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surprisingly: many things
I don’t know if I would have ever said "I Like Michigan" in the past
but I spent the day with my Dad today
probably the first time we spent a day together and didn’t get in arguments
we’re both mellow about eachother
letting each of us just be us
one of the experiences I had with my dad the only other time we were up here alone together did the same thing for me
I think I’m beginning to emotionally connect with him…
being with him let me feel the world of Midwestern Men that I always felt shut out of…
of course he helped me feel shut out as a child
but we’ve forgiven eachother now
he’s open to me
and as long as I don’t fail him
or go further off in opposition to offend him
I can travel with him and hear conversations about hunting
and nature
and appreciate small town Americana…
Maybe this is what makes me feel in love with Michigan: He obviously is
he’s been feeling out with me about music
telling me about all the shows he saw at the Grande Ballroom
he worked the door and helped make bookings for many years
I never noticed… or acknowledged… that my dad is obsessed with music the same way I am… we’d always been enemies about it…
but I ganked some songs from the Internet for him and he told me stories
on the drive up here we listened to Beach Boys, Donovan & the Allman Brothers
inbeteren I played him some Grizzly Bear and Fleet Foxes
today
driving around Big Rapids
I was a bit in love with all the gigantic Michigan Men
and after two large stores
we stopped into a liquor store to get some Campari for me
the place was crazy
in that
it was like an old store
a ramble shack
a video store
yeah
there are still video stores up here
there are still tons of little crappy businesses that have great stuff
filled with characters…
I was overjoyed when my dad pointed out some guy in Meijer wearing "my hat"
a guy with long white hair and beard…
I talked with him a bit
he traveled around a lot when younger
lived on the coasts and in the desert
and moved back here so as not to have to keep up such an intense pace (I’m sure there’s more to that story)
he sells books…
/
let me talk about hair for a bit
I’ve felt increasingly at odds about my trimmed beard
I’m extreme
and love long un-cut ____ Beards
now that mine is trimmed I feel lame
same with my hair
it’s a little kid thing
I know
but it’s funny
I’ve always admired the long and crazy looking
I feel just like a visitor now
where as before I felt like a key in a tribe
I looked in the mirror tonight and began to dread the rest of this cutting process
the horrible mid-length hair period
…
but those thoughts can be passing
I had a bit of a melt down earlier when we got back
the house filled up with people
and my calm appreciation lapsed…
I’d been driving
enjoying the snow
and trees
the ambient moonlight on the everything white
Sufjan singing to me about Michigan…
but here
it was the rest of my family that was freaking out
needing their needs met
and exploding
my brother and sister discharged into me and I felt overwhelmed and terrible
…but we all carry our weight…
I sat and watched the fire a while
the family migrated to hang out with me
I had a touch of butter
and half a beer
we spent a few hours together just talking
I gave my brother his baby blanket I had somehow kept all these years
then my dad turned on the TV and we watched Letterman make an ass of himself in front of the two Leo stars as if he were some idiotic fanboy
terrible mercury retrograde fumbling awkwardness
people drifted to bed
and my room is filled with snoring…
well
i’m glad I slept well last night
and I’m glad I’m here
Thanks
.iP
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