hate to a form of Love
negative love
but still
Attention: the currency of Love
intense. obsessive even…
it’s people that deserve the hate
people in general
people in specific
and more importantly
it’s people who deserve the attention
it’s people who deserve the understanding and compassion
what is it that led us to live twice our average life span?
how long have you lived this life? and the last? and the last?
how long did you live four hundred years ago?
what miracles of science can keep you going now
into your 70s… 80s… 90s…
“keeps the heart going”
and even without magic pills…
is it The Great Recorder
that which can never be forgotten…
a more sinister Santa Claus
same big white beard
a tad more gaunt
zombiesque
repression is a magic tool for concentration
pressure cooker
cauldron
Crucible, didn’t they say…?
to compress, strengthen
Yes: Repression can make you last longer
go the extra mile
worked for the steam engine
(i’m melting down, don’t mind little ole leaky me)
but the tear that fell from his eye
…
Old Men!
Who I Revere!
Lust after!
Desire!
What Horrible Tortures have you Submitted yourself to?
Your Beliefs….
What Magic have your Fears given you?
the New-Commer;All-Father
fear and anger, but gives you an iron grip on life
we…
all I want is to Super Nova
the new Generation
… and if i could take you all with me
of course
all i want is for you to hold me too
so that i might turn into a diamond…
.flickr-photo { }.flickr-yourcomment { }
(photo by Joel J)
in the darkness still
someone dreams of understanding
all to be know of the night sky
how crooked is the yearning
when he clearly knows
the understanding is not important
but the wishing to know is…
Ultimate answers give only
loneliness and death
the great transformation
shedding anything useful knowledge has brought
even passion is worthless once the goal is through being sought
The generation of heat destroys all
friction necessary
eliminates the tools
the hands
the arms
the heart
as feeding builds
yields
nurtures
the container is also being ground
the shavings imperfectly dismissed
the great toil of living
creating its own grist
in the mill of the living
the Artist devouring death to create his visions of life
what greater use of the ubiquity of breath?
the hunger is an attractive quality
to witness joy in devouring
the simplest beauty of life I can appreciate
but if the universe we inhabit is based on Entropy
how can we keep the stars together forever?
how do we live through endless night
singing infinitely a pleasing tune
holding the sky up til the sun returns
we are all responsible
no body wants to drink a cup of tepid tea
they only want it Iced
or piping Hot
anything left un-attended to achieves mediocrity
I explain to my friend
the fallacy of inbreeding is not essential
but is owed to the lack of the art of conscious Love Making
Can You Not Imagine
uniting with your partner in theocratic omniscience?
not the mere passion of thrusting
but the chosen knitting of your chromosomes
intelligence and lust
through love, desire, intention?
of course
if you know your pallet
understand it through primary socialization
and the gifts of your elders
would you not wield your tools deftly?
it is the great dispersal of The One
Soul
nearly seven billion divisions now
divine still, yes
but undoubtedly distracted
once
every tribe had at least one person who knew how to shape a rock into a cutting device
and many more how to create with it
but now
with the billions who hold a computer’s "mouse" every day
does any one person know how to make one?
what is necessary?
what is desired?
who will scoop up our lost marbles
and make a Pillar out of it?
sculpt a caryatid to hold up the falling sky?
is our greatest dream of Sleep?
I am the great Destroyer
but I only do the bidding of the mouths of God
are we entirely exhausted?
no
in time we will be
I arrive and depart
I wake and sleep
I do my duty when it is timely
and busy myself in my vacation
indeed enjoying the flavour of the fallen fruit
when you have decided you will make no effort to fight against death
what is the message of your Work?
why feel it is important to continue your mission when you have agreed to it’s ending?
is this the humble ending to your story
done all you know
waiting now for someone to open the door ?
haven’t you the heart to turn the know?
know you not the location of the gate?
perhaps it is more respectful
to be drowned by the lulling waves
no matter how long it takes the tide to reach you
our time has never been in sync
though I have always been grateful for our vertex
whatever I can do
may I be present
please ask
or
By Jove
I may do my task
.iP
.flickr-photo { }.flickr-yourcomment { }
I saw my reflection in the wall
and enjoyed the way the light caught my beard
then I realized I was hallucinating
this beardectomy has been very hard for me
.iP
.flickr-photo { }.flickr-yourcomment { }
they were right!
it Is much easier to deal with my hair the shorter it gets
perhaps if I lived my life like that
made all my choices based upon the Easiest
my life would be as interesting as theirs
all the people who give such lovely suggestions
well
yes
New York is kinda kicking my ass
but it is the new moon tomorrow…
I’m tired
exhausted already!
still
happy to be here
feeling a little lost at sea
but the river is carrying me along nicely
off to bed now
more endless craziness tomorrow
g’night
.iP
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