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I always wanted to visit the 3rd Ward
today
I Found A Reason
(which some will know later)
they’re giving away lime green bikes with membership
I’m feeling a bit like the illustration
but I’m on my way to Spa Castle now
things are gonna change
I can feel it
.iP
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very different from how I did it last year
I wrapped bundles…
and will probably go out and do it again next week for more practice…
SO
if anyone has recommendations about wrapping smudge sticks
or wants one
or wants to go make some with me
let me know…
they’re just flowering now, many are still in bud… next week will be perfect
.iP
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made up on landfill from the cross-bronx expressway…
lots of granite… and people’s homes
(mugwort on right)
.iP
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come get your testosterone here!
.iP
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the greatest thing I’ve noticed I’m learning
living here
is how not to buy into drama
sure
occasionally I cash in my chips for some cacophony
but most of my time here has been untying those knots
not rushing down the sidewalks, the subway stairs
I’m strolling
I’m not falling in love
I’m learning compassion
but letting people freak out on their own terms
less anger
I feel
less desperation
less desire
more acceptance
am what I yam
mmmm, I still love pop music
but not as much
"there’s only now
no ever-after
we won’t let in
any disaster
you are my twin
no I will
never
go there"
watching the sun set into the river
the endlessly undulating waves offer nothing but beauty
no enticing promises…
but with the sun gone
it’s cool
ending of summer
I best put my clothes on and get on with my day
.iP
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it seems
society accepts a model of growth where the individual makes sense of the world up til puberty (if that) and then has only those tools to work with
only that data
"somehow you’ve red-rovered the gestapo circling my heart"
our contemporary hoosier culture
with girls wearing barettes
boys wearing glasses too big fir their face
to make it smaller
I
myself
have a specific attraction in my sexuality to be with the bigger, the adulter… so that I might get moments of transcendental childhood with them
and when I speak with my mother
and other denizens of the Midwest
they often refer to reality as something static and limited only to their direct experiences
which is, I would think, a healthy perception
but woefully inadequate for the model of the world connected through all ideas
all those ideas are presented through biases
so people read from the bias they come from
keeping the infinity of our shared reality
limited and static
usually only perceiving differences from their vernaculars as shadows encroaching on the one-true-light of their paradigm
the art the art the art needed
bias directed subversion
that’s convincing
as so many of them expose their directives too early on
but of course
this is trickery
manipulation
seduction…
and what do I need any souls for? greater than my own? increase the power of my hand. my own cadre of mortmains. puppet communities.
with all my worldiness
my own ignorance
I believe I should steer aspects of planet-ship Earth
but shouldn’t anyone who feels the call try?
not every one succeeds, or course
but doesn’t that follow our fantasy of Capitalism and Democracy…
following the tails of Monarchies and Tribes
organizing speaks to Order
it has changed
it will change
we can’t just leave it up to chance and Politicians…
.iP
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this summer has really gotten away from me
so many things I intended to do
dreams
the Jewish holidays coming early this year
they know
summer’s on its way out
dry
the water’s low
the mugwort’s almost blooming
I feel like I’ve got nothing in the air
up coming
undone the glamours
now here we are
me
huuuuuu
.iP
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but back stage
we’re shuffling the decks
I’m desperate here
I should have mentioned
I didn’t know
I was standing on the shore today
the waves were high
I saw a broken old raft
I clambered over the rough granite
barefoot in the hot sun
a rope had it stuck under deep rocks
it was close enough for me to jump on
I swayed with the waves
avoiding splinters and upturned nails
I swayed with the waves
and imagined pushing out to sea
with one good friend
or alone
where would we go?
it was only later I considered
what to eat? to drink?
how to steer?
so attractive
helpless on the ocean
floating away from any possibility
of destruction or salvation
.iP
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