a few days go… Tuesday
I was walking through Cobble Hill
looking at the copious Mexican joints
the bookstore
the great healthfood store
awesome bakeries
wide selection of Asian restaurants…
the buildings and streets looked nice too
Yeah… my friends want me to move to Brooklyn
and I’d be a much happier consumer here, Yeah…
I went to give that massage
and came out into the beautiful snow
walking over to Bergen street on Court
I passes three couples
all with thick black-framed glasses on at least one of the two
cute little beanies
or conspicuously bad hair cuts…
Oh yes, that’s why I don’t live here: I would have to walk past these people every day!
why do I have such an allergic reaction to them?
any place I go in the city where I see a uniform fashion irks me
hipster and rich-bitch styles are the hardest for me, though
these kids
with their Specifically bad hair cuts, clunky glasses, overly cute ill-fitting clothes
overly cute or garishly taseless in a thrift-store kinda way
I don’t understand their world in any celebratory way
I’m all condemning
to me, it feels like the same aesthetic as Palace Music strikes me as
you have no rythm
can’t hold a pitch, voice cracks
but you can write songs
so write songs accentuating your flaws
great!
so self conscious!
the way they dress
saying ” I’ll never be pretty/handsome so I’ll be awkward/cute on purpose in a loud sort of way to let people know I’m not ashamed of being myself”
am I ashamed of being myself?
I’m obvioulsy loud about who I am?
no no, it’s that quality of loud-individuality (which calls attention to itself in an uncomfortable yet proud way) that conforms to such an over-used style.
like the rich-bitches (no details needed) who look like that to say they are rich… instead of wearing high-coture
which would say the same thing
but better: more true, less trite, more interesting.
what would I rather see?
quiet handsome style like Dominicans?
I guess ostentatios black style has never bugged me because I have never been a part of it (I did the hipster thing when I was 14… which is another reason: I’ve been over-it since I was 16… I wish they were)
and though there are a few signifyers I find tired and absurd (the stickers from the measuring tape on the hat: really clever when I first saw… now that everone needs to wear it I kinda hate it)
( to make a point, random black guy wearing one of those stickers gets on the train “singing along” to his iPod loud enough for everyone to hear, saying Nigger over and over and over, pussy-ass nigger… something something… but he’s just saying it loud and flat like a robot repeating with no passion…)
yeah
I’m all in a gripe about people aiming at being individuals in a completely conformist sort of way
like “coming out” or “in” to your true self is just a matter of changing boxed personalities pulled off the shelf.
I put a profile on dudesnude
which I used 7 years ago or so
don’t remember when or why I deleted my profile
but hadn’t used it in years
friends of mine (in Brooklyn! those same friends! but they have their own unique, comfortable &/ interesting styles) both told me how they liked it better than manhunt, which I abhor, so I thought i’d try it.
just over a week after putting it up
I’m over it!
it’s only been about 10% sexy and fun for me
my main pic has been viewed 14,000 times
i’ve already got near 200 messages
and most of them are from people with no profiles
or skinny young bottoms who say something like “hi, you’re hot” or “I kinda like the beard…”
so I’m already coming from a place of annoyance
and I get some message from a couple in Virginia
beautiful hot huge-hung shaved muscle boys
they look like porn stars
oh, late 30’s
so they are past their boy stage
what’s next?
hot, thanks for the hit
why am I irritated?
again
ubiquitous style
another similar message from a hot guy in WeHo
a few from SF
saying ” it’s so cool you don’t discriminate ”
because in my profile I say I enjoy fat and old guys
they read me wrong
and it makes me feel like I’m angry at every person who’s ever chosen to live in a gay ghetto
who lack enough imagination to di anything that isn’t obvious
to even consider something outside of the mainstream might be of interest
even when they’re finding themselves attracted to me
I guess that’s why I used to like bear sites
before I started choking on the big chunks of unconscious SAME
I think that’s why I like guys 50+ so much
it’s more common amongst them that they’ve realized they can’t package themselves as the perfect sex object so they HAVE to come up with something else or just let it go. give up. be who ever they are
which at least offers the oppurtunity of surprise and diversity…
.iP
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