Day: June 20, 2010

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again, no satisfying pictures taken today
all silly
or just bad
but it’s the day
a lovely day
fifteen minutes of rain
with sun all around
some focused yoga and meditation in the morning
the line from a Brainiac song flitting through my head
"nothing ever chang-es
on its own"
and conceptualizing that I actually have to do all the work I
continually try to get out of doing

see
I’m a kaot
my whole life I’ve dismantled order around me and put it back together
one thing when it’s a toaster
another entirely when it’s a world view
still more when it’s a world
but that’s what I do
so
all my harranging myself
I understand now that I really do have to take the time to be present
with the minutia of my life
the way my blood flows
the way my heart beats
where my thoughts go
how my chakras pump–
spin

I was sitting in a position today
locked into a powerful flow
and felt myself root down into the core of life in my space
for the first time ever
consciously
I have to do this every day
the sentient being of the potted plant
to will the roots to spread
direct desire to grow the flower

I’ve been getting compliments on my writing lately
my hearts desire
yes
my flower
the seductress’ power
I’m coming into clarity
even as my heart still rattles with my occasional cough

I need to dip into death from time to time to sharpen my taste for life

and then I
and then I

Sister
thank you for the burger
the street filled with broken people bend around their abuser
and beautiful people
and sexy people
and sweaty people

lost in the park
calling all my daddies
a morning of the wounds with fathers
Sylvia and Polly Jean
Daddy
lusty daddies
us and our perversions
our desperate desires

lost in the park
arriving on time
when it’s over

"there’s only now no Ever After"

Grizzly Bear were so lovely
entirely not rock stars
just playing music for us

Band of Horses
(makes that sound horses make in dismissal)
but the space was by the river
and watching the sun set was beautiful
beautiful
the air was warm and fresh
with friends
family
beautiful

a nice ending to the year
Sun moves into Cancer tomorrow at 7:32am
tonight it definately the shortes night
tomorrow the longest day

and what will the new year bring?

(love you)

.iP

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"
I can see a lot of life in you
/

I’m sure you’ve got something to hide
I took your bag and looked inside
I was looking for life
/

perhaps I like the big bodies for their boldness of manifesting so
much in the gross element of earth
me
I’m a tornado
and imagine my chakras burning in the wind like windmills in a hurricane
flairing thirty feet out from my heart, my navel, my mind
my throat is an orb the overtakes the entire room

I used to walk around with an aura fifty feet wide
all heads would turn when I walked in
so rudely invading their space

could they say?
could they put their fingers on?
did they all have an innate understanding if lacked at birth!
or did I know it then and just played too much of the forgetful trick
to get through this life
how it all works
rules of the game

a friend
once
showed me with his hands
running them over the surface of his arms:
"
I keep myself inside my skin
it’s so much less complicated
when you’re all spread put like that you just naturally pick up so
much flotsam…"
but, being young and brash
I just flaired it out more

times like these
picture perfect
I feel exhausted, over fired
fuelless
atrophied
yeah
but I also go through and feel my heart and root snapped shut like
trap doors
must be some trick I was playing on myself

but where’s the spiritual crowbar when this shit happens?

love?
sex?
a bit of both
and the sun
and the sea
those fresh breezes
in the top of a tree

smoking my pipe
with his hand on my chest
holding his balls
bringing down karen
not sharp and harsh
but fluid and oily
fatty
colostrum
eternal

kidd
opening up and drink from the infinite tit
and live
live
live

.iP